Saturday, July 14, 2012

in which Rosie makes a diagram

This illustrates my life right now.  This is an original diagram that I made.



If you are reading this ANYWHERE but on itsafatlife.blogspot.com, it's stolen; please let me know. wholelottarosieyoung at yahoo dot com. Thank you.
more Rosie news at http://www.facebook.com/ItsAFatLife

Monday, July 09, 2012

"beyond my capacity to handle"

I've been now 3 times to the bariatric weight loss place. The initial free visit, the first visit, the first follow up. I lost 12 lbs in 12 days.
I didn't feel good about the third visit. I didn't feel good before I went there and when I left I didn't feel reassured.
None of my questions were answered.  There is zero leeway to eat any other foods.  There is never a "free" meal or extra "points" to spend or anything like that, that most commercial diets and diet books offer.
I expressed my displeasure at the only allowable bread having Bible verses on it.  He acted like I just told him something unbelievable.  I'm sorry, it's a religion that hates my religion.  I don't want to give them money.  If I was Jewish would you make me eat bread with Nazi swastikas and propaganda on it? 
I'd come up with something I thought I could make work to offer, but I wasn't even given the chance after it was made very clear that there was NO DEVIATION.
When I complained about the sugar alcohol (LAXATIVE) in the bars, he scoffed.  It doesn't affect any other patients.  I happen to know that I am sensitive to it--when the serving size of a sugar free chocolate candy is 3 or 4 pieces I can only eat one before I must rush to the toilet.  Apparently I'm lying about that.
He waved aside and ignored the fact that I'm spending extra time in bed daily, due to utter lack of strength, crying because I am so unhappy and sick.
When I pointed out that all my dementia-like symptoms -- plus my migraine and my hands shaking -- went away within 10 minutes of eating half a tortilla, you woulda thought I said I blew the Pope.  You can't eat white flour!  It was corn.  You don't know that!  Anything could have been in that!  But I felt better.  It doesn't matter, you can't run around eating flour and pasta and rice and bread and potatoes ever again.
well fuck you. No one in the modern world eats like that.
He said that my therapist in Pennsylvania had to give me the name of a therapist up here who ONLY does eating disorders and that I have to have that person's name and contact info and an appointment time in hand at my next visit.  I felt like it was a bit of an ultimatum.   Like if I come back and I don't have that information, I'm getting kicked out.
Damn it, I'm trying. I'm trying so hard I'm at the point of collapse.  I'm sick and tired and sad.  I lost 12 lbs in 12 days--he expected me to lose 4.
All I ask is that every 4 days or so I can eat a little bit of real carbs.
He said that it's not a low carb diet and that I'm eating plenty of carbs.  Then why am I in ketosis complete with death breath?  Oh because it's low carb and low fat.  Oh, but not low carb.  I get it.  I need some more carbs.  No you don't.  Yes I do.  I can't function.  You are eating plenty of carbs.  No I'm not.
I know you are but what am I.
Apparently after I left he talked to my therapist Deb in Pennsylvania and said "She is beyond my capacity to handle."  
Excellent.  I rock.
We'll see what happens when I go back there on Friday sans new therapist info.  Because guess what, Deb doesn't know anyone and she told him that.  I found someone but I need a doctor recommendation to go there.  So another impasse.
Also, I want an orange.   I would like an orange once a week and a tortilla once a week.  Not even on the same day.  Why is that insane?
(Also, I don't exercise enough. I am up to 33 miles a week running--that's 330 minutes a week--plus tai chi but NOT ENOUGH.  Why is Rosie never enough?)

UNRELATED:
Facebook is on a roll to shut down my personal account.  If you are FB friends with me and NOT a fan of my page, better make the change while you can.  I have no ID in the name Rose Young or cell phone to prove I'm real (which I'm not) so eventually so morning I'll be locked out for good.  My FB fan page is administered by my real name FB page so it shouldn't go away. I hope.


If you are reading this ANYWHERE but on itsafatlife.blogspot.com, it's stolen; please let me know. wholelottarosieyoung at yahoo dot com. Thank you.
more Rosie news at http://www.facebook.com/ItsAFatLife