Tuesday, March 31, 2009

I am a lazy fatass and I am shamed

I'm watching The Biggest Loser.  The old woman, the grandma, lost 45 lbs at home on her own after only 1 week at the ranch.
What the hell is my excuse?

Sunday, March 29, 2009

honesty in advertising (soon fat)

I don't think this picture is a FAIL, I think it's a WIN!

(image source)

Friday, March 27, 2009

Addicted to Food (review)

Discovery Health is showing "Addicted to Food" about people at Andover Village in Ohio where extremely obese people go to lose weight.  I've got it on my DVR.  (As an aside, I never wanted a DVR.  What's the point?   But I've had one since January.  You will take my DVR when you pry it from my cold dead hands.  Maybe not even then.  Live TV? What's that? Commercials?  Oh, those things I fast-forward through?)
RJ Woodbury and Pam Acosta are the two people focused on during this show.  RJ is a huge black guy who is only 25 (937 lbs) and Pam a middle-aged white woman.  RJ has lymph edema and Pam's panniculus hangs almost to her knees. 
Their doctor makes an interesting point--addiction is when you realize food and your weight are controlling you.
Oh my god, RJ's lymph edema is so bad I'm crying watching it.  It doesn't even look like legs...yes, legs, he's got it in both legs.  It's swollen brown flesh; one has something that I guess is a toe sticking out at the bottom.  His legs have to be three feet around or more each.  It's horrible. Misshapen and discolored. 
I was able to find this tiny picture of his leg, but it doesn't do justice to seeing it moving on TV:

That bottom hunk is his food, the next one is the calf.  
This is why I watch these shows.  Because I don't want to look like that.  I don't want my leg to turn into that. I'll deal with the snot nosed kids at the pool every day if the option is to end up at Andover Village, on TV with my legs each the size of a teenager.
His mother says when his legs got bad, they oozed and stank so bad he didn't want to be around people or go out of the house.   Plus who wants to go out of the house at over 900 lbs?  He can barely walk.
A social worker convinced him to ask publicly for help to get the money to transport him to Ohio from North Carolina.  I can tell you I haven't got the money to pay my bills some months, but if I found out someone in my town was that big and needed help, I'd give to them.  How could I not?  
In five months he goes down to around 810 pounds (125 lbs in 5 months!  No surgery!) but he says it's only water weight.
He goes for lymph edema treatments 90 minutes away where they strap him to a 12 chamber inflatable cast/stocking thing that sequentially inflats (if I understand it correctly) to move the fluid form his legs--a 2 hour treatment each time (plus the 3 hour round trip).  Then he can pee it out the moved fluid.   Big legs, lotta pee.  Although the change isn't noticable on camera, he says he feels better.
If the woman's hands doing the wrapping of his foot are the size of mine, the misshapen lump that contains his foot is at least 30 inches around, and that's the smallest part of his leg.  His legs are all ulcerated and his thighs have to be 4 feet around.
4 months later, he has gained most of the 125 lbs back.  He stopped following his diet and stopped exercising.
The lady, Pam, although she is huge, has a certain elegance to her.  She walks with 2 sticks and was up to 580 lbs.  (Unfortunately I couldn't find a picture of her and I don't know how to get stills from my DVR to my computer.)  She reminds me of a dear relative of mine who died a few years ago (although my DR was not that overweight).  She lost 75 pounds in the first 4 or 5 months she was there. 
She pulls up her skirt and shows her belly at one point...it looks exactly like a butt.  You would never know you were looking at the front of a person.  It hangs down to her knees and has a total butt-crack look to it.  She gets approval to have that apron cut off after a year at Andover.  The excised fat weighs almost 35 lbs and the surgery takes 4 hours.  She doesn't look like a supermodel after--she is still very fat, and it actually makes her butt look even bigger (like a shelf butt) but she walks so much better and isn't hunched over with the weight of all that loose fat banging into her thighs.  With the surgery she has lost 100+ pounds and she gets her plaque.
This show is worth watching.  Even when RJ gains weight, he's not a whiner.  Both people are strong and inspiring.  There's also quite a bit of interesting lore about food addiction from the doctor.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

liveblog: What's Making You Fat?

