Monday, December 28, 2009

hoarding (part 2)


I just started that book about being fat and being a hoarder that was recommended by a reader in my previous hoarding post. It is, so far, an awesome book--Does This Clutter Make My Butt Look Fat?: An Easy Plan for Losing Weight and Living More is the full title--and I'm going to quote it (just once):
All of us deal constantly with the urge to consume more.  They're just not every different--clutter and fat:  I see it.  I want it.  I'll have it.  Consumption is king.
Oh my god.  How true is that.  I've only read a measly 10 pages and already I see he's put into words what I was trying to say in my earlier post.
Over the holiday I had the pleasure of seeing one of the hoarders in my life.  She smelled horrid.  It made me feel bad.  Because she is a really nice, lovely person, smart, educated, and probably more cultured than I am. She is a professional who has to dress up for work and I wonder that no one has ever said anything to her about her smell. It's not body odor (except for her breath) it's the smell of her filthy house embedded into her clothing.  She actually mentioned that she watches Hoarders!  And wondered aloud about people who had dead animals in their houses.   I think my mouth fell open.  Does she forget me crying over the dead kittens in her dining room and telling me to just chuck them in the garbage?   Could anyone be so blind to their own living situation? 
Which freaks me out.  Am I smelly?  Is my house disgusting?  Do my clothes stink?   And I am oblivious and no one will tell me? 

If you are reading this ANYWHERE but on itsafatlife.blogspot.com, it's stolen; please let me know. wholelottarosieyoung at yahoo dot com. Thank you.

lack of doctors? (off topic a bit)

The other day, I went to put in my contact lenses and one of them had a huge rip in it. (Which could explain the headache I had the day before.) I went into the medicine cabinet for my boxes of lenses...and I only had 1 left lens left. Of course it was the left one which was ripped.
I have no eye doctor anymore.   I had been, most of my life, going to this little locally-owned place that was a hive of eye care professionals.  There was the eye doctor, the guy who dispensed contact lenses, and the lady who sold glasses.  The person who owned the hive sold it and now it's just a place that sells glasses.  I don't know where the eye doctor went or where my records are.  
But the weird thing is, in the last year, I have lost ALL my doctors.  My regular doctor retired abruptly a year ago.  My gyno office decided they didn't want to treat me anymore (after 15 years) because I don't want to have children (which I told them since day 1 of going there)--they want to specialize in fertility treatments.  Now my eye doctor is gone.
I'm trying to think, spiritually, of what kind of meaning this can have for me.  I guess it's that everyone who is examining me, whatever part of me, is new, looking at me with new eyes and no preconceived notions.  I started going to the PCOS clinic at Yale.  I found a new primary care doctor.  I'm working on a new gyno.  I guess now I have to find a new eye doctor, or next time I rip a left lens I'm SOL.


If you are reading this ANYWHERE but on itsafatlife.blogspot.com or on SparkPeople.com, it's stolen; please let me know. wholelottarosieyoung at yahoo dot com. Thank you.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

hoarding and overeating and being crazy

I like to watch the show "Hoarders" on A&E. I DVR it every week and watch it a few days later, and if it's really horrifying, I make my friends come over and watch. While they are over, we also watch some of the saved-forever, most disgusting, episodes of "How Clean is Your House" (the crazy British women on BBC).
I have experience with hoarding. Unfortunately, because this blog is starting to be read by people in my real life (thanks, Facebook), I can't "out" the hoarders or describe my relationship to the household.
I've watched enough episodes of "Hoarders" to start to see a pattern in hoarding, and seeing also that much of it is present in the house I have experience with.  I have helped clean out 2 rooms of this house, and I will never help again because it needs a bulldozer at this point, not a broom and a trash bag.
Some of the reccurring themes that match this house:

  • Unbearable stench.  In the summer, you can smell it from the street.
  • People sleeping on the couch because the bedrooms are inaccessible from trash.
  • Room(s) closed off completely due to damage.  The house had a leaky roof that wasn't repaired. The ceiling came down in the master bedroom.  Solution? Shut the door and put a bookcase in front of it, walling off the bedroom AND a bathroom and all the crap in it.  For over 20 years.
  • Dead animals entombed in the trash heaps.
  • Feces and urine everywhere (animal, not human).
  • Lack of electricity for an extended period of time.
  • Lack of hot water for an extended period of time.
  • Homeowners frantic and hysterical when house is cleaned and filthy disgusting trash objects are thrown away.
  • Not allowing anyone to come over--meeting people at other places or coming outside to wait to be picked up
  • Not thinking it's a problem--at least one person in the household watches "Hoarders" and discusses it with a straight face, as if the show has no validity toward their lives!
  • Excessive number of pets, not properly cared for.
  • Overweight inhabitants.
It is the last that got me thinking the other day.  I see the people on TV having what seems to me to be excessive reactions to trash being flung out.  Some of it, well maybe I can understand.  I did keep a shirt and a piece of jewelry from my dad (and his really nice nail grooming kit) and I'd be sad if they got thrown away, but that doesn't negate that I loved my dad and I miss him.  I have a few childhood toys, a couple of other small mementos of dead relatives.  I have all my dead pets on a shelf (ashes).   All these things are clean and cared for and there would be no reason for someone cleaning my house to think they were trash and throw them out.
But then I see crazy stuff on TV, just crazy. On a scale of 1-10, 10 being she'd die without it, an old lady ranks a filthy doormat as a 9 and won't let the cleaners throw it out because her last name is on it.  When pressed by the specialist, she reduces the need for the mat to an 8.  And I think, it's a freaking doormat, lady, go to Wal-Mart and buy a new one for less than $5 if you need a doormat that badly! 
And I feel superior.  
Which is bad thing, of course.  
Because I might not understand why a woman needs to keep everything her dead parents ever owned, or keep the stuffed animals she bought for a child who never played with them, or keep a ballet outfit that is crusted with cat poop, but in my own way I am just as crazy.  I will get to that in a moment.
There is not a perfect correlation between people on cleaning TV shows and obesity, but it seems like the majority of people who have these nasty houses are fat.  It could just be, of course, that 75%+ of the populations of the US and GB are overweight and that is true for those on reality TV as well.
That leads me to wonder if the same kind of brain triggers work on eating and keeping stuff.
I know there is more than one type of overeater.  People who eat when bored, when stressed, from environmental triggers (a certain TV show, time of day, routine), those who eat all day long, those who binge, and the one that interests me most in this case, what one article I read forever ago called "tourist eating" (and these are all from memory, so I may have forgotten some type).  I am a tourist eater.   That means that you eat things as if you'll never be in that place again to have more.  If you're on vacation in Greece, you are wolfing down all the great fresh Greek foods you can, because you know you'll never come back--that's logical tourist eating.  But if you're at Red Lobster and you eat 3 baskets of biscuits as if Red Lobster is going out of business, that's illogical tourist eating (and I do it--although I've never eaten 3 basket of biscuits).   Everyplace you go, you eat like you're never coming back and can never have it again.
I can see, tenuously, some kind of connection between being afraid (and it's all about fear, hoarding stuff and hoarding food in your body) that you'll never eat feta cheese with fresh olives again, and fear that you'll never find the perfect doormat again.  Or you fear the afterlife doesn't exist, and all you have left of your loved ones are memories, ashes, and old teddy bears--and you will never see them again.   Fear of not having enough, of whatever it is you have.  Or that it will be taken from you.
And now that I've depressed myself and my faithful readers, onto my psychosis and another reason why I see a connection.  I know what I have isn't exactly common, but it's me and it's what I know.  I am completely irrational about food, even more so than these people on TV with their dirty junk.  If you fed me a piece of cake and I said it was good and you told me it was made with mayonnaise, I would go into the next room and vomit and cry that I was tricked into eating mayo.   (And if you think that's nuts, my mom did it to me to prove that mayo wasn't evil.  All she did was make me not trust her cooking anymore.)  I could no more eat a piece of fish than that lady could throw away the teddy bear she bought for her dead baby.  I would eat, oh, a piece of cloth.  A piece of cardboard.  Before I'd eat any foods not on my approved list.  And if I was on TV, crying because someone wanted me to eat mayo or mustard or fish, or any food that I didn't know its ingredient list, you would say "this woman is a whack-job.  Eat it and shut up, you fatty."  And you'd be right.  Because when it comes to food, I am crazy and I can't help it.   So I have to accept that when it comes to cleaning, hoarding, and keeping all sorts of trash, those people have their own brand of crazy too, and most likely they can't help themselves either.
So I don't feel so superior anymore.  I feel rather small, but not in a good way.


