Tuesday, April 28, 2009

doctors continue to suck

Last Monday (8 days ago), I woke up sometime before dawn with a really sore throat, which is unusual for me.  I got up and had something to drink in case it was due to dehydration, and went back to sleep.  Woke up again when my husband got up around 6 and started coughing.  Great.  Decided to stay in bed extra and be lazy.
Around 10 I woke up again, half woke up really.  I heard this weird wet noise.  My first thought was that it was raining.  Then I noticed it seemed to be raining in time with my breathing.  I thought maybe it was a coincidence, or entrainment (me breathing in time with the rain) so I held my breath.  As soon as I started breathing again, I knew absolutely it wasn't rain.  My right lung was full of fluid.
I had an appointment with my new doctor on Friday but with the liquid burbling noise, I didn't want to wait so I called and asked if I could come in another day to have my lung checked.  I had a temp job coming up on Thursday and I didn't want to go in coughing and wet-lunged; not very professional even if it is only for 1 day.  They couldn't see me until Wednesday and by then my lung stopped burbling so I just canceled that one and kept the Friday one.  Which turned out to be a big mistake.
I should explain where this new doctor came from.  My friend has PCOS and she sees this doctor who does both GP work and OB-GYN work.  This female doctor diagnosed my friend's PCOS and treats her for it, and also found two breast lumps on her.   My friend RAVES about this woman.  My friend is about my age, and she is also overweight, although I have no idea how much she weighs.  She says the doctor is never judgmental about her weight.
I was all excited.  This was a doctor who wouldn't ignore me, who would care, like my old doctor did.  My husband already saw her for back pain and he liked her a lot.
I don't know if it was because I was sick and therefore feeling very off, or if the doctor was having a bad day, or what, but it went horrible.
First off, I was told I had to pick if I wanted a "new patient" visit or a sick visit.  I couldn't be sick AND be a new patient.  If they had told me that I would have kept my Wednesday sick visit.  I decided I would be a new patient and ignore being sick, since I had already worked with no voice and unprofessionally coughing the day before.  I showed "Dr Fab" my current pills, which she sneered at but made no comment.  I asked her if she was going to change the prescription and she said no.  I told her how the other place wouldn't treat me because I didn't want to get pregnant and strangely she seemed to agree with that.  I asked her for the metformin that the other place refused to give me....and this is where it gets really freaking annoying....she said SHE didn't want to treat my PCOS and told me to find another OB-GYN.  And she didn't give me the metformin!  
Then she lectured me on not coming right in when my lung was so bad on Monday.  I explained that I had called right away and wasn't given an immediate appointment.  She said that was because I wasn't a patient yet. So, because I wasn't a patient, I wouldn't have gotten the appointment I needed for immediate treatment of my burbling lung anyway, even though I called immediately, yet I was being reprimanded for not calling immediately.  Huh? 
I left with a lab sheet for a bunch more blood work and a listing of some local OB-GYNs to call, who share an office. I called and asked which one treats or specializes in PCOS and the receptionist said, "I never heard of it."  Which to me means people aren't calling and saying "the reason for my visit is PCOS".
That leaves me with no metformin 3 months after having slightly elevated blood sugar.  The same BC pills that give me horrible gloopy periods and cause weight gain.  And another doctor who has no interest in me.
My friend, who loves Dr. Fab, insists that her treating me like that was totally out of character.  Yet she did--she blew me off and sent me to someone else, knowing that had just happened to me and I was already upset over that.
Plus Dr Fab was obsessed by my lymph edema (which she called something else, I forget what), wanting me to go to a lymph edema clinic.  I can handle my damn edema on my own, but I can't fix a hormonal imbalance.  Help me where I need help! 
I feel like a useless, worthless human right now.   Even my husband is harping on me for not getting a permanent job that lasts longer than a day or two.    I'm starting to be so full of hate for myself.  
I hardly worked out last week because I was coughing so much and couldn't get my breath.  I took a class on Saturday (sat all day in a chair) and then had dinner (in a chair) and then watched two movies on DVD with friends (more chair sitting)...after only working out 1 hour that week instead of 4-6 hours, and my leg was solid with fluid and hurt so bad I had to rudely go upstairs to lie down as soon as the 2nd movie ended because I was almost crying with pain.  My husband tried to rub the fluid from my ankle after our friends left and it said it was so hard he couldn't even squeeze it.  I can't describe the pain--like an Indian rope burn only with a feeling of such fullness/stretching/heaviness...excruciating.
All in all, I feel pretty low.  Didn't lose any weight last week, did I expect to? I seem to be hovering right around 350, which is better than hovering around 365, but I'd like to get to below 300.   I was supposed to get a consult with this online exercise, diet & supplement guru but I think he is blowing me off. I haven't heard from him in a couple of weeks, since he sent me a flurry of questions about my PCOS symptoms (he's never worked with anyone who had it before).

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

fattest teen loses weight

Georgia Davis, 16, billed by The Sun as "Britain's fattest teen," has gone from 33 stone to 21 (462 lbs to 294 lbs) by coming to the USA and attending a special school for overweight kids called Wellspring Academy.   And apparently she lost all this weight in about 7 months, as she arrived last Aug 30.  Wow.  That's an amazing accomplishment.
On the message board where I first saw this story (not a weight-loss group), the posters actually reviled Georgia and said that no one who gets that overweight should ever be praised for losing weight and that it's not newsworthy at all.    Apparently all fat people are so disgusting we should just all be executed the second the scale hits some mythical number.  200, I guess, meaning I'd be long gone.
I think that anytime someone sets their mind to a goal and manages to to achieve it, that's worthy of praise. Unless of course your goal is illegal! 
Good for you, Georgia and keep going! 
(image source=article source; screenprint)

Friday, April 10, 2009

Calorie-Free Chocolate?! In my nose?