I wasn't playing attention when I first saw the commercial for "What's Making You Fat" and all I heard was the name Bob and I thought it was Bob from The Biggest Loser. But it's a different Bob. I never heard of him. Not that my opinion matters to him, I'm sure. He's Oprah's weight loss guru. The show is going to have 10 weight loss myths, told through the stories of a fat guy and fat lady.
Jennifer is 36 and weighs 230 and wants to weigh 145. Right now in my life I'd be happy to weigh 230! Funny how ones perspective changes. She hardly looks fat to me!  Her hips are a little wide, that's all.   She complains about how "limited" she is by weighing 230.  Gain 120 lbs and come live in my body, Jennifer, and see how LIMITED your life becomes. This woman has some serious body disphora.

  • Myth 10: People overeat because they love food
Truth: people overeat for other reasons: stress, boredom, emotional turmoil, or to fill a void in their lives.
Jennifer says when she was young a science teacher picked on her weight and Bob says that "hardwired" her.  (Not explained further.)

Bob gives her a 12-month gym membership, 6 months with a personal trainer and 12 sessions of therapy with someone who specializes in eating disorders and weight loss.
Kaben is 46 and weighs 379 and wants to lose 100 lbs.  He's a big boy, looks like an ex-football player, and loves deep fried food.  He thinks his wife divorced him because of how fat he is.  He seems more realistic about what and who he is than Jennifer.  He admits to being an emotional eater.
Bob gives him 12 months membership to a club, only 4 months with a trainer, and the 12 sessions of therapy.  What? Why does 379-lb Kaben get two months LESS with a personal trainer than whiny 230-lb Jennifer? 
Quiz: Best vending machine snack: trail mix, pretzels or peanut butter crackers?
(answers at end of post)
Fact: Activity raises your metabolic level for several hours after you stop.
Bob talks about "perceived exertion scale"  0 is sitting in a chair, 10 is most exhausted you've ever been.  5 is normal  exertion (like walking across the room) and 7 is a good working out rate.  For 30 minutes a day, 5 days a week minimum.

  • Myth 9: Exercise makes you bulk up
His explanation of this is strange. He says that exercising "hydrates" your body and that's what causes the bulk.  Huh?  

Tip: Don't weigh yourself the first month of a weight loss program.

  • Myth 8: No more snacking
Correct snacking (what and how much) is important.  They keep your appetite in check.  175 calories or less is an appropriate snack.  Exotic fruit mixed with plain yogurt, for instance. (Like the starfruit I dreamt of recently?)

  • Myth 7: Carbs are bad
(Why do I hear this in Mr Mackey's voice from South Park? Instead of his "drugs are bad, m-kay" speech I hear "carbs are bad, m-kay".) Bad (simple) carbs are honey, table sugar, high fructose corn syrup (HFCS--the ancient enemy), empty calories.  Good (complex) carbs are veggies, potatoes, sweet potatoes, whole grain/whole wheat pasta/breads.
  • Quiz: how many calories in 6 oz of wine? 90, 120 or 150?
A good workout on an elliptical trainer is 15 minutes forward and 15 minutes backward.  
  • Myth 6: Cardio is the key to weight loss and strength training is secondary
Bob says they are equal. Strength training builds muscles, and a pound of muscle burns 4x the calories of fat.

  • Myth 5: you have to drastically cut calories
Cutting back too much on calories puts you into starvation mode and lowers your metabolism.  better to exercise, rev up your metabolism and then slowly discard unhealthy foods.

Bob's 6 unhealthy foods
alcohol, soda (he doesn't say if that includes diet soda), trans fat-containing foods, fried foods, white bread, high-fat milk and yogurt.
  • Myth 4:  Avoid fats entirely
Avoid trans fat and saturated fats.  Olive oil and canola oil are good fat. 
He recommends a journal of all foods eaten, exercise and any emotions that come up around exercise and food.  Then you can see patterns and change them.
  • Quiz: what's the best choice at the movies?  6 oz box of red licorice, a medium popcorn or 3.5 oz box of chocolate-covered raisins?

