Thursday, July 26, 2007

anti supplement rant

I just wrote this for a reason unrelated to this blog, but since it's back in business, I thought I'd cross-post it here:

If the product was real and worked, it would have FDA approval. By making it a supplement rather than a drug, they can say anything they want (ie, LIE) and put a disclaimer that says the product isn't intended to treat any disease or condition.
So they can say: this product treats hoof-and-mouth disease, acne, hysterical blindness, ectopic pregnancy, Ebola, gangrene of the toenail, baldness and obesity*
and go on to extol the wonders of their product, and its proprietary blend of 7 delicious herbs and spices, and how no other product every formulated in the entire history of the world has ever treated hoof-and-mouth disease, acne, hysterical blindness, ectopic pregnancy, Ebola, gangrene of the toenail, baldness and obesity* all at once with one convenient daily application directly to the affected area. This is followed by pages of before and after pictures and testimonials on how great this product is and how it treated their hoof-and-mouth disease, acne, hysterical blindness, ectopic pregnancy, Ebola, gangrene of the toenail, baldness and obesity* better than any product in the entire world so you have to buy this RIGHT NOW. If you ACT NOW we'll double your order--that's two TWO bottles, a full 60 day supply, for only 468 payments of $29.99 each!
Oh, and somewhere deep in there, in very tiny print, it also says:
*This statement has not been evaluated by the FDA. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.

great. fat friends make you fat. The rise of supersized fat camps.

So, just by existing and having friends, I am making the world a fatter place, according to this story.
If your friends and family get fat, chances are you will too, researchers report in a startling new study that suggests obesity is "socially contagious" and can spread easily from person to person....

The study found a person's chances of becoming obese went up 57 percent if a friend did, 40 percent if a sibling did and 37 percent if a spouse did. In the closest friendships, the risk almost tripled.

Tripled? From 57% to 171%? Huh? Obviously it impacts your math skills too.

Researchers think it's more than just people with similar eating and exercise habits hanging out together. Instead, it may be that having relatives and friends who become obese changes one's idea of what is an acceptable weight.

Hmm. That part could be good or bad. It's annoying to be negatively judged constantly by what I weigh. The real question is, if I hang out with someone who looks like a skeleton, will I lose weight?

Or, in other words, don't be friends with fat people. The story realizes people will think this, and quickly says:

Despite their findings, the researchers said people should not sever their relationships.

"There is a ton of research that suggest that having more friends makes you healthier," Fowler said. "So the last thing that you want to do is get rid of any of your friends."....

The findings could open a new avenue for treating this worldwide epidemic. The researchers said it might be helpful to treat obese people in groups instead of just the individual.

But what if my fat friend doesn't want to join a group with me? Would my dieting help her or would her lack of dieting hinder me?

So if I join Overeater's Anonymous, and I have to make restitution for my wrongs, I'll have to write a letter:

Dear Friends:
I am most heartily sorry for the way I have wronged you. Because I am a big fatass, and you are my friend, now you are a big fatass. It's contagious to be fat. Who knew? No one ever said I had to be quarantined. I didn't know to hand out Sars-type masks to those around me. ...

I can see it now.... The final solution, super sized. Fat camps across the land, not for weight loss but for quarantine and isolation. Scales in public places. Immense bariatric trucks assembled to round up all those whose weight is not below the cut-off. Chubby babies torn screaming from thin mothers. Toddlers left behind as their plump mamas are loaded into reinforced railroad cars. Skinny spouses sobbing for their chubby honeys.
Great buildings in the midst or prairies, surrounded by shining barbed wire. Miles away, the signs start: "Obesity Epidemic Area. Full Quarantine. No one who entered without taking the proper precautions will be allowed to leave."
Workers are required to wear full body anti-contaminate suits. They are not permitted to look at those imprisoned in the fat camps, because the sight might be pleasing to them. Or even if the sight isn't pleasing to the guards and workers, it might become commonplace. Hell, they ain't so bad. Jest a lil soft around the edges. And the contagion begins to spread again....
A generation or two passes. Horror stories about the hideously deformed people who once lived in the now empty fat camps are used to terrify children. The public weighing machines fall into disrepair. Spiders nest in their gears. The reinforced bariatric trucks and train cars are given new life as cattle cars and horse trailers.
People breath a sigh of relief. The fat gene has been eradicated. No one over a BMI of 30 was allowed to reproduce. It's the final victory over obesity.
Then, somewhere, a child takes an extra serving of pizza. Another child hides in the closet, stuffing her face with Oreos. Three other children stop going outside to play. Their mothers wonder why their clothes don't fit anymore....

people don't seem to want me to leave

I really haven't got time anymore for this blog. But I'll try to post once in a while, okay?