Thursday, July 25, 2013

have a poopy day, x2

Ran a half-marathon in the pool yesterday (130 minutes straight).  
Lots of babies in diapers, eww, felt like I needed a shower afterward. I know that baby swim diapers leak.  They are a foul lie.  My friend delights in telling the story of how she and her family were at a hotel and she was taking her baby to the hotel pool. The baby was in her swim diaper.  My friend's brother came into the room and held the baby.  She immediately peed all over him THROUGH THE SWIM DIAPER.  My friend said all swim diapers do is hold in the solid poop, anything liquid goes right out into the pool.  Nice.  So whenever babies are in the pool with me I'm swimming in sewage.  No wonder I get so many eye infections when I get splashed in the face, even with sunglasses on to protect my eyes. 
I honestly think the water in my friend's koi pond is cleaner than the pool water I run in, and she's got a dozen good-sized fish and another dozen tiny ones in there pooping away.
I had lunch and then stopped to get food for my husband who was working from home. The order I called in wasn't ready and I had to wait.  My Habba Syndrome kicked in (about 1/2 hour post lunch as usual) and I had to use the bathroom at the take-out place or else something bad was going to happen in my intestines. It was quite a horrible bathroom, not very clean.  And they had NO TOILET PAPER or PAPER TOWELS. I didn't notice until too late. I had to do something I've never done before, I had to forgo wiping.  Completely disgusting, I know. 
I paid for the food, drove straight home hoping I wasn't soiling the upholstery, threw the bag of food at my husband and yelled "emergency shower, no toilet paper in the bathroom at the restaurant!" and headed for the bathroom. He said "eww did you get poop in my car?" (no sympathy).
Ended up that it was all fine down there but I washed my pants and underwear anyway and took a shower just in case.
And that was my poopy day.
(image source)

If you are reading this ANYWHERE but on itsafatlife.blogspot.com, it's stolen; please let me know. wholelottarosieyoung at yahoo dot com. Thank you.
more Rosie news at http://www.facebook.com/ItsAFatLife

new doctor's office insanity (& someone else's rant)

Finally had my appointment with my new endocrinologist.
Because the one at Yale who is head of the whole endocrinology department obviously isn't important enough for my PCP to listen to.
I arrived early, filled out the paperwork, and was sitting in the waiting room reading on my Kindle when a crazy person came in.
She was insane from when she stepped into the door.  Any little thing was going to set this lady off like a rocket.
Apparently her mother had some test done a few weeks ago and the daughter (crazy lady) wanted a copy of the test results RIGHT NOW GOD DAMN IT because MY MOTHER has to go to the EMERGENCY ROOM because she CAN'T WALK and I better HAVE THOSE TESTS NOW so I can bring her. 
This was her INITIAL contact with the receptionist.  Screaming at her.
Patiently the receptionist looked up the information and said they didn't have said test results.
I shut off my Kindle and put it away.  Because this was gonna be epic.
-I just went to (other doctor) and they said YOU HAVE THEM so GIVE THEM TO ME NOW.  Where is (doctor who ordered tests) I need to talk to her this instant.
-(doctor who ordered tests) is on vacation.  Even if we had the results, we couldn't give them to you by law without the doctor reviewing them first.
-(Doctor who ordered tests) IS A QUACK.  She ISN'T A REAL DOCTOR.  You call (other doctor) RIGHT NOW and GET THOSE TESTS.  My MOTHER has to GO TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM because SHE CAN'T WALK and I CAN'T TAKE HER without THOSE TESTS.
Another lady who is in the waiting room is staring at me in absolute horror.  I'm sure my usually large eyes were probably half out of my head, as the yelling screaming insane woman was standing right next to where I was sitting.
Insane woman keeps yelling.  I DROVE to the other office to get them and they SAID I HAD TO COME HERE.  I NEED those TESTS.  My MOTHER can't WALK.  She is in STAGE THREE KIDNEY FAILURE.  You are a bunch of JERKS.  You don't answer your PHONE.  You didn't know my mother was SICK.  
The poor beleaguered receptionist agrees to call the other office.  Crazy woman stomps across the waiting room, sits next to the "please no cell phone use in waiting room" sign, pulls out her phone and calls the other office and begins screaming at THEM. She has not yet figured out the difference between "tests" and "test results" and I don't enlighten her.
-You SENT ME all the way over HERE and they are INCOMPETENT and they DON'T HAVE THE TESTS and my MOTHER need to go the EMERGENCY ROOM and now they are saying that even if they HAD THE TESTS that THEY WOULDN'T GIVE THEM TO ME and I have to take my MOTHER to the EMERGENCY ROOM she CAN'T WALK and is in KIDNEY FAILURE and I NEED those TESTS right NOW so I can TAKE HER TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM.
Meanwhile, I can hear the receptionist on the phone trying to get the results from the same office at the same time.
Crazy lady hangs up the phone.  She starts yelling at random (apparently to me and the other lady, but we didn't acknowledge or engage her).
-This place SUCKS.  They AREN'T REAL DOCTORS.  They DON'T ANSWER THE PHONE.  My mother is in STAGE THREE KIDNEY FAILURE and they DIDN'T NOTICE.  Now she CAN'T WALK.  She needs to go to the EMERGENCY ROOM.  You better FIND ANOTHER DOCTOR.  These people will KILL YOU.  Now my MOTHER CAN'T WALK.  And she's in STAGE THREE KIDNEY FAILURE.  I need her TESTS.  They won't ANSWER THE PHONE.  
I sit there staring at the wall.  Finally crazy lady gets up and storms out, slamming the door, when no one would talk to her or give her the "tests".
I say to the other lady, "this is my first visit here" and she replies, "we have been coming here since 1973 and they are excellent."