  • Myth 3: You can't lose weight eating out
I know people tell me that ALL the time: you're fat because you eat at restaurants and not at home.  I can tell you I eat a lot more when my husband or I cook dinner than I do at a restaurant.  Bob says you can find or modify something on every menu, especially if you check the menu beforehand.
Tip: smaller portion help control calories
That seems obvious, doesn't it?  That's why I usually take half my meal home or give it away to someone at my table.  Small plates, too, help a lot.
Jennifer has a breakdown because her daughter brings home sugar cookies to share and she eats a bite of one and then has to go journal about her angst.  I just can't like this woman. 
Tip: exercise improves your mood.
Usually, but not the last few times I've been to the pool (as I have already documented)
Bob asks his people to find alternatives to food--things they can do that they really enjoy and don't revolve around eating.  Kabin plays the tuba on the roof of the building he manages.  It's goofy and fun.  They don't show what Jennifer chose.
  • Quiz: What is the better choice, a fast food hamburger or fast food fish sandwich?
  • Myth 2: Food alone is what's making you fat
Being sedentary is just as important as what you eat.  Exercise is mandatory.

  • Quiz: how many teaspoons of sugar are in an 12 oz soda? 8, 10 or 12?

  • Myth 1: You'll be happy if you lose weight.
If you don't lose weight you'll feel unhappy for not losing weight, but once you lose weight you'll find your weight has nothing to do with how happy you are.  Bob says if you are happy now you'll be more likely to stick with a diet and exercise program.
Well, I went from around 180 to 120 my senior year of high school.  Although the period of weight loss was extremely unhappy, in general I was WAY happier thin than not (until my boyfriend starting beating me up).

At the end of the show (12 weeks), Jennifer was down to 198 (down 32 lbs) and from a size 20 to 14 in jeans.
Kabin went from 379 lbs to 363 but he LOOKS way slimmer (probably built a lot of muscle).  Bob thinks Kabin continued to eat incorrectly and also did not exercise enough.

Quiz answers:
  • Trail mix has protein and fiber but a lot of calories.
  • 6 oz of wine has 150 calories.
  • The 3.5 oz box of raisins is the best choice, but eat half the box since it's 380 calories.
  • The burger has 250 calories and 9 grams of fat while the fish has 380 calores and 18 grams of fat.
  • A 12 oz soda has 10 teaspoons of sugar.

ADHD linked to obesity?

A new study has found a link between obesity and ADHD. (A)ttention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (is) a neuro-developmental irregularity that causes people to behave impulsively and seek constant stimulation. They nibble to counter feelings of restlessness...."ADHD is a primary cause of failing to lose weight for tens of thousands of people," said Dr. Levy, who is with the Nutritional and Eating Disorders Clinic. "Obese people are three to five times more likely to have it than the regular population. And if you treat them, you will see a significant weight loss."
(A)study of 242 obese patients (PubMed ID 19223848) found that 32 per cent had ADHD, compared with 4 to 7 per cent in the general population. When treated for ADHD, the patients were able to lose 12 per cent of their body weight within 14 months. These patients, who were given psycho-stimulants to increase the dopamine in their brains, had tried and failed to lose weight for at least a decade.
I know almost nothing about ADHD.  But I am fairly certain I don't have it...I have an active mind, yes, and I'm fidgety, but I'm not distracted (ohh, shiny...) and unable to function.
But then again, who knows?   Kids didn't really start being diagnosed with it until I was in my teens and it wasn't common even then.  One of my cousins was diagnosed when he was 8 or 9 years old and that was the first I heard of it; I was a teenager.  I was certainly never tested in any way to see if I have it.
The woman featured in the article weighed 420 at the time her her diagnosis.  (Now she has had bariatric surgery and weighs 225.) Ms. Gilmore, now 41, calls the diagnosis "a gift" that has changed every aspect of her life. "I used to eat to calm myself down. It was a way to self-medicate," she said. "I don't even remember how much I used to eat." Weight-loss programs stressing lifestyle and dietary changes didn't work for her because she didn't have the perseverance to follow them.
Okay, then I must have it, because I hate following diets. That clinches it. And I didn't know there were real weight loss programs that don't tell you to change your lifestyle and diet, except for lying infomercials touting fake weight loss drugs.
"In high school I was labelled a daydreamer and lazy." (Ms Gilmore says.) Yet all the classic symptoms were there: difficulty absorbing information, managing her time and finishing assignments.
And eating. They forgot eating.
Perhaps I am mocking this too much, but it seems like another "it's not my fault" excuse.  I mean, fine, if a doctor wanted me to try "psychostimulants" to see if I'd lose weight, I'd try them, but I am certainly not going to go looking for them.
Hmm.  That makes me wonder.  What exactly is a psychostimulant?  Let's go to our friend Wikipedia, which tells me "Examples of psychostimulants include amphetamine, methamphetamine, cocaine, methylphenidate, and arecoline, the most widely used psychostimulant."  Amphetamines.  As in the widely-used diet pill phentermine? 
So these people are saying that taking speed works for weight loss because people have ADHD?  Not because it's a massive stimulant that also depresses your appetitite?

