Monday, June 25, 2012

Medical Weight Loss program: the beginning

So I spent the weekend saying goodbye to food because today I start this medical weight loss program. I'm gonna be so skinny! In fact I am quite a bit more muscular than I thought, I'm only 44% fat. Basically the amount of me that is muscle is my goal weight. Strip off all this fat and I'm perfectly sized and ripped underneath. I'm psyching myself up. I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna eat stuff even if it tastes bad. When I go back in 2 weeks I'll have lost so much weight they won't believe it. 
I'm going to up my pool workouts to 100 minutes per day instead of 80-90 and go to tai-chi a half hour early and get 90 minutes instead of 60 a week.
Ahem.
Yeah.
No.
So last night I pre-made the first batch of pudding. I'm supposed to eat this pudding 2x a day.  It was supposed to be a combination shake-pudding mix but evidently they gave me the wrong one because it's pudding only.  I ate a spoonful.  Chemicals.  Some kind of really bitter fake sugar.  It was supposed to be chocolate but I couldn't find any chocolate taste in there.  Well, it wasn't set yet, right?
The deal is that I have to eat some of this pudding within an hour of when I get up.  Even though I go to the pool and I could vomit and they'd have to close the pool.  So the compromise is that I can eat a spoonful or two and when I get out of the pool I have to finish it.
It's even worse congealed. It's like eating a cold brain with bitter fake sugar poured on it.  I managed to get down less than half of it, using it to wash down supplements.
Oh did I mentions supplements?  4 new supplements.  One of them is 6 per day, two of them are 2 per day and the other is 3 per day.  On top of the dozen or so pills I already take.  And one of the 2/day ones tastes disgusting.
Of course I have an allowance of 160 oz of water per day to wash them all down, right. Yes, 160.  That's 13+ 12 ounce glasses. 
I go to the pool. I'm gonna run for 100 minutes.  If I do that 3x a week plus 90 minutes of tai-chi, that's 390 minutes (6.5 hours) of exercise.  Because when I told the doctor I run for 90 minutes 3x per week he said it wasn't enough and that he wants an average of 30 minutes per day.  Which is 3.5 hours per week.  I do 4.5 just in the pool plus tai-chi.  But not enough, okay, fine, I'll do more.
First off, this morning no one came to unlock the door at the pool.  Apparently the lady with the key is on vacation? Talk about poor planning.  By the time someone realized, hey, where are all the people, and let us in, it was after 7 a.m.  So that adds that much time to how late I'll be in the pool--till almost 9 a.m. (when I get kicked out due to the old lady stretching class).  It's not even 8 a.m. yet and the pool gets evacuated due to the thunderstorm leaving me with half a workout to make up.  Which I can't do this week because Wednesday, the day I can go for a long time due to the pool's schedule, I have a tech coming to my house to do some work, and next Wednesday is July 4 and the pool is closed.  So I'm already down AN HOUR on day one.
I come home, parcel out my pills, get out the bowl of pudding, pour glass of water #1 and start downing pills with pudding and water.  Gagging.  Too many pills, not enough food, food tastes horrible.  I think I maybe ate half the bowl of pudding.  Couldn't take it anymore.
That's okay because it's mid morning snack time!  I get a bar.  I chose a Coconut Almond Fudge protein bar.  Sounds yummy enough right? I'm not a HUGE fan of coconut but really flavors are limited.  The texture of the bar is okay, it's nice.  Not like cold jellied brains.  But the taste, oh god, it tastes like coconut farts.  I forced myself to eat half of it but oh man I want to hurl.  This is NOT FOOD.  I don't understand the people I talked to who go there who rave "the food is SO GOOD" Obviously they aren't super-tasters and I'm guessing maybe they are non-tasters because the taste is really bad.

Last night my friend who is in pre-med came over and looked at the plan with me.  We are both very confused by some elements.
First off, the doctor who referred me to the medical weight loss place was always highly critical of my food logs whenever I had Slim-fast or my fat-free, sugar-free pudding with protein and fiber added.  She would say "That's not food, your body can't process that, you need to eat real food" even if I'd lost weight.
Trust me, my pudding was edible and tasted ok enough (not great).  Actually compared to this stuff it's gourmet dessert.  So I'm confused why, when I lose weight with shakes and pudding on my own it's bad but when I pay outrageous amounts of money for horrible food it's okay because a doctor sold it to me?
Second, parts of the plan don't make sense.  I can't have dairy products yet most of the packaged food includes dairy products.  I can't have legumes but the packaged products are full of soy.   I can put lemon in my water but I can't have fruit. 
They promised to work with my eating disorder.  That consisted of, "you have to meet us halfway."  Halfway?  You didn't give me ANY concessions.  Oh, 1 slice of bread a day that I've already tried and don't like (Ezekiel bread--packaged in BIBLE verses, really?  Really?)  I didn't see their pysch doctor or the nutritionist at either visit  I don't know the rationale why things are set up the way they are.
But I figure if I keep eating only half of everything I'll be at my goal weight in half the time, right?  Or dead.
Oh, and they didn't take my picture.  That's so weird.
(image source.  I really love how all the pictures that come up for "medical weight loss" shows piles of fruit and this doctor doesn't allow fruit.)

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Thursday, June 21, 2012

Gym bans skinny people

Do you agree with this?
A so-called "plus sized gym" called Body Exchange in Vancouver has banned skinny people.
"Body Exchange founder and CEO Louise Green told TheProvince.com last week that she considers her gym is a “safe haven” for overweight clients. The fitness center has a strict policy of only allowing plus-size women to join."
So what if you join as a fattie and lose all your weight? Do you get kicked out for being too skinny?
I can see where it would be more emotionally comfortable to be surrounded by your own kind if you're fat.  But you lose the inspiration of seeing someone really thin and wanting to look like that.  And of the motivation of wanting to look good so you can show those skinny bitches who's boss.
I can kinda see why they would do this, but at the same time it's just as prejudiced as saying no fat people allowed.  I'm a fat person but it doesn't make a lot of sense.

There are hardly any thin people at the pool where I work out.  Most people are much older than me.  Many are as fat if not fatter.  But then again I pretty much just ignore them, I have my earphones in cranked up and also my sunglasses on to keep water out of my eyes.

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Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Yale, and Gila Monster Venom

I went back to Yale today. I only go once a year now.
It was a rather confusing visit.
I gained weight.  So that was a problem.  I've actually LOST weight since I went back to see Deb, but all Dr Pal sees is the difference between last June and this June.
I have to get bloodwork, what else is new.  Actually last year she didn't make me get any so I shouldn't complain.
Got new prescriptions for all my medicines.  Another problem.  Dr. Pal is angry that my PCP refused to take over the prescriptions on her orders and that they gave me such a hassle.  She said every thing I'm on is something a PCP can prescribe.  She is very upset that my current PCP really doesn't seem to give a shit about me (it's basically a group of doctors; you see someone different every time).  Really, Dr Pal, are you surprised that a doctor doesn't care about an overweight patient? I'd say Dr P is in the minority. So she gave me the name of a new doctor, not local of course, to be my PCP, someone who works with overweight patients and actually cares about their progress.
She brought up weight loss surgery again.  And again I said that I was denied for psychiatric reasons, my eating disorder and probably with my Habba Syndrome it wouldn't be a good idea.  So she wants me to go for something called "Medical Weight Loss" (all the way in New Haven, of course). I think it's going to be shakes.  Ugh.  I don't wanna.  Waiting for them to call me with an appointment.
And surprisingly the doctor blames herself. She said she isn't helping me anymore, she's only seeing me once a year, she can't be my PCP, and she feels horrible that my PCP is so awful.
AND...here's the kicker....she wants to add a new medicine.  New as in just approved in January.  It's shots, once a week, which will help with weight loss, but it's made from Gila monster venom.  Shots, ugh.
So it's just been an UGH type of day.  If the shots work, fine, but still.  Shots.  Gila monster venom.  I like lizards but I don't want to ingest OR inject them. 
(Gila Monster image source)

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