If you are reading this ANYWHERE but on itsafatlife.blogspot.com or on SparkPeople.com, it's stolen; please let me know. wholelottarosieyoung at yahoo dot com. Thank you.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Drinking Fat follow-up

A few months ago I posted some print ads from NY that equated drinking high-calorie beverages with drinking fat. My friend over at the Melting Mama blog found a commercial showing the same thing. Even grosser. Yes the video blows the margin; when will YouTube figure out they need a smaller format available for blogs?


If you are reading this ANYWHERE but on itsafatlife.blogspot.com or on SparkPeople.com, it's stolen; please let me know. wholelottarosieyoung at yahoo dot com. Thank you.

Friday, December 11, 2009

Two ways to die that both suck

Way #1: Obese man dropped by ambulance crew, dies of injuries.
Way #2: Falling into a vat of melted chocolate.


#1 Kenny Williams, of Suffolk (England, not where I live), weighed 420 lbs. If I understand the poorly written article correctly, he was on his way for weight loss surgery when the ambulance crew dropped him outside his house and he died.
Nice.  I'm sure that people all over the internet will be laughing and making "You killed Kenny!" references (you bastards).  I guess so, but mostly I feel sad.  He was trying to get better.  And now he's dead and all the world knows about him was what he weighed and that he died in a stupid way.
(image source for Kenny)(screenprint of original article)

Way #2: Don't buy any Hershey bars for a while. According to this article,  29 year old temp worker in NJ somehow fell into a giant mixing vat filled with liquid chocolate and was beaten to death by the agitators in the 120 degree liquid before he could be pulled out. I love chocolate, but I wouldn't want to die this way.  Burnt, pummeled, drowned--no.  I also would not want to be dropped by an ambulance crew, but given the choice, drop me on my head and get it over with.  I'm not Rasputin and I won't need to be killed a dozen ways before I die.  (screenprint of original article)

obese man killed by ambulance crew
death by chocolate



If you are reading this ANYWHERE but on itsafatlife.blogspot.com or on SparkPeople.com, it's stolen; please let me know. wholelottarosieyoung at yahoo dot com. Thank you.

Tuesday, December 08, 2009

Censorship (veers off topic)

My earlier post on Back Boobs was censored on Spark People--I had posted a link from my SP blog to this one. Because 1 person found it offensive.
It reminds me of when I tried to join Overeaters Anonymous and at my first meeting I tried to say something about food, I can't remember what, and I was yelled at because apparently at a meeting about eating and food, food is an absolutely taboo subject. I didn't last long at OA as you can imagine.  I'm not very good at censoring my thoughts!   Honest...direct...tactless....rude....that's me.
I'm not big on censorship in general. All but 1 comment on the link were positive, people laughing and saying I made their day. Reminds me of the Christian outrage pie for some reason.


There is a kind of local situation about censorship going on.  You might remember, no matter where you live, that a couple of years ago 2 guys broke into a doctor's house in Connecticut and burned the house down with the family in it--the father barely escaped with his life (although he lost everything that had meaning to him).  It was tragic and horrible and made headlines everywhere in state as well as national headlines.  For reasons I can't comprehend, it has not gone to trial yet so there is no resolution.  But someone wrote a book about it.  The library in the town where it happened purchased a copy and citizens are outraged.   Okay, I can understand that you aren't happy that your tax dollars bought the book. But you don't need to read it just because it's in the library.  The same library probably has copies of books like Mein Kampf by Hitler.  People have gone so far as to say they won't patronize Barnes and Noble, Amazon, Borders, etc if they carry the book on the home invasion.  Huh?  Yes, it might have been in poor taste to publish it before the trial and yes it might pollute the jury pool (not like having it on the cover of national magazines and in every local paper and local TV news show didn't do a good job of that already), but you can't punish retailers--or the library--for the book's existence. 
We live in a free country.  If something offends you, don't read it.  Don't watch it. Don't look at it.
And yeah, I didn't link to Spark People.  Right now, my spark is out.


If you are reading this ANYWHERE but on itsafatlife.blogspot.com or on SparkPeople.com, it's stolen; please let me know. wholelottarosieyoung at yahoo dot com. Thank you.

OMG I would totally eat this...

....and this is why I'm fat. This is from the website "This is Why You're Fat" and it showcases different high calorie foods. 99.9% of them are absolutely disgusting. And then there is this:

The Smorturary
One layer of marshmallows, a layer of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, another layer of marshmallows sandwiched between two S’more Pop-Tarts topped in chocolate sauce.





Okay, and this:
Swisswich A La Mode
Nestle tollhouse cookie ice cream sandwhiches stuffed with Swiss Rolls and Nutella, smothered in hot fudge.


I recently discovered Nutella.  It's kind of like chocolate frosting mixed with fudge and has hundreds of calories per spoonful.  Which is why I've only eaten it 3x ever, and once I didn't know that's what it was (I thought it was frosting). 


If you are reading this ANYWHERE but on itsafatlife.blogspot.com or on SparkPeople.com, it's stolen; please let me know. wholelottarosieyoung at yahoo dot com. Thank you.

Back boobs

Is this a fashion or fitness trend of some sort that I missed?
Both of these are from People of Walmart. You should look very carefully at this site if you ever go to Walmart, cuz you might be on it.