(image source; screenprint of original)

so tired of the pool & PCOS

I skipped the pool today to clean out the garage and then I didn't clean out the garage because it rained.
Yesterday I was scheduled to walk, but a friend who lives way up north ("in God's country" as my aunt used to say) invited me over. She lives on a farm, with sheep and various other critters. Gorgeous place. I ended up staying for most of the day and got home well after 6 due to a traffic jam. Then my husband wanted dinner, so it was after 8 when I settled at home, way too late to walk.

My friend, who is a scientist and a genius who happens to have PCOS herself, gave me a book on polycystic ovary syndrome (The Savvy Woman's Guide to PCOS). I've just started it but it's pretty scary so far. I wonder/worry how long I've had PCOS and what kind of damage it's done to me besides make me bald in some spots, hairy in others, and fat everywhere. How unattractive does all that sound!? Ugh. Trying BEING that way. I should be living under a bridge like the troll I am.
Anyway, two days without the pool and I'm not missing it in the least. I want to walk. I wish my membership wasn't paid through the end of May. With my luck I'll win the contest and get a free month added on!
Tuesday my workout was a disaster. I checked the schedule carefully and saw that no swimming lessons were due to begin until 3 p.m. so I went just before 1 p.m. That would mean, at worse, some kids might be coming in the locker room as I was exiting.
Just after one, a herd of children was led to the pool. I felt like screaming. But they were all boys and looked too old to be allowed in the women's locker room and they'd be on their side of the pool, right? So no big deal.
Wrong. The teacher proceeded to teach the class on the "free swim" side of the pool, in the shallow water, exactly where I was doing the first half of my workout. She didn't say anything to me, just allowed the kids to kick-splash me repeatedly in the face and crowd me into the wall until I gave up and moved to the deep end. Of course I wasn't warmed up enough for the deep end and immediately I did something to my bad knee; it popped and pain went shooting through it.
I tried to keep going, to get at least part of a workout, even a bad one, but then she moved the class to the deep end, to kick-splash me and crowd me out.
I was the only one in the pool; I guess the others knew what was coming when they all left as soon as they saw the boys herded in.
My hair was dripping wet and my eyes burning with chlorine from being splashed so I did what the teacher obviously wanted and simply left the pool, fuming, after barely a half hour workout, and a crappy one at that.
An older man who often works out around the same time as me was just coming into the pool room and saw that I was upset. He thought I should have said something if it made me that agitated. But I complained last week about the whole curtain ripping thing and no one cared. A few weeks earlier I mentioned (not complained) that I saw a woman standing her kids, in their muddy shoes, all over the sinks (where people wash their hands and put on make-up) and that behavior hasn't been curtailed in the slightest either.
At this point I just want to take the dog and head to the trail with my headphones on. Screw all this getting changed, getting dried off, getting stared at, getting pushed aside, getting my stuff tossed on the floor, etc, and paying for the privilege.
I understand that I am unusually intolerant of badly-behaving children, but I really feel like it's getting extreme at this place. I've heard other people who come there to work out in the pool complaining about the filthiness of the locker room when there are kids using it, and of the volume of screaming and running in the hallway (and screaming in the pool area).
When I was little and took swimming lessons and went in neighbor's pools, one rule was drilled into all of us: never scream or yell in a pool unless you are drowning. If you yell all the time and something happens, no one will even bother to look to find out what's wrong. I guess that doesn't apply anymore.