I am deeply suspicious.
A company has invented, essentially, a chocolate inhaler which supposedly gives all the pleasures of chocolate eating with no calories.  I have seen references to this story on all the news aggregators and various message boards where I hang out online--and these are not sites related to weight loss or obesity, just regular general interest sites.
If I am understanding the product correctly, it's a lipstick-looking thing filled with chocolate powder.  You snort it and  "It fills your mouth with almost pure chocolate - it tastes really good."  And contain NO calories.
I know there was a pill or something in Willy Wonka which tasted like an entire meal, and evidently that's what the inventors of the "Le Whiff" (is that not a DUMB name?) are going for: "But chocolate is only the beginning - we're going to be unveiling more different types of food in the future. Two Michelin-starred chef Thierry Marx is even working with us to develop meals, such as a mint-flavoured inhaler to go alongside his lamb dishes. Eventually we could be having three course meals this way."
I'm not sure I understand the "no calorie" aspect of it.  The article explains that the particles of chocolate are too big to get caught in your lungs.  So where do they go?  If you are swallowing them, and they are pure chocolate, are they not calories?  Are you sneezing them back out, like snuff?  What a mess, if that's true.  Can you imagine a bunch of people sneezing snotty chocolate everywhere? (gag)
Anyway, this product is supposed to be available on April 29 and comes in 4 flavors: raspberry, mint, mango and plain.
The company's website looks like an elaborate gag.  I know April Fool's was a couple of weeks ago but this just doesn't seem real.

(image source=article source; screenprint)

Sunday, April 05, 2009

biggest loser meanness

I was just on the totally looks like...site and someone did it:

It's awful because it's true. I imagine the odd configuration of his fat/skin rolls has to do with his prior WLS weight loss and regain.

doctors often suck

Thursday I went to the doctor to change my PCOS medicine. Because the medicine they originally gave me had warnings that I could not take Advil or my potassium level would spike and possibly give me heart failure. And of course Advil is the only thing that works on my arthritis and/or headaches.
I asked to see a different doctor, since the one who diagnosed me wasn't very friendly. She told me point-blank that no method of hormonal birth control causes weight gain. Which is, of course, total bullshit, because "weight gain" is listed as a side effect on all of them. She had no sympathy for my fears that being forced to go on the Pill would make me gain more weight.
I saw a different doctor. I had the PCOS book with me that my friend gave me and I wanted to discuss some of the things in it with her. She was less than interested. I asked her if I could get metformin since my insulin level is slightly high (just above 100) and clearly I'm going into insulin resistance or even metabolic syndrome X. Her answer? "You don't want to get pregnant so I won't prescribe that for you. We only treat patients who want to get pregnant." WHAT?!
I was on the phone with a friend of mine (one of 4 of my friends who has PCOS--I guess it's all around me but no one talks about it) practically crying at how the doctor treated me. She is going to give me her doctor's information and I'm going to switch.
I can't help but wonder if the OB-GYN really doesn't want to treat me because I don't want to have kids or because I'm fat. They have lectured me about being overweight before. One time I cried and said "Then help me" and they said there was nothing they could do.
Then shut up about it. I'm not stupid. I know I'm fat. I know I need to lose weight. I exercise excessively. And now I'm starting not to eat because I'm terrified every time I'm hungry that I'm not really hungry, it's the hormones making me hungry and I'm going to eat and eat out of control and gain weight. In response, I don't eat when I'm hungry or I eat only a few bites. I'm making myself sick over this.

dogs, and walking them

I've had a migraine for a few days.  Since about 2 hours after I started the new medicine for my PCOS, as a matter of fact.  Hmm, coincidence? I think not.  So I can't really read, or write, or hang out online.  I'm drugged right now but it doesn't last.
I thought, "maybe if I take a walk and get my blood moving my head will feel better."  (Not that it worked in the pool on Thursday or on Friday...)  And I'll take the dog, which I've been saying I want to do.
My first mistake: I say to the dog "do you want to go for a walk?"   Wrong word.  Dog wants to walk.  Rosie wants to put the dog into the car.  Dog feels lied to, has an anxiety attack (it's a small dog, prone to nervousness).  The whole short way to the trail, the dog is whining, shaking, panting and generally sounding as if it's having a heart attack or is being brought to a firing squad.
At the trail, I realize I have no pockets.  I have to juggle a leash, an mp3 player, a poop bag, car keys and my cell phone.  Luckily as soon as he got out of the car the dog did a massive dump, on the edge of being diarrhea.  Had to scrape that up but at least I didn't have to carry it 2 miles, since the only trash can is at the beginning of the trail at the parking lot.
My plan (and I assure you I had one) was to walk for 15 minutes, take a break, and walk back.  That gives me a lovely 30 minutes walk and isn't too much for a small dog.   It's not the full trail, but I figured the dog could work up to that and I could go without the dog and do the whole trail alone or with a human.
Seven minutes in, I came to a resting place, a lovely bench.  I sat down to rejuggle all my things, and the dog hopped up next to me.  I checked the phone, saw 7 minutes had elapsed and figured we'd make it to the next bench and turn around.
Nope.   As soon as I put the dog on the ground, he headed right back to the car. I couldn't get him to turn around.
So my grand idea of a 30 minute walk ended up being more like 15.  I think the drama of getting the dog in and out of the car and assuring him he was not going to be executed or eaten took longer than the actual walk.
And of course, having walked already today, I don't want to walk again.
I'm going to rake the yard and then watch the wind blow all the leaves I raked everywhere but into the compost pile.  Such is my life.