I have a lot to say about this.
First of all, WTF.
Second of all, if you are overweight you should NOT be wearing a backless barely there top.  Under no circumstances.  Not even at home alone.  Especially not in public.
Third, do these girls not own mirrors
Fourth, HOW THE HELL DOES THAT HAPPEN?  I was up to a 60 BMI in super super morbidly obese DAMN category and I did not have giant boobs on my back.
Fifth, neither of these people are shopping alone.  Doe the people with them hate them that much?  How can you not say, "Hey friend/lover/sister, you can't go out looking like that.  You have back boobs."
Sixth, could they be dressed like this on purpose, showing off their back boobs?  Could it be that their back boobs are bigger than their front boobs?  And why should I even have to say front boobs, why do these two girls have double sets anyway!  The second one, especially, seems to be showcasing her giant back boobs. I have giant front boobs (argh!  I said it again!) and I think her back boobs are bigger than my actual boobs.  (Actual boobs is better than front boobs, although it implies I might have fake boobs also.  Perhaps on my back.  NO!)
I am deeply disturbed by this.  If someone could please explain, I would be grateful.
Clarification:  I am not making fun of people for being fat. I am making fun of them for not knowing how to dress in public.  If part of your body is shaped in an extremely peculiar way, cover it up.  As Jeff Foxworthy says, "the only people who should wear belly shirts are people who don't have a belly".

If you are reading this ANYWHERE but on itsafatlife.blogspot.com or on SparkPeople.com, it's stolen; please let me know. wholelottarosieyoung at yahoo dot com. Thank you.

Thursday, December 03, 2009

my food and exercise data for 6 months

Why is Spark People such a great tool, you ask? Because in less than 30 seconds each, it generated these reports for me, showing my progress since I started there in May.  Screen printing them and then cropping them in Photoshop took longer!
The orange is my metabolism, green is exercise and the line is food intake. The others I think you can figure out.





 I know you can't read the actual numbers, but the downward trends should be obvious.  The only upward trend is my fiber, but I've only been tracking that a short time so I didn't show it here.

If you are reading this ANYWHERE but on itsafatlife.blogspot.com or on SparkPeople.com, it's stolen; please let me know. wholelottarosieyoung at yahoo dot com. Thank you.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Seat belt extender needed?


Do you think he asked for a seat belt extender?


If you are reading this ANYWHERE but on itsafatlife.blogspot.com or on SparkPeople.com, it's stolen; please let me know. wholelottarosieyoung at yahoo dot com. Thank you.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Disfigured movie



One of my constant readers, who is also my friend on Facebook, suggested that I watch a movie called Disfigured. So I added it my Blockbuster queue and yesterday I watched it with a friend.  Why not with my husband? Because he said "I don't want to watch fat people while I"m eating."  Huh? You LIVE with a fat person.  You ARE a fat person.  He is too strange sometimes.

The movie is mainly about Lydia, a short fat woman who belongs to a Fat Acceptance group.  She doesn't really fit in there either, because the woman running the group is against exercise, weight loss and anything that implies a person dislikes her body and wants to change it.  Lydia is ridiculed for wanting to start a Fat Acceptance walking group.  Darcy, a tall, thin anorexic woman tried to join the FA group, and is driven away by the leader. Darcy thinks she is fat.  She befriends Lydia, even though Lydia describes herself as Darcy's "worse nightmare" and Darcy admits she thinks Lydia's body is disgusting.  Their odd friendship progresses through fits and starts, including a funny scene where Darcy lists things people tell her--"drink milkshakes"  "you should eat something"-- and Lydia counters with what people tell her "you have such a pretty face" "don't eat that".  At her walking group, Lydia meets Bob, an overweight guy, leading to a rather bizarrely filmed sex scene (so much billowy flesh--who is who?).  Bob leads Lydia to confront herself in some uncomfortable ways, and that causes Lydia to make a strange request of Darcy, and finally for both women to dispel some of their demons. 
It's worth watching.
Movie website
The best line in the movie comes in the beginning, at one of the meetings.  A woman complains that people say she's let herself go. "I didn't go anywhere, I'm right here!" 
In an aside, the actor who played Bob was the season 1 winner of the Biggest Loser (Ryan Benson).


If you are reading this ANYWHERE but on itsafatlife.blogspot.com or on SparkPeople.com, it's stolen; please let me know. wholelottarosieyoung at yahoo dot com. Thank you.

Thanksgiving as a less fat person

Basically this is my 3d Thanksgiving without a dad.  He died a few days after Thanksgiving 2 years ago, but he was in the nursing home dying on Thanksgiving day that year.  I can't imagine Thanksgiving ever being a happy fun holiday for me again.
I got home a little while ago and did my calories.  I ate excellently, under 500 calories.  For Thanksgiving.  I had turkey, a hint of gravy, corn, potatoes, a piece of a dinner roll, and a very small low-fat brownie for dessert.  I drank diet soda.  Everyone else drank wine (and then coffee) and ate many things on the table I abstained from.  Well, it's not hard for me NOT to eat shrimp, as I hate seafood, but I didn't eat the blueberry muffins, or the fried peppers and broccoli, or the stuffed mushrooms, or the apple pie, or the pecan pie.
But something good did happen.  The bathroom at my parents' house is badly laid out.  The linen closet sticks out and the corner is kittycorner to the edge of the sink, so it's a narrow spot.  I used to have to go sideways and really squeeze through, and I had a problem shutting the door at the same time I was doing this.  I walked through today with space all around me, shutting the door effortlessly behind me.  Confused, I stopped, backed up and tried going through sideways.  Space all around me. I looked at that space and was utterly confounded to think I USED TO FILL THAT.  OVERFILL that.
Wow.  That's what 62 lbs looks like in the real world.  That's right, 62.  In just 3 little pounds, I will be in the 200's.   Whoo-hoo! 
Aside:

I'm posting here again because, after many fits and starts, it appears that the thieving website is gone permanently.  3 or 4 times it was allowed to go back online and each time it had more than 30 articles stolen from me and many from other sites.  They'd take a few down and tell the hosting company the problem was solved and the hosting company didn't bother to check, just allowed it. 


If you are reading this ANYWHERE but on itsafatlife.blogspot.com or on SparkPeople.com, it's stolen; please let me know. wholelottarosieyoung at yahoo dot com. Thank you.

Friday, November 06, 2009

Facebook

I am on Facebook.  Mostly to play stupid games with my friends, and with total strangers.  I will continue to post most of my stuff here and on Twitter.  Trying to find the program that synchs them all together.   Anyone?  I already feed my RSS feed to Twitter; I want to make my Tweets my status on FB.  
Rose Young

Create Your Badge

Thieves have been vanquished

I am happy to say that the thieving site that was stealing my content and other's content has been removed from the internet. Yay.

Friday, October 30, 2009

ongoing THEFT continues....

Please write to abuse@ipower.com  and complain about the outright theft of dozens of posts from here (itsafatlife.blogspot.com) and from www.kbhawkins00.blogspot.com, all of which are being stolen by the ironically named fairweightloss.com which is entirely composed of stolen material.   Fair indeed.


Thieves have been vanquished.  Thanks for your help.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

FAIRWEIGHTLOSS.COM LOSERS LOSERS LOSERS LOSERS

Thieves have been vanquished.  Thanks for your help. 


THE PEOPLE WHO RUN THE FAIRWEIGHTLOSS.COM SITE ARE TOTAL LOSERS WHO STEAL THEIR CONTENT.


MOST OF THIS CONTENT WAS STOLEN FROM ITSAFATLIFE.BLOGSPOT.COM AND REPOSTED WITHOUT ANY PERMISSION FROM THE ORIGINAL AUTHOR, ROSE YOUNG.