Many points I could have made to Crazy Lady but instead will post here: 
  1. a simple "failure to walk" whatever that means, isn't an emergency if it's ongoing (which it seemed to be from her hysterics) and if anything it should have meant an emergency visit to the PCP office, not to the ER
  2. if someone really suddenly fails to be able to walk and really needs to go to the ER, you don't leave that person at home (or I shudder to think in that heat the old lady was in the car waiting) and drive to random doctor's offices trying to get physical copies of paperwork.  You take the person to the ER and say "She recently had relevant tests done at x doctor's office ordered by y doctor's office, please call them for the results" and the ER gets those results, probably more promptly than you ever could.
  3. A test =/= a test result.
  4. a doctor can't magically diagnose someone as being in any type of organ failure if you don't tell the doctor you're having symptoms.  They don't just randomly test people for organ failures if there's no reason/symptoms.
  5. coming into a professional office of any type and screaming at the staff and other customers (patients) is going to get you nowhere. 

Now onto my visit.
I sit in an exam room.  The woman who brought me in can't operate her laptop.  Flustered, she leaves me there alone.  A male nurse comes in to take my BP.  He can't find my pulse when the cuff is on.  We joke about me being a zombie.  I tell him my pulse might be high because I just came from working out.  He leaves without getting my BP after trying both arms several times.
The endocrinologist comes in, angry about my lack of pulse and BP.  I tell her the first lady's computer broke and that the guy couldn't manage the BP with the wrong (too small) cuff.  I don't make a zombie joke.
The doctor and I talk about PCOS and birth control and hormones.  She agrees to give me new prescriptions for my metformin and the vitamin D but not the Wellbutrin.  Now I have to see a psychiatrist to get my micro dose of Wellbutrin.  The doctor is also confused about my dosage of vitamin D.  (I haven't picked up the prescriptions yet but I think she changed it to a daily pill, that doesn't work, I told her that I need a mega dose every week or two.)
I have to get blood tests in 2 weeks (after I start taking proper dosages of metformin, instead of hoarding it against running out).  I have to see a shrink (huge deductible, not happy about that at all).   And I have to get my blood pressure taken.
The doctor leaves.  The male nurse comes back.  He tightens the cuff so much on my arm I actually start to grey out and faint and gasp.  I say, mildly as possible, "that was way too tight" and he takes it off and sees that my arm is bright red and all creased up.  "oh I guess that was tight, huh?"  "Yes, it was like being strangled by a boa constrictor, but carry on."  He can get my pulse (90) but not my BP.  He asks me what it usually is, I tell him 130/80 ish and he writes that down and I leave.
Not very auspicious, all-in-all.
(image source)

If you are reading this ANYWHERE but on itsafatlife.blogspot.com, it's stolen; please let me know. wholelottarosieyoung at yahoo dot com. Thank you.
more Rosie news at http://www.facebook.com/ItsAFatLife

Monday, July 01, 2013

men as fashion models for women's clothes

My friend posted this on FB:
 "I was just reading an article about fashion models who are so skinny they barely look like women (or humans) and still are considered too fat/hippy/busty to be fashion models. I have a solution. M2F transexuals. Men have no hips, stick a little pair of boobs on a skinny guy and voila, the perfect fashion model! I honestly think this should be a thing, not being snarky."
She is brilliant.
Women tend to feel very bad because they don't look like fashion models.  What they don't understand is that even fashion models don't look like fashion models.  My friend directed me to this article about a woman kicked out of a fashion show because her boobs are too big.  The picture is of that model, Jourdan Dunn.  According to Wikipedia, she is 5' 10.5" and has these measurements: 32-23-35 (US) and wears a size 2 (US).  Clearly she is a big-breasted cow.
However if fashion models were former men with small breast implants, they would fulfil all the criteria that fashion designers want. Tiny hips, whatever tiny sized breasts were ideal.  Women could stop starving themselves and having plastic surgery trying to look like fashion models because all the fashion models would be former men.  M2F transexuals would have lots of job opportunities.  It would be a win/win situation.
And maybe clothing designers would then have an epiphany that if they are designing clothing for women to wear, why is the ideal body to wear those clothes that of a man with tiny breasts?

If you are reading this ANYWHERE but on itsafatlife.blogspot.com, it's stolen; please let me know. wholelottarosieyoung at yahoo dot com. Thank you.
more Rosie news at http://www.facebook.com/ItsAFatLife