Sunday, March 25, 2007

"step on my face and tell me that you love me..."

Okay, that's a bad take on the Monty Python song "SIT on my face..."
Anyway, I don't know why I persist in trying to be a fiction writer when real life is stranger than ANYTHING I can come up with.
This is an actual UNEDITED IM conversation I had a half hour ago. I simply removed the person's name for his own protection. Enjoy. Or not.

xxxxxx: hi
rosie: hi
xxxxxx: have you ever stepped on anyones throat?
rosie: no, but I've always wanted to bite someone's nose off.
xxxxxx: would you step on someones throat?
rosie: It would depend on the circumstances. Why? Do you want me to step on you?
xxxxxx: if you do how long would you keep your foot on my throat?:)
rosie: How long do you want me to? Are you paying me?
rosie: This is a very strange conversation.
xxxxxx: i will pay you yes
rosie: Where are you?
xxxxxx: boston
xxxxxx: how hard and long can you do it for $500?
rosie: There are no fat women in Boston who will step on you for money?
xxxxxx: interested?
rosie: I might be. When do you want to be stepped on?
rosie: Both feet or just one?
xxxxxx: both feet where?
rosie: On your throat.
xxxxxx: with all your weight?
rosie: I'm pretty sure you'd die. I weigh a lot.
xxxxxx: how long would you be willing to keep me without air for that amount of money?
rosie: I wouldn't kill you for $500.
rosie: I can understand this is some kind of sex thing for you, but killing is going too far.
xxxxxx: i dont want to die
xxxxxx: i want to know how far you are willing to go
rosie: I've never auto-erotically asphyxiated someone before. I don't know the rules. A minute? This is all hypothetical.
xxxxxx: can you make me pass out?
rosie: Honestly, any amount of time with my full weight would snap your neck.
rosie: Most likely.
xxxxxx: can you handle doing that?
rosie: With shoes on?
xxxxxx: no barefoot
rosie: I weigh a lot. With one foot, maybe I could knock you out.
rosie: Do many women respond to this question in detail?
xxxxxx: one foot is fine
xxxxxx: yes
xxxxxx: what is your foot size?
rosie: Depends on what style of shoe. 7 1/2- 81/2
rosie: How many have stepped on you?
xxxxxx: 30-35
xxxxxx: how would you feel doing it?
rosie: A little strange. You've paid out $15,000 to get stepped on? Must be nice to have that much money.
rosie: I'm not much into violence.
rosie: I wouldn't get off on it, if that's what you're asking.
xxxxxx: but you can do it?
rosie: I think I could do it. But it's unlikely to actually happen.
rosie: Why did you pick me? Because I'm fat, or nearby, or why?
xxxxxx: nearby
xxxxxx: what makes you confident you can do it?
rosie: I'd do it for the money, frankly.
rosie: I need new tires for my car and that's what they'd cost.
rosie: I don't want to get arrested though.
xxxxxx: arrested why?
rosie: As a prostitute. Or for causing you bodily harm with intent.
xxxxxx: where would you feel comfortable doing this?
rosie: I'd really have to think about it more. Is that okay?
xxxxxx: sure
rosie: Okay, I will think and get back to you.
xxxxxx: ok

I don't even know where to begin to comment on this. So go for it, my faithful readers.

Friday, March 23, 2007

weight loss foods

I eat less than I want to, very consciously, because I don't want to wake up weighing 600 lbs and confined to a bathtub or something.
But if the act of eating made me lose weight...well that would be the ultimate, wouldn't it? The Dutch want to make it so, but in a kind of perverse way. These magical foods, described as a new generation of foods that can help prevent obesity by making people eat less, would promote satiety, taste good, prevent diabetes...I know, sounds crazy. Some days the news has more crazy stuff in it than the fiction I'm reading! This magical food will contain ingredients which can stop an obese person from developing diabetes (what about a thin one?). The ultimate goal? These products should trigger satiety and stop us eating more and more. They should also meet our dietary requirements, have a very good taste and be enjoyable to eat. Hmm, that's not asking for a lot. Someone call Harry Potter. (Ever wonder why, with magic, they can re-grow a broken bone but not fix his eyes so he doesn't have to wear glasses anymore?)
The article also throws in a new offhand figure: that in the United States, 60 percent of the population is overweight or obese. 60%? I thought it was more like 70%. We are a nation of lazy people.