the 4800 calorie burger

I enjoy a good burger with a lovely toasted bun, as long as it's not slathered in goop, goo, cheese and gloop.
I don't think this burger qualifies.
It's served at a baseball park, which is not known for its quality food, for one thing.  It's $20 for another--no burger no matter how huge is worth that amount of money unless it comes with gold nuggets. 
The 4-pound, $20 burger features five beef patties, five slices of cheese, nearly a cup of chili and liberal doses of salsa and corn chips, all on an 8-inch sesame-seed bun.
Who the hell puts corn chips on a burger?  There should be a law against that.
I know a lot of people are really into these big food challenges.  There's even a show, Man vs Food, on the Travel Channel, about them.  Personally I would not eat ANY of the foods featured on the show.  Even the giant pizza has tons of greasy heavy meat toppings. Bleagh.
I really don't eat like a fat person or think about food like a fat person. But I do know that anyone who eats one of these mega-burgers on a regular basis is most likely a fatass.
(image source=article source; screenprint of article)

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Walking, and I dreamt I ate a starfruit

Yesterday I walked for about 25 minutes, no break, no sitting down, about .92 miles (it's hard to measure exactly using Google Earth).  Today I did the 2-mile walk with my husband and my friend.  It took us about an hour, but we sat 4 times.  My friend is interested in my Sleeping Giant goal and is going to climb the mountain with me in July.

I bought a set of Dr. Scholls Knee Pain Relief insoles for my ancient sneaker boots (bought in 2001--who says Wal-Mart sells cheap crap that doesn't last?) and I also took 2 Advil before we left.  I walked further and faster without sitting than last week; not sure if it's due to the insoles or the Advil.  
Last night I dreamed about fruit and vegetables.  How weird is that?  In the dream, I was someone who worked in a hotel or something. I knew about restaurants and food. And so someone asked me to go to this buffet and eat the food and figure out why it was doing so poorly.  Immediately I knew what the problem was.  All the fruits and veggies were whole.  If you wanted something, you couldn't get a slice or chunk, you had to take the whole thing. And the foods were all weird.  The only one I remember was star fruit (pictured).  The star fruit was more yellow than the picture shows and it was juicy and delicious.  If it really tastes like it does in the dream, I want some!
There were big things like zucchini, but shorter and fatter and darker green. I knew what it was called in the dream but I've forgotten.  All the fruit was huge.  And everyone was bringing big plates of fruit back to their tables, slicing 1 piece off each fruit and tossing the rest.  The veggies were the same thing.  Of course that was why the place was losing money but they didn't want to believe me. If someone at a buffet wants to make a salad, they don't want a head of lettuce, a tomato, a pepper, an onion, a carrot, etc--they want a bowl of lettuce leaves and a pair of tongs to grab just a few, and slices of tomatoes, peppers, onions and carrots.
But yes, in a nutshell, I dreamt I ate a starfruit.  There seems to be something deeply symbolic in that.  I'll ask my friend who is a Wiccan High Priestess; she knows all kinds of stuff like that.

(image source)

Friday, March 20, 2009


This is how I feel about Oreos, the only thing I would ever binge on.