PLEASE COMPLAIN TO THE HOSTING COMPANY AT abuse@ipower.com ABOUT THIS CONTINUED OUTRAGEOUS THEFT.

Theft info update

Thieves have been vanquished.  Thanks for your help. 

Here is the correct address to complain to.  Godaddy sold them the domain but does not host the site and doesn't care what's on it.
If you support and read and enjoy my blog, please write to the hosting company at abuse@ipower.com and let them know the fairweightloss site needs to be pulled.


 Previous post

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Gym room is done! no more excuses! (post is restored

Here are the pictures of Rosie's gym room, before and after. A few details aren't done yet, but it's at about 95%! Yay!
This is a stitch of what the room looked like before.  All white, lots of small windows--10 feet across the front, 6 feet across the left and 1 window to the right.



The Microsoft stitch program didn't seem to understand how to stitch together the after pics. So you will have to puzzle them out. My Photoshop skills don't help with this.





It's pouring rain today. There aren't really any lights in the room, because of all the windows. So with the windows open, the windows are good and the rest of the room is dark. With the shades closed and the light on, everything's dark. Sorry about that.  The room only has 3 walls--it used to be a porch--the 4th wall is just two built-in bookcases to either side--and you can see the edge of my desk against the back of the left bookcase.
In my new 10'x6' (60 sf) gym (the whole house is only 900 sf)I've got a Bowflex, a stair machine, resistance bands, a round balance thing, hand weights with handles that function as kettle bells, a yoga ball and yoga mat (not everything is in the room yet).  My computer is close enough that I can move the screen and play workout videos (or music). The cats have a cat bed and their favorite stool (which just happens to match the curtains and paint) so they can hang out with me. And my plants are LOVING the light! .
I already did a short workout on the stair machine, which I haven't used for years.   I should go hop on it for another one.  NO MORE EXCUSES--the equipment is RIGHT NEXT TO ME!

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

STOLEN CONTENT

Thank you, John, for letting me know that FAIRWEIGHTLOSS.COM is blatantly stealing every bit of my content--as well as the content of the blog Thoughts by Kim --and posting it as their own.
PLEASE COMPLAIN TO THE HOSTING COMPANY AT abuse@ipower.com ABOUT THIS CONTINUED OUTRAGEOUS THEFT.
Here is all the contact information of the plagiarizers.  Feel free to send them hate mail and sign them up for spam, I don't care, whatever makes them take down the stolen info.
Registrant:
MGdesigns


10643 Navigation Dr

Rivervie, Florida 33569
United States


Registered through: GoDaddy.com, Inc. (http://www.godaddy.com)
Domain Name: FAIRWEIGHTLOSS.COM
Created on: 01-Oct-09
Expires on: 01-Oct-10
Last Updated on: 01-Oct-09


Administrative Contact:
Gibbs, Marvin mgdesigns2002@yahoo.com
MGdesigns
10643 Navigation Dr
Rivervie, Florida 33569
United States
(813) 850-5546


Technical Contact:
Gibbs, Marvin mgdesigns2002@yahoo.com
MGdesigns
10643 Navigation Dr
Rivervie, Florida 33569
United States
(813) 850-5546






I put a lot of thought and effort into my writing.  I want to preserve my thoughts and motivate others.  It hurts me to think that someone else would just take everything I've done and repost it word-for-word, including graphics, as their own.
Thieves have been vanquished.  Thanks for your help. 

If you do email ipower, please cc or bcc me wholelottarosieyoung at yahoo dot com.
Below is a shrunk-down screenprint showing that EVERY post on that page was taken from my blog or the other lady's.   They even used her personal photos of her and her husband!   Insane.  



plagiarism!

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

The Cult of Can't

I was changing in a cubicle at the pool today when a lady came in who I have never seen before, and I've been going there for years.   She started talking to another lady about how she wanted to come in every day, "But I can't."  My thought was, "what's stopping you?" and in fact the other lady asked something very much like that.  The woman could have said, "I don't have bus fare.  I don't own a car.  My husband is sick and needs me home."  A dozen reasons why a person really might not be able to make it.  Her reason? "I just can't."
My grandmother is a leading member of the Cult of Can't.  It drives me and my mom CRAZY.  She is 92 (Grandma, not Mom) and she "can't" do anything.  "Come have lunch with us." "I can't sit in the car for that long."  "Come out on the deck" "I can't climb the step" or "I can't bear the heat" or "I can't bear the cold."  She has made up her own set of rules, all revolving around what she CAN'T do, and every day her world shrinks a little more because she CAN'T do anything. 
Are there things I can't do?  Certainly.  I can't run a marathon.   I can't stand on my head.  I can't speak a foreign language.  But I don't define myself by what I can't do.   I can run in the pool for over an hour so that's what I do--I don't worry that on land I "can't" run that far or fast.  I "can't" fit into my size 4 Levi's anymore.   Maybe someday I will fit in them again.  Or I will buy new Levi's in a proper size and look awesome in them. 
I used to think a lot more about the evil "can't" and it really sends a person into a downward spiral.   It spreads from the specific to the general and before you know it, you CAN'T get out of bed because you CAN'T walk anymore.  I refused, I still refuse, to allow myself to get to that point.  My grandmother is heading straight down that road and is going to end up in an ugly nursing home rather than living with my mom--because it will get to the point where my mother can't take care of her anymore.    My poor mom did 4 years of caretaking for my dad when he was dying, and he had just gotten moved into the nursing home (where he died 2 months later) when Grandma packed her bags and moved herself in.  That was a rare time when my mom should have used can't--"I can't take you in, Mom" but she didn't.  And now she is a caretaker for another person who can't do anything.  My dad was really sick and he still tried to do things, mowing the lawn & taking out the trash.  My grandmother only has high blood pressure but she's practically made herself bedridden over CAN'T.
A while ago in a seminar I learned about the phrase "have to"  which is a cousin to can't and often rides in the same car.  "I can't go because I have to clean the cat box."
When you speak, and think, don't use "can't".  Don't use "have to".  "I choose not to go because I choose to clean the litter box."  Ah, that opens it right up doesn't it? 
You can argue (I tried to) that the cat box needs to be cleaned.  Or you need to get to work to keep your job to keep getting paid.  But it's a choice.  You can clean the cat box later, or get a Littermaid box.  You can call in sick to work if you really want to, or get a different job.   And if you can't do something, 99% of the time you are choosing not to.
Obviously, before I'm flamed, I don't expect someone in a wheelchair to say "I choose not to walk"  or a deaf person to believe she chooses not to hear.   I am talking about ordinary, everyday things.
Watch your language, your use of "can't"  and also "have to"  and see how many of those absolutes really are choices.
I can get up earlier.
I can go to the gym longer.
I can eat less food.
I can be happy.
Can you?  