7 years old, 254 pounds

There's got to be more to this story. The mother of a 7 year old 254 lb boy, Justin Painter, says that Social Services is going to take the child away if he can't lose weight (how much weight? Doesn't say.) in 2 months. She claims to restrict his eating to "meat and 2 vegetables" three times a day.
The headline linking to the story that drew my attention was "Cartman to be taken by Child Protective Services" and indeed if you put a hat on this body, he would be Cartman. (Who supposedly weighs between 90-100 lbs, if the early episode "Weight Gain 4000" is accurate.)
Now the debate isn't whether the kid is too fat...he clearly is. But is the government right to step in and take him? It starts a very slippery slope....

cartman image source

Thursday, March 22, 2007

creating skinny zombies

Doctors are now prescribing ADHD drugs to overweight kids who don't have ADD just to make them lose weight. Side effects are mild: heart problems and sudden death, and psychotic hallucinations.
As a wonderful case study, they cite a child who lost 30 lbs in 4 years.
Drugs for ADHD are in the amphetamine family and are well-known appetite suppressants.
Then how come they keep working for 4 years? If my Phentermine worked for that long, I'd be thin as a rail. And why isn't it addictive like other amphetamines? 4 years is a long time to be something like friend who was on Phentermine for years was very sick when she finally got herself off it.
The kid who lost weight was 11 when he started. He probably hit a growth spurt, got taller, started playing sports (the picture shows him on a treadmill or similar equipment) and that's how he lost weight.
To me, this raises a lot more questions than it answers.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Plastic & Soap make men fat?!

I can't make this stuff up. A chemical used in soap and plastic seems to cause abdominal fat, insulin resistance, low sperm count, decreased testosterone, and screws up the thyroids of men. (Says nothing about women, alas.) The chemicals are called "phthalates." (Is that plural? Singular? Who knows? I'm guessing plural. Don't shoot me if I'm wrong.) Try to say it. It's even got the word "fat" right there in the beginning if you don't say it right. That's a clue, people.
So, I guess the answer is to to expose yourself to any plastic (good luck on that) and stop washing.

Weight loss with Wii

I can believe that people addicted to the Wii console lose weight. It's very active. My house is small and cluttered and doesn't have the space to dance around in front of the TV. (Tn fact, we haven't got ANY gaming console--not a Wii nor an Xbox or whatever the hell else is out there--just game we play on our PCs.) A blog post on CNN (dated 03-14-2007, titled "My very adult addiction" if it's no longer on top) explains that using any physical video game console is equal to exercise, citing the boy who played Dance Revolution daily and lost 70 lbs in a year.
Of course (duh) you're moving. Moving=calories burned=weight lost.
However, the author takes it too far, saying to stop telling kids not to sit in front of the TV and video games because they can be helpful....the key word here is SIT. Don't SIT. Standing and bouncing around is not the same as sitting!
It's the same difference I've found sitting in a chair and sitting on my ball. This morning I'm on my chair because my ball needs re-inflating. I'm very still except for my flying fingers. If I was on the ball, I'd be moving and bouncing constantly.
I'm sure that playing brain games can help your mind (I do it--I have Alzheimer's in my family and I don't want to end up like that) but you've got to move your body too. Always find a balance.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

wls causes brain damage?

This is pretty scary. A new study shows that vitamin deficiencies caused by weight loss surgery (WLS) can cause a rare type of neurological disorder called "Wernicke encephalopathy". It happens if you don't take your vitamins as directed after surgery, or if you vomit so much that you can't absