Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Am I in your way?

True story:
Rosie, running in the pool. Music cranked. Pump arms. Pump legs. Breathe. Boom boom boom boom boom. Rosie does not deviate from her location; that is part of the discipline.
Suddenly, from behind, large squishy smelly old lady is against Rosie. Full body press. Sticky. Gross.
Rosie stops running. Turns. Sees old lady pressed against her. "Excuse me?" Rosie says in disbelief.
"Oh, am I in your way?" Still pressed.
"You just crashed into me." STOP TOUCHING ME. Eww. Gross.
Without apology, old lady moves to about 6 feet away.
WTF?
And you wonder why I  am antisocial and am a member of the Voluntary Human Extinction Movement. Some of you are all right, you know who you are, but most people....


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Monday, July 18, 2011

Food, smells, and food smells

I am gonna turn into one of those crotchety crazy old people we all hated as kids, the "get off my lawn" grumps. I probably already am. I'm so set in my ways it's like concrete and it only hardens as I go on.
I am more and more intolerant of smells, for instance. Not just fish, disgusting garbage-reeking fish but anything I don't like.
There's been this lady at the pool the last 2 times I was there. She reeks. Not of body odor, or dirty hair, or cigarettes, or cheap perfume (all of which people there are guilty of). She stinks of what smells like grape bubble gum. Bubbalicious, I imagine. Cheap, nasty, unnaturally purple, sugary, foul grape gum. (See? No give there.) Last week I wasn't sure it was her. I THOUGHT it was, but she wasn't chewing. And gum isn't allowed in the pool. This morning she wasn't chewing either but it's definitely her. It is such a nasty smell. What can it be? She's an older lady, I can't see her wearing some kind of Bonne Bell grape lip gloss marketed to 13 year old girls. And even that stuff doesn't stink over the scent of chlorine from 6 feet away. And her lips aren't shiny anyway. No one in their right mind would CHOOSE to smell like that, would they?
So to distract myself from her stench, I started thinking about grapes. I love grapes. Oh, green seedless grapes, in a bowl of iced water, cold and firm and sweet, I could eat them all day. Even the wine grapes my grandma and great grandma grew (from the old country, my great grandma made her own wine and spun her own cloth)--big purple ones with green insides and fat seeds that you have to work at, removing the skins and spitting out the seeds, I like them. But I hate anything made from grapes or smelling like grapes. Grape juice. Wine. Champagne. Grape candy. Grape gum. Grape toothpaste at the dentist. Raisins. All of that, eww.
On the other hand, there are cherries. Don't care for 'em at all. But cherry brandy? Cherry cough medicine or Nyquil? Wild cherry Lifesavers? Oh, those I eat up. Make me a black forest cake dripping with cherries, and I walk away. Don't adulterate my lovely ice cream sundae by putting a nasty cherry on top.
Then there are oranges. I love oranges, tangerines, clementines. I like orange juice and orange tictacs. Orange chapstick. I like lemon and lime juice in my diet soda, and I love orange soda--the only kind of soda I drink in both diet and regular flavors. (Ah, Fanta!) Orange-scented (any citrus really) air fresheners and cleaners, yum.
Apples--I like apples (don't love 'em). But only raw, fresh crunchy apples. Not cooked apples. Not apple juice. Not apple flavor. Not apple-scented candles or apple pie or apple streusal (however it's spelled). I ate applesauce when I was little because I didn't have a choice, but I won't eat it now.
In other words, I am completely crazy and unpredictable in what foods I like versus what food smells like. And I am also immobile. Don't get confused and think because I love cherry life savers I want a black forest cake. Or bring me grape juice to drink, or an apple pie, or a bottle of wine. I'd say, when in doubt with me, go for citrus. (Not grapefruit, I just can't get past the sour. Not crazy about blood oranges either.)
(image source)
Update (7-21-2011) I saw this product today at the grocery store: grape-scented booger wipes.  Do you think that's the culprit?

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Saturday, July 09, 2011

free cat food for you and for a shelter 7/9 & 7/10 (off topic)

Petco is having an awesome promotion this weekend. No purchase necessary. There is a special display with cans of Royal Canin (expensive!) cat food labeled FREE. Take 4 to the register; you keep 2 and 2 go into the pet donation box. How awesome is that? When I told the guy I had 3 cats he gave me an extra free can for myself. (I donated it.)
The details are here on this blog.
Even if you don't have a cat, if you're near a Petco today or tomorrow, get the 4 cans and put them all in the donation box!
I give my cats Royal Canin dry food as treats.  They love it.

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