Tuesday, August 28, 2007

amazing new fitness diet fork

I have a hard time believing this product is real. It's a fork ($8.95 for a 10 pack. TEN! I only have two hands!) that makes you eat less.
What amazing technology does it use? Supposedly the handle is hard to hold and the tines are small and funny shaped.
The website claims:
The Diet Fork helps users eliminate over-indulgence while simultaneously creating a "chewing fitness." The characteristics of the Diet Fork allow dieters to "scoop less" food during meals.
Because of the design of the Diet Fork, dieters will eat slower, assisting in weight loss.
In this health-conscious society where people are constantly searching for a way to a healthier lifestyle -- the Diet Fork is going to change they way we eat.

CHEWING FITNESS? WTF does that MEAN?! And why is "scoop less" in quotes? That implies it is a made up (nonsense) phrase.
But, Rosie, you ask, how can a fork be designed to help you lose weight? I'm glad you asked, dear reader. The website explains earnestly:

Shorter and dulled teeth inhibiting user from grasping larger pieces of food at any one time
Smaller triangular shaped surface area allowing dieter to hold less food than many other forks
Uncomfortable grip compelling user to put fork down between bites, slowing the user's eating speed

Why can't I just eat with a baby fork. Or better yet, a spork. I can get a spork from KFC and save it and use it for my exclusive eating utensil. Short tines, small surface, and best of all, FREE.
And don't forget, the diet fork "makes dieting fun"! And also, "dieters can now assist in metabolism by chewing more"--who knew that CHEWING raised metabolism?

I've put my recommendation down--buy these handle-less bamboo sporks and see how much you can eat.

Oh, and one other thing.

How does the diet fork stop you from eating a double bacon cheeseburger el gigante value meal washed down with a liter of non-diet Coke? Or a dozen hot wings and a pitcher of beer? Or a large meat-lovers pan pizza? Or ingesting an entire bag of mini Reese's peanut butter cups with a side of chocolate frosting?

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

virus turns stem cells to fat cells

Everyone (thin) laughs at the idea of a fat virus--not a virus that is overweight, but one that causes obesity, the way a cold virus gives you a cold. You eat too much, that's your problem. Don't blame it on a virus that doesn't exist.
Ah, but it does: New research announced Monday found that when human stem cells -- the blank slate of the cell world -- were exposed to a common virus they turned into fat cells. They didn't just change, they stored fat, too....For several years, researchers have looked at a possible link between obesity and this common virus, called adenovirus-36, from a family of viruses that cause colds and pinkeye in people.
I've had pinkeye. I had it for the first time when I was thin...and I got fat again a few months later. Did my pinkeye make me fat?!
They had already found that a higher percentage of fat people had been infected with the virus than nonfat people. They had exposed animals to the virus and got them to fatten up and even found a a gene in the virus that causes animals to get obese.
If a viral cause of obesity can be confirmed, a vaccine could be developed, maybe within five to 10 years, to prevent the virus from making some people fat...However, it wouldn't help people already obese.
Oh. Well, that sucks. And I don't see the vaccine being high-priority to develop if it doesn't cause weight loss, only prevents weight gain...and only virus-related weight gain at that. A vaccine to a virus no one believes in, yeah, that's going to take off like a lead balloon.

Friday, August 10, 2007

a "fat hormone"

No, it's not the hormone that's fat. It influences hunger and psychological/physiological responses to foods.
According to this article:
The hormone that tells us we are full also regulates our desire for certain foods, researchers said on Thursday, in a finding that sheds light on why people gain weight and could lead to new treatments for obesity.
Sounds promising.
In the study, published in the journal Science, researchers searched for "circuits" in the brain that signal when a person is hungry or full and found that they were linked to areas involved in determining the enjoyment of food.
Somehow that is not surprising. It's pretty logical actually. A person who enjoys all types of food is more likely to eat and therefore not starve to death. Of course in the modern U.S., starving to death because you don't like the tastes of many foods isn't a problem, but 15,000 years ago, if you didn't like the taste of charbroiled Mammoth, it might have been.
I say "all types of food" because those who were studied have a rare genetic disorder.
The patients with the genetic disorder (who lack the hormone called leptin)-- of which there are about a dozen known cases in the world -- liked all types of food, ate excessively and were obese.
After the patients received leptin injections, the areas that had previously shown activity all the time at the sight of food were only active if the people had not eaten the night before, which was a normal response.
You might be saying, well, Rosie, I am NOT one of those 12 people who lack leptin. How does this help me? The researchers have an answer for you:
Knowing how leptin, which is produced by fat cells, triggers different parts of the brain could lead to new drugs that target obesity and help dangerously overweight people take pounds off.
"Dangerously overweight" that's me. I'm so fat when I walk down the street, people stare at me and get in car accidents. (Well, not that I know of, but people do stare, and children point and make unkind remarks.)
You know what this will trigger, right? More commercials for that damn Leptoprin and Leptopril crap (same thing, different marketing campaigns and pricing).

Sunday, August 05, 2007

obese woman trapped in beach chair

This poor woman. Bad enough to not be able to get out of the chair, but with the tide rising and the crowd gathering, she must have felt mortified.
This holidaymaker found herself stranded in her deckchair as the tide came in and started lapping at her feet. The woman, estimated by some onlookers to weigh as much as 20 stone, had been unable to get out of the chair after its legs became firmly wedged in the shingle.
Why didn't any of the other beach goers help her? My god, the tide's rising, the woman's trapped and going to drown--don't just stand there and take pictures with your cell phone.
To me, she looks much fatter than 280 lbs. Usually in these stories they guess too high.