(crossposted to my Sparkpeople blog)

Thursday, October 15, 2009

I don't want to be skinny-fat


A lot of people don't understand why I work out so hard and so much. After all, at the end of the day, it doesn't show. I'm a 305 lb behemoth. Some people sneer at me for even trying.
Look at the fatty on her Bowflex, what is she trying to prove?
In what appears to be a total subject change, I am going to tell you about a friend I had in college. Everyone called her Squishy. She was tall, maybe 5'8", and model-thin (about a size 4). She bragged that she had never worked out in her life, never taken a walk or done anything remotely athletic that wasn't sex. She was PROUD of being that size/weight even though she ate junk food constantly and smoked like a chimney. The reason we all called her Squishy was that she had zero muscle tone. Every part of her body was flabby, especially her butt. For some reason she thought it was great that she had no muscles. (She was also tired all the time; I wonder why?) She looked great in clothes, but out of clothes--yuck.
I lost touch with her long ago, but I can only imagine that at some point her lack of exercise and terrible eating caught up with her.
My point is, I don't want to be Squishy. Squishy was what is now called "skinny fat" (look it up). A skinny-fat person wears a small size and in her clothes looks great. But she has a high body fat percentage for her size and is usually unhealthy.
My tactic is this: if I work out like a fiend now, I'm building all kinds of muscles and strength. Yeah, it's hidden under 150 lbs of fat, but it's there. Every few days another pound of fat melts away, and long before I've reached my goal weight, you will be able to see the results. Now, well, you can tell by how I walk and carry myself that I'm not 100% adipose tissue, but most people aren't inclined to analyze the walk of a fat person.
So this is a long, long term goal. I figure I'll hit my goal weight late spring of 2011. But by a year from now (fall 2010) when I'm getting close, it will be visible and noticeable.
Some days, yeah, I wonder why I should bother. Why get out of the bed. Why not lay here and eat fried chicken and drink gallons of non-diet soda. I'm fat and no one sees the hard word reflected in my body.
But I do. I feel it when I move, when I scratch an itch and under the flab is a long, sleek muscle just waiting to be revealed!
(About 15 years ago I took aerobic classes at a local studio. They had a rule that you could not use the weight lifting machines, or even use hand weights during your aerobics, until you were within 10 lbs of your goal weight! You had to weigh in to get access to the hand weights! The place is out of business now, but surely they were building a bunch of skinny-fat women. The no-weights policy was why I left because I knew it was stupid and wrong.)(crossposted to my Sparkpeople blog)
(graphic source)

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Cankles


I need new sneakers.  I somehow found a brand-new pair in the back of closet, plain white canvas hightops I bought many years ago and then never wore for whatever reason.  I decided to paint them and make them fun.  But first I tried them on.
How embarrassing.  I can't tie them.  They don't even begin to close around my ankles--not even my "good" ankle (as opposed to my edema leg).  My whole bare foot shows on either side of the tongue.  They look awful.  Even if I could wear socks (I can't because of the lymph edema) it would look stupid.
I know I can't expect to have slim beautiful legs when I weigh 305 lbs.  But I'd like to be able to wear a pair of sneakers.  Is that too much to ask?
I had a pair of those same sneakers in high school.  I used to tie the extra laces around my ankles.  Now I haven't even got enough laces to go up to the top, much less to close the sneakers!

(crossposted to my Sparkpeople blog)
(photo source)

Friday, October 09, 2009

Weight loss surgery



I want a lap band.
I am not going to get one.
I don't want a lap band because I'm lazy.  Or because I think weight loss surgery (WLS) is the easy option.  I don't think weight loss in general is easy (although people seem to think I'm doing awesome at it).
It is taking a lot of my mental/will power to keep my portions very small.   To go out to eat and order a plate of food and know that I could easily consume the whole thing without feeling bloated or sick (just guilty).  I have to ask for a box and separate my food as soon as it comes, according to the fat and calories. (I check all my food beforehand at SparkPeople so I know what the total fat/calories/etc of the whole plate is and then subdivide it as necessary.)  If I go to my mom's house I have to take tiny spoonfuls of everything and watch my husband and grandmother refill their plates over and over with yummy foods I love that are perfectly prepared.
Having a gastric band (even a Realize brand band rather than a Lap-Band) would eliminate the possibility of overeating.  Oh, I know there are tricks--eat really slowly, drink lots of fluid with food, stretch out the pouch--to overeating with any band--but I'd like the option removed entirely.
I'd like to be able to take the energy I devote to portion control and not overeating and put it toward something else.  Writing.  Art.  Exercise.   Anything but obsessing over how much food is on my plate.  Everyone who gets WLS stresses it's a TOOL not a total solution.  That's what I need, a tool to help me control overeating.  Seems like I'm balanced and understanding and a good candidate, right?   I work out, I've drastically changed my eating habits and I have lost weight on my own...
But my dietitian said today that Yale won't band anyone who weighs more than 220.  She said when I get to 220 to try again.  Why bother?   My friend that got the lap band first in my state probably weighed around 400 lbs (I didn't know her then).  And now she wouldn't be eligible!?
Doctors push gastric bypass because they make more money.  I don't want a bypass.  I have a family history of cancer and dementia.   30 years down the line, I might need to be able to take in full nutrients.  A band can be opened all the way or removed.   A bypass can't be undone.   It's not because 6 months after having WLS I want to be able to back out.   I'm thinking long term.  (Plus having my stomach thrown away like garbage is gross and offends me as does rerouting my intestines.)
But apparently long term is going to mean going all the way with just my willpower and some help from internet friends.

(image source)

Thursday, October 08, 2009

59 pounds gone...what a difference

So after a long and frustrating plateau my body did indeed catch up.  This morning I was 305.  305!   Some of you might think that's a huge number, but to me it's astonishing.  A few more pounds and I'll be back in the 200's.  
And I have dropped a category of BMI, from super obese (59.7) to severe obese (50).  Again, I'm still a fat ass, but it's better than where I started--2 lbs shy of super-super obese!
My blood pressure was holding steady for years at 130/80 and today it was 110/70.  My pulse has gone from around 94 to around 77.
I can run in the pool for over an hour and go shopping afterward without feeling out of breath and like I'm going to die.  Today I parked the car at one store and walked to two other stores without even THINKING about moving the car.  I had to cross a wide grass median strip between adjacent strip malls--they weren't in the same parking lot. Inside the stores, I walked all around without thinking about being tired.  Or actually being tired.  When I got home, I worked in my new gym, putting up spackle, for an hour.  I stopped because it was time for supper and I had to let that layer dry, not because I was tired.  I even climbed on a stool to do up by the ceiling!  Me, on a stool!
The dietitian I saw today said that I can't have a lap band until I weigh 220.  When I get down to 220 I'll have lost 146 lbs with only 70 to go.  Why bother at that point?  It's a tool I could use NOW, to get to 220 (and to 150).   Don't give me new sneakers at the finish line.  Sheesh.
cross-posted to my SparkPeople blog.  

