no sympathy for eating disorders and fatties (rant)
I have a Facebook page under my real name, as well as my Rosie account. And on that page, under my real name, what should be 100% the real me, I never talk about the trials of being overweight. Of how annoying it is to be afraid of food. I don't trumpet my weight losses. If you didn't see photos of me on that page, you'd never know from just my posts that I'm morbidly obese.
There's a reason for that. And not just shame (the people who see me IRL know how fat I am). It's because no one gives a shit. No one cares that I am fat and I struggle and I cry in the bathroom at restaurants when my food is inedible (to me). In the real world, there is no sympathy for fat people. No sympathy for strange eating disorders. People I just play FB games with don't care, nor do HS friends I haven't seen in 20 years. My other friends are tired of hearing about it--their attitude is mostly that I am being a "baby" about food and that I need to "grow up".
I can't really judge them or be too sad, because I'm guilty of this too. When a size-10 friend is madly dieting down to a size 8, all I can think of is slapping her. When I see bulimics on TV, I don't think "they could die" (I know they can; many bulimic people have written to me about how horrible it is), I just think, "I wish I could throw up like that." I am grossed out by the visible bones of anorexics and baffled by their continuing view of themselves as overweight.
And that is just as wrong as people hating on me because I'm fat and have strange eating habits. I KNOW this. I watch shows about 600 and 800 lb people and I think, "Just stop eating so much!" but meanwhile people who weigh half what I do look at me and think the same thing. Shit rolls downhill, or maybe it's the immense gravity we have as large people that makes it stick to us.
That's why I had to create Rosie, to have a place to talk about these things. Sometimes I talk about her as a 3d person. I mentioned that I had posted something on FB and my friend said "I didn't see it" and I said "I let Rosie post it." Some days, she feels more real than I do.
If you are reading this ANYWHERE but on itsafatlife.blogspot.com, it's stolen; please let me know. wholelottarosieyoung at yahoo dot com. Thank you.