bad day

Wednesday I had an awful time at the poolI was ready to quit going. 
A million (give or take a few hundred thousand) children in the locker room, all screaming and running around.  As usual when it's bring your brat day, the locker room was filthy.  For some reason, the powers that be have removed the doors from the toilet stalls and replaced them with shower curtains that don't fit the space or close properly.   I was in one of the stalls changing (I bring two strips of duct tape to keep the curtain shut).  Whoever controls the volume of the country music was playing with the radio, turning it almost all the way down and then cranking it up to maximum.
All that only sets the stage.
Now a child starts punching my shower curtain.  The first time I say nothing; the kid's mother says "look for feet, there's someone in there."  The kid punches the curtain again.  I push back and say "I'm in here."  Radio blares, goes silent.  Kid punches curtain.  I push curtain and say "HEY" in a loud firm voice.  Someone turns out all the lights.  Radio blares.  The lights come back on.  The kid punches the curtain.  I push back and say "HEY" in a louder voice.
The kid RIPS DOWN THE SHOWER CURTAIN and stands there staring at me.
Luckily I was almost finished getting dressed.  I yelled "What the hell?"  and shoved by the brat, leaving the broken shower curtain hanging there.
What does the mom say?  "Oh, honey, you didn't do anything wrong."
This is the SECOND TIME a kid has burst into a stall where I'm changing and the mother has said I was in the wrong to complain!
I complained to the staff, of course, but they don't care how badly the swimming lesson students interfere with the patients who use the facility.   Last year when I went there for therapy, I'd be on the table, trying to relax with a hot or cold compress on my leg at the end of a treatment, and all I could hear was the thunder of kids running up and down the halls and their screaming voices.  That's just great for a healing atmosphere.
I did about 80 minutes Wednesday, having to time my pool exit to when there would be the least amount of screaming brats in the locker room (middle of lesson).  That's why I'm not going on Wednesday anymore; there isn't a time when I can use the pool that doesn't also having swimming lessons.
I honestly don't know what to do. I stay out of the way of these people and their children, I don't talk to them or interact with them.  I go in a stall, change and get the hell out of there.  I'm not bothering ANYONE.  But I endure all kinds of harassment--crawling under the stall wall, ripping down the curtain, eyes to the crack, kids saying loudly how fat I am and other assorted less polite comments.
Why do I dislike kids so much?  Hmm, can't imagine why when all the ones I come in contact with are such angels.

I have a goal--to climb a giant

I've been walking a woodland trail not far from my house which is a little more than 2 miles long in a lovely loop.  It takes me a long time and I have to stop often and my knee hurts. 
I decided that I am going to go to the pool Monday, Tuesday, Thursday & Friday and walk this 2 mile trail on Wednesday and Saturday, with my friend and/or my husband or by myself.  Sundays will remain a day of bodily rest & vegatation.
My first goal is to be able to walk the 2+ miles with a minimum of stops.  Right now I stop about 6 times, more toward the end than the beginning.  I'd like to stop twice--halfway and 3/4 of the way.
The second goal is, having gotten my stops over 2 miles down to 2 or less, I want to be able to walk up the main trail of Sleeping Giant. It is 1.6 miles each way.
So I figure if I can walk 2.2 miles on a flat trail with only 2 stops, I can probably climb 700 feet over 1.6 miles--it's a gentle, wimpy grade that I used to laugh at.  At the top, I can hang out, eat some fruit, drink some water and take my time coming back down. 
My plan is to do this on or by 4th of July weekend.
Yesterday I wanted to walk.  Because of bad laundry planning, I had no clean bathing suit.  My husband even said he would walk with me in the morning.  And then it poured most of the day.  Shortly before sundown, of course, it slowed, but I didn't want to be out in the woods in the rain alone when it got dark. I've never HEARD of any crime along that trail, but I don't want to be the first. 

(image source: wikipedia)

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

too fat to work?

Part of me is so pissed off at this story.  And part of me wonders: how can I get disability for being too fat?  I'm fatter than these people!
Basically, this family of 4 in the UK doesn't work and gets full benefits because they are all "too fat to work."
The husband and wife weigh 24 stone each (336 lbs).  One daughter weighs 17 stone (238 lbs) and the other 18 stone (252 lbs).
Since when is 250 lbs too fat to work!?
I'm going to say that louder (bigger):
Since when is 250 lbs too fat to work?
I'm flabbergasted. I really am.  I weigh a hundred pounds more and I work.  Well, not at the moment, but that's because there are no jobs around here right now. 
The Chawners, (who) haven't worked in 11 years, claim their weight is a hereditary condition and the money they receive is insufficient to live on....Each week, Mr and Mrs Chawner, who have been married for 23 years, receive £177 in income support and incapacity benefit. Mrs Chawner is paid an extra £330-a-month disability allowance for epilepsy and asthma, both a result of being overweight. Mr Chawner gets £71 a month after developing Type 2 diabetes because of his size.
Since when does being overweight cause asthma or epilepsy? That's very strange.
And I wonder why in the UK you get extra money for being sicker if medicine is socialized. It's not like they need to spend extra on medicine or doctor's care.
One of the daughters is on what sounds like unemployment ("Jobseekers' Allowance") and the other gets a stipend for being a student. Both daughters apparently have no time to exercise due to their busy schedules: Emma said: "I'm a student and don't have time to exercise...We all want to lose weight to stop the abuse we get in the street, but we don't know how."