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Home gym in progress, & trying to let go



I am trying to be positive. Right now, it's difficult. At 7:30 last Sunday I was holding my bird and watching him die and knowing it was the end of an era in my life. And I am benefiting from his death, from the deaths of all my critters over the last few years, because I have an extra room in my house now. The glassed in heated porch where many of them lived, and where all various toys and extra cages and paraphernalia and food was stored, is now empty. It has some insect damage to it and in 2 weeks it's getting repaired. It has 20 feet of windows that I can't afford to purchase curtains for (at the discount houses, they don't have enough of any one style to cover that many windows). I found a bunch of really nice striped tablecloths that I am going to cut up and make curtains from (more than enough material for only $35!). I'm going to paint the room to match the curtains, but lighter. Moving my Bowflex in there, putting my yoga ball and hand weights, and I'm getting a free treadmill from someone at the pool.
Yeah, Rosie's going to have a room in her house that's a gym. Don't get too impressed--it's tiny. The Bowflex and treadmill will have to be folded up so I can use the other things. But I will have NO excuses. Not that it's rainy or cold and I don't feel like going into the garage, or that it's winter and the Bowflex doesn't work in the cold (it doesn't).
So part of me is excited, picking out table cloths to make into curtains and thinking about paint colors and how I am going to arrange everything in this tiny space (it's maybe 5' by 10'). Then the other part of me remembers all the critters that used to live in that space and how much I loved them and how much I miss them. And how much I hate seeing all the empty toys and cages and supplies being washed out in the rain, and the bags of food and bedding rotting in the trash.
I need to move on. Being attached to the past hurts. It pulls on me like a rope around my waist, yanking me backward. But I don't know how to untie it.
(cross posted to my SparkPeople blog)

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Sports Bra Saga and a sad ending


A couple of weeks ago I ordered a sports bra to contain and constrain my elephant boobs.  I had no idea what size to order.   I guessed wrong.  When it came, the bra was so big I could have worn it around my waist.  I sent it back and requested one two band sizes smaller--I want to say it's a 40 or 42--the bra doesn't have a size tag, believe it or not.  It came Friday afternoon and I didn't use my Bowflex Saturday so today was the first day I could try it out.
I pulled it out of the package--it certainly looked small.   I wrestled it over my head and hoisted up my twin elephant trunks and stuffed them in.  Oh my god.  My left boob overflowed its half of the bra, squishing the right boob off into my right armpit (the part of it that wasn't overflowing in the middle).  No lie, it looked like I had a pair of baby pigs stuffed in the sports bra. 
The bra pictured is similar to the one I purchased.  Notice the racing back.  Very comfy and handy during a workout--there is no weight across your shoulders and they have full range of movement during exercises.  Except of course when you have boobs that are the size of 6 month old kittens.  Each boob equaling a kitten.   Then that racing strap digs at the back of your neck, because instead of the weight of your boobs being on your shoulders, now the nape of your neck is holding them up.
But wait, you cry.  Rosie, don't you know that if a bra is properly fitted, you can drop the straps and have the same support!?  The support should come from the band and the cups, not the straps!
In response, I pat you on the head and congratulate you on having small, firm boobs.  No doubt your shoulders are not deeply grooved from bra straps.  I'm happy for you, really.
The end result was that I did my lower body workout.  My boobs were NOT hanging down to my knees and swaying like some part of an elephant.  That was good.  However, the back of my neck--ouchy.  The unevenness of having my left boob on the right and my right boob turned into ooze poking out everywhere--not comfy.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Okay, this was going to be a funny post.  But my husband called upstairs and said my elderly parrot just fell off his perch.  I ran downstairs and got him from his cage and held him while he died. 
I don't feel very funny right now and I don't remember where the post was going.  I'm sorry. 
(picture source)

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

watching the Biggest Loser sets us up to fail

I've lost 54 pounds since January, with no trainer, no cook, no one standing over my shoulder, no one helping me.  I was really proud of what I had accomplished.  I worked hard.  I gave up foods I love, I spend hours in the pool and smell like bleach all the time because of it.   The most weight I lost in a week was 4 lbs.

And then I watch the opener of season 8 of The Biggest Loser tonight.   No one lost 4 lbs.   One person lost something ridiculous--22 or 24 lbs.  In a week.  I can't do that.  The person who got SENT HOME lost 13 lbs! 

I'm in a Biggest Loser competition on Spark People and in the 11 weeks my goal is to lose 25 lbs.  In 3 months.  Not in a week.   I look at someone else's 22 lb loss in a week and I don't feel encouraged.  I want to throw in the towel and say fuck it, why should I bother limping along at a pound or two a week?  Last week I did over 400 minutes of exercise on around 1150 calories a day and only lost 3 lbs.

My nutritionist told me my 25 lb goal isn't even realistic!   She thinks it's TOO HIGH.  For 11 weeks!  

Yeah, I lost 3 lbs last week.   When I saw that I was happy because usually I only lose 1 or 2.  Then I watched TBL.  3 lbs would get me laughed off TBL.

Monday, September 14, 2009

can my adipose tissue cure cancer and alzheimers!?

Okay, here's a checkmark in the pro column of being fat:  stem cells have been found in fat tissue.
Stem cells, you know, those things they used to get from ground-up babies aborted by filthy liberals?   (I don't really believe that!)  They aren't just for breakfast anymore!  I mean, they aren't just found in dead babies anymore.  Obviously the EMBRYONIC type cells have to come from babies (hence the name) but multi-purpose cells can now be harvested from liposuctioned fat.
Scientists at Stanford University School of Medicine have discovered that the millions of fat cells removed during liposuction can be easily and quickly turned into induced pluripotent stem cells, or iPS cells, more easily than...skin cells.
Unless you've been living in a cave, you know that stem cells might hold the key to horrid diseases like cancer and Alzheimer's, even help people to regrow limbs and organs.  A stem cell can transform into any type of cell.
Embryonic stem cells are controversial because the embryos are destroyed when the stem cells are removed for research. The iPS cells, which have many of the same basic properties, do not raise the same ethical questions as embryonic stem cells because they come from skin or now fat cells that have been reprogrammed to go back in time, so to speak, and have the ability to turn into any other kind of cell in the body.
I think liposuction is gross (when I watch it on TV I want to faint. It's so VIOLENT.), but they can take all my fat if it will save someone from dying of Alzheimer's or cancer.
stem cells can be made from fat cells!
(image source)(screenprint of original)

Saturday, September 12, 2009

fat pics vs fatter pics

Many pounds ago I asked a friend to take a picture of me in shorts and a sports bra to document what I looked like as a super morbidly obese person.  I made a little animated gif out of it rotating between front, back and profiles, with my stats.  Turns out I can't put an animated gif on Blogger/Picasa or on Flickr and I don't feel like opening an account at yet another photo place just for 1 gif. 

Having lost 50 lbs, I was photographed again by someone else.  This friend, well, she isn't the photographer my other friend is.  I'm not straight on in any of the pics so it's hard to compare them to the original ones.  But I can tell you that I think I look FATTER now.  Especially on my back.  I have rolls of hanging skin.  It is nasty.  And after only 50 lbs.  My elbows appear to have moved--again, hanging skin.   When I reach my goal I am going to look like a Sharpei.
So it is discouraging to have lost so much weight and have nothing to show for it.  My pants are literally falling off me when I walk (I pinned or sewed up most of the waists now, took them in 4-6 inches in most cases)...BUT my waist measurement has only gone down 2.5 inches.  That's not going to show in a photo!  My arms have gone down only 1/2 an inch.  (My doctor said they probably won't shrink and I will need brachioplasty.)
 
My arms are way worse than that picture.  They are 20.5 inches around (were 21). 
 
The biggest change was my chin.  I'll show you that, in fact.  Here ya go: 

 
The reason my bra seems to be higher up is that it wasn't a full profile, my body was turned slightly toward the camera.  And I think it's a different bra.   The absolute downslope of my breasts (which have NO lift or perkiness whatsoever) has already been covered in my earlier Elephant Trunk Boobs post.
The first set of pictures I thought I did when I was around 360 but they actually at 248.  So at 198 I'll be 50 lbs less and I'll have my better photographer friend take another set then.   14 lbs from now! 

(dog image source: Flickr; surgery source)

Tuesday, September 08, 2009

too fat to fly Southwest Airlines

I have never heard anything good about how Southwest Airlines treat overweight people.  And when (not if) I am down to a normal BMI, I will never fly Southwest.
According to this articleEmery Orto, 6 feet tall and 350 lbs (BMI 47.5), was denied entry onto a SW plane in Las Vegas, even though they allowed him to fly there a few days earlier.  He and his wife were not even allowed to retrieve their luggage.   An airlines rep decided that he could not seat in an airline seat with both armrests down (he claims he can, and also that he does not need a seatbelt extension) and denied him entry to the flight (as he was heading down the gangway!).  He was not allowed to demonstrate that he fit in the seat.
As far as I can understand, SW didn't refund the money the Ortos paid for their tickets, and they had to purchase new tickets on United, who had no problems with Orto's size and did not require him to purchase an extra seat. 
too fat to fly, says Southwest Airlines
(picture source=article source; screenprint of original)

Friday, September 04, 2009

doctor & medicine update

This week I had my followup appointment at the Yale PCOS clinic.   Long-time readers might remember that in January I got diagnosed with PCOS by my (former) ob-gyn and then got the run-around trying to find someone willing to treat me.  An ad in the paper led me to the brand-new Yale PCOS clinic (in New Haven near Ikea and Long Wharf Theater), where they told me I probably don't have PCOS.
Did you follow all that? 
I lost a bunch of weight since that first July visit to Yale, and I was mostly good following what their nutritionist told me to do (it's difficult to keep my fat as low as she wants--I'd be allowed MORE fat if I was on Alli/Orlistat!) and my exercise routine is up to about 6 hours a week.  So, I am a good girl.  I get a pat on the head.
This appointment was to go over the results of the now infamous 26 vials of blood tested in late July.  My regular doctor had already gone over them with me and said I was basically fine.  Which is not what one wants to particularly hear when #1--26 vials of blood!!!  and #2 one is looking for co-morbidities to help with getting insurance approval for WLS.  I'm not sure the vague diagnosis of Metabolic Syndrome even counts as a co-morbidity.
The Yale doc also thought I was basically fine and doing great with diet and exercise.  But my blood sugar is a bit wonky and it will probably even out with continuing lifestyle changes (ie, diet and exercise).  But she said I did barely qualify to be on metformin/glucophage and it was my choice if I wanted to try it.  My (now former) ob-gyn had said that I should be on it, but wouldn't prescribe it.  My regular doc left it up to Yale.  My (new) ob-gyn gave me a blood test to see if I qualified and then never followed up or returned my calls about it.   The Yale doc said that it wouldn't make me gain weight and that it is an appetite suppressant and would help me LOSE weight.  So you know my hand was out waiting for the prescription.  Being on metformin for insulin resistance, no matter how mild, counts as a co-morbidity.  And how much does it suck that I have to search for diseases to get the insurance to pay for WLS?
I was all psyched that I got it for free--no copay!  I'm supposed to take 1 a day for a week, 2 a day for a week, 3 a day for a week and then go to the final dosage of 4 a day.   However, the pharmacy only gave me enough for 3 weeks (7+14+21=42, which is how many they dispensed) and it says no refills.  So I have a call into Yale, which won't get returned until Tuesday due to the holiday.   Not that I am going to run out.
The schedule was predicated on it being "well tolerated".   I have a raging headache and everything I eat falls out my butt in liquid form.  Somehow I don't think that's toleration.  (Is that even a word?  Sounds weird, but spell checker doesn't flag it.)  Today is day 2 of the first 7.
I know if I sit and read the list of side effects I'll think I have them.  They said it might cause "stomach upset" which I took to mean I might have to eat some Tums, and "gas", which I took to mean farting.  What I am doing is not farting.  My bottom is burbling like lava, and that's my 5 minute warning to get to the toilet.  It's not like being SICK though.  There's none of the urgency, and no vomiting, thank the gods.
I am now going to look at the pages of fine print so kindly dispensed to me by Stop and Shop's fine pharmacy folks, who are so much better than Walmart's that I guess I can't be upset that Stop and Shop's people lost my insurance card and under-filled my prescription.
The warning begins with the fact that I could get something called Lactic Acidosis and that it could kill me.  It then lists vague symptoms, some of which I have, such as drowsiness/tiredness or a general feeling of being unwell.  Except that I was feeling that way on Tuesday and I started the medicine on Thursday.  If I exercise heavily I could go into hypoglycemia (low blood sugar).
Reading this fine print makes me want to toss the pills out the window.  I think any weight loss will come from losing all my food through the rear exit as soon as I eat.  Decrease in appetite?  Well, yeah, since after 2 days I'm trained to know what happens when I eat!

Thursday, September 03, 2009

OK, I need some help...


I have reached that magical point in my weight loss where my tastes have totally changed. I never believed it was real. I always thought people were lying or trying to make themselves look better when they said that their old favorite foods just don't taste good anymore.
The only thing that still tastes good to me is pizza. Twice this week I had some "favorite" Mexican food, of the more fried variety, and neither time enjoyed it--packed most of it up for hubby to eat later. Today I had my "favorite" burger at Chili's and it was no stretch at all not to finish it, or to finish the fries. The lovely buttered bun that once made me drool seemed wet and greasy and I left most of it on the plate. The meat seemed flavorless and again, greasy. The fries were bland and gross. I'd think I just got a badly cooked plate of food, but when I went to On the Border unexpectedly yesterday, my flautas weren't good (I ate 1 of the 4) and I nibbled on a single tortilla chip which just tasted like crunchy salt. The appetizer platter I got earlier in the week at a local Mexican place was also uninteresting to me. More than half of that got boxed up also, and the little I ate, I didn't enjoy. Diet Pepsi is starting to taste bad and I'm drinking more and more water. My last two attempts to eat a 3 Musketeers bar as a treat on a very low-cal day ended with me abandoning the chocolate halfway through.
So you are thinking, what is this girl's problem?
This girl's problem is that she has a very weird eating disorder. This girl cannot eat new foods.
So when I stop eating, for instance, flautas and burgers and fries and nachos, I can't ADD anything to replace them. I have to take what I already eat and expand that to fill the hole. Except that every day, something else tastes bad to me. I'm going to end up living on fruit, fat/sugar free Jello pudding and Jello, Special K protein bars, and vitamins.
I've been in therapy already for this, had acupuncture with moxibustion, gone to an addictions specialist and had my eating habits treated like a a drug addiction, and gone to two different conventional "let's sit and talk about this" therapists. So it's not like I haven't tried to resolve this. One of my best friends has a psychology degree and has been trying to get me to eat new things, but it's VERY slow going because it is so very scary for me. Some days I think I'd rather hold a tarantula (I'm terrified of spiders) than consider eating a strange food.
The technical name for my eating disorder is food neophobia. It makes me very OCD about food and eating. Anyone have any ideas!?
(Cross posted to my SparkPeople blog)
(photo source)

Wednesday, September 02, 2009

Rosie by the numbers or, BMI is depressing

I was sure that at some point in my wanderings through the internet I'd seen an expanded BMI list--many just say over 30 is bad and stop there.   I found one, and I wanted to explore the weight ranges for me (5'5" ish) for each category.
The chart is not exactly the same as I've seen in other places--it starts with healthy at 20 when most are 18.5--but it's close enough, right?

  • 60+ - super-super obesity 366 lbs+. I never quite made it here. Two more pounds. That is scary as shit, let me tell you.
  • 50-60 - super-obesity 305-365 lbs. I'm here now (315 lbs)
  • 40-50 - severe obesity 244-304 lbs. I will still be in this range after I've lost 100 lbs from my starting weight. Then again, I will arrive IN this range in a few weeks, a big drop from the edge of super-super obesity.
  • 35-40 - morbid obesity 214-243 lbs. A HUNDRED pounds from NOW, I'll still be morbidly obese and eligible for bariatric surgery.
  • 30-35 - obese 183-213 lbs. 182 is half my starting weight.
  • 25-30 - overweight 150-182 lbs. My goal is 150.
  • 20-25 - ideal 122-149 lbs. Perhaps after plastic surgery to remove extra skin I can slide into this category.
  • 18.5 (what other places have as low range of normal) 113 lbs. The lowest I weighed as an adult was 114 in college.
It is sobering to look at how huge the upper ranges of BMI are.  Ideal weight for me is only a 27 lb range, but super obesity is 60 lbs.
(cross posted to my SparkPeople blog)

Monday, August 31, 2009

don't drink yourself fat

don't drink yourself fat--coke

NYC's Department of Health and Mental Hygiene has unveiled a series of 3 new ads promoting healthy eating and believe it or not, I don't hate them.
There are three almost identical ads, showing a bottle of Snapple, Coke and Gatorade being poured into a glass that's full of nasty fat instead of drink. They are cleverly done. Not that they will work. Or maybe they will. I remember finding out in high school from a girl who was Miss Connecticut how many calories were in regular soda and I switched to diet and haven't looked back. 10 calories a sip ads up.
You can compare this ad to the PETA one I mentioned last week, which advocated going vegetarian to lose weight. The PETA ad was insulting and rude and from what I understand, has been taken down. (Then again, everything PETA does is more to cause controversy than anything else.) Let's see what others have to say about NYC.
Is the image of a glass of fat gross? Yes. But it gets the message across. Putting a picture of an overweight woman in a bikini next to the words "blubber" and "whale" may also get the message across, but in a not-nice way.
However, I have to wonder how long before Snapple, Gatorade and Coke force NYC to take the ads down? Although you can't see the labels/brand names, it's obvious what they bottles are, and if you look at the image names on my Flickr pages, they were labeled Snapple, Coke and Gatorade by NYC.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

the truth about boobs

I have always had big boobs.  I started growing boobs in 3d grade.  It was embarrassing and I was constantly teased and humiliated by other kids for having boobs before anyone else.  I hated wearing a bra (still do) but hated having them flop around even more (ditto).
Last night I had dinner with a friend and the first time she saw my whole body was when we were walking out to our cars, since I had gotten there first and was reading when she arrived.  She said that my boobs looked smaller.
My husband, who is a typical clueless man most of the time, had also noticed this, but he realized why.  They aren't really that much smaller.  But they were hoisted up and out by the sticking-out part of my upper belly, which isn't really sticking out that much anymore.  So they are kinda just hanging there, looking smaller, when in truth they have always resembled a half-deflated balloon.
The bras I am wearing are from when I went away last January (2008!) so they are old and stretched out, even if I hadn't lost almost 50 lbs.  (!!  I know  !!)  I know I need a smaller size and they aren't doing the job anymore.
The worse is when I work out on my Bowflex.  There is one leg exercise where I have to bend over slightly and hold onto the lat tower.  My boobs hang straight down, and as I move my leg, they sway.  It looks, swear to god, like I have a pair of elephant trunks in my tank top. WITH a bra on. 
I have a sports bra coming and I can't wait.  I want these suckers squished flat and pushed up to my chin when I work out.  I cannot have elephant trunk boobs.  It's uncomfortable, ugly and distracting.
(elephant image source)

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

obesity=brain damage?!

Sigh.  A new study (PMID 19662657) shows that obese people have brain damage.  Now, maybe if the brain damage caused the obesity, it would be another "it's not my fault I'm fat, I have drain bamage" kind of thing.  But it's "It's not my fault I have brain damage, I'm fat" doesn't flow as well.
(O)bese people have 8 percent less brain tissue than normal-weight individuals. Their brains look 16 years older than the brains of lean individuals....Those classified as overweight have 4 percent less brain tissue and their brains appear to have aged prematurely by 8 years.
These studies were done on people in their 70's. I do not know how long they had been overweight or if they had been diagnosed with any sort of dementia.
(I have an interest in this, because a relative of mine died of dementia. An ugly way to die, and not a way I'd wish on anyone.)
Article also doesn't say if you lose weight, does your brain get better? Is damage permanent?
Too many ifs for me.  I'm simply not going to believe in it.

Obesity causes brain damage
(screenprint of original; image source)

Sunday, August 23, 2009

PETA : "save the whales. Lose the blubber: Go vegetarian."

PETA has a new ad campaign mocking overweight people.  As you can see, tt shows a fat woman in a bathing suit with the tagline "Save the Whales, Lose the Blubber.  Go Vegetarian."  The billboard is in Jacksonville, Florida.
I'm so glad that no vegetarians are ever overweight.  If only I had known that years ago.  I could give up eating grilled chicken in favor of deep-fried Twinkies.
(sarcasm mode: off)
Anyway, fark PETA.
PETA hates fat people
(Screenprint)

Saturday, August 22, 2009

KFC bacon and cheese sandwich with fried chicken buns

Apparently this is a real KFC product, called a Double Down--a bacon and cheese sandwich with fried chicken buns.  I wouldn't eat it, but it's the kind of thing that makes me crazy.  How many calories must be in this so-called sandwich? How many fat grams--two pieces of fried chicken with bacon and cheese and gloppy sauce!?
I must say, I'd eat the fried chicken.  Or the bacon.   Maybe the bacon with cheese (if it's cheddar).  The sauce, no way, it's probably mayo or ranch-based (and ranch is itself mayo-based).   But not the whole kaboodle, no sir.
Lots of pictures proving it's real here; the screencap above comes from the commercial, which is on Youtube--Youtube embeds blow my margins, so I'm not putting it here.
I guess I am not very good at being a fat person because I have ZERO desire to run to KFC and try one, even without the sauce.
KFC double down bacon sand w fried chicken buns
Screenprint of article.