They live in England, they can call Gillian McKeith--the sarcastic "You Are What You Eat" lady. I'm sure she'd love to get her hands on them.
I'm jealous, too, of course.  Like most people, I am fundamentally lazy, even if I do work out 90 minutes a day (93 minutes today).  How cool, to be paid to be fat!  Homer Simpson did it--when he got to 300 lbs, he got to work from home and be disabled. 
But there's something fundamentally wrong in getting money just for laying in bed and being fat. I guess it's because I'm from Puritan-Work-Ethic New England (you can't get something from nothing). I know these people on TV who get cut out of their houses are getting paid somehow--social security? Disability? 
And no, I don't want to become so fat I have to be cut out of my house just to be able to stay home and not work.  The payoff--wow.  I'd go nuts if I couldn't leave my house, forget about not leaving my BED.  Crazy.
too fat to work?
(screenprint of original; image source=article source)

Monday, March 16, 2009

what's going on--most of it crappy

Death in the family last week.  Not someone close to me (in blood or in my heart) but still way too much drama over it over with those who are close to me in blood/heart.  I sat through the wake, went to the incredibly long Catholic mass, went to the military funeral, and then finished up the two days with the group family meal at a local restaurant.  It was emotionally exhausting.  I really hate death's rituals.  Even the priest was crying at the funeral.  I hate getting sucked into other people's emotions.  I have enough drama in my life that I wish I could get rid of--stuff that never comes up in this blog--I don't want to get caught up in other people's stuff.
I'm not saying I wasn't emotional when my dad died.  But my mom and I didn't go for the whole wake/funeral/gravesite thing, we did something very simple (and unusual for our family) with a minimum of fuss and religion.  My mom, thankfully, has decided she wants as minimal a service as I can give her when she dies (not that she's going to die in the next, oh 30 years or so).
So more "other people's stuff" has come up, something I can't avoid.  One of my best friends might have cancer.  I hate even typing those words, like saying it will make it come true.  She is terrified.  Except for one person, the only experience I have with cancer is that people with cancer die.  (The exception is another friend of mine who survived cancer, but I only knew her AFTER her cancer was gone, not before/while she was sick.)  She is going for another round of testing this week and I might go with her.  Not that I can do anything but sit in the waiting room, but at least she won't have to be alone if she gets bad news.  Times like this it's good to be unemployed and be able to say "any day, any time, I'll go with you to the doctor's office."
I missed two days of working out last week.  Wednesday because I did a favor for someone, waited for a delivery all day.  Friday because I was at the funeral.  Made up for it with a two-mile walk on Saturday.  Amazing how walking uses such different muscles than all the exercises I do in the pool.  My BUTT hurts!  And my calves.  My calves are rock-hard, I thought they got a thorough workout every day. I went to the pool today (only for a hour, as I've been sick the last couple of days) and to my surprise the exercise called "dolphin" is the one where my calves hurt the same way as walking (well, doing the exercise triggered the calf pain).  Maybe I should do that exercise more.
I walked with another friend (not the possibly ill one) who is also very overweight and unemployed.  She is probably going to have a job next week (a former client of hers from two jobs ago is putting together something for her) and she might be able to find something for me too.  But while we are both unemployed we are going to try to take a walk or work out together at least once a week, either at her gym or at my pool. 
So walking with my other friend and making these workout arrangements is the best thing that happened to me in the last week or so. 
I want to reiterate that this blog is about my being fat and how it affects my life.  There are aspects of my life that have nothing to do with being overweight and those don't come into play at all in this blog.  So the people who post negative comments about my focus on my weight...duh.  The blog is about being overweight. It's not about my haircolor, my neighborhood, my reading habits or what I watch on TV (besides shows on obesity).  The blog will NEVER be about those things.  It will be about being fat.  And guess what, being fat can be a really negative thing.  

Tuesday, March 03, 2009


I signed up for Twitter. Not sure how much I'm going to use it, but here I am if anyone wants to follow me.
I got bored almost immediately on Myspace and deleted my profile, so we'll see how long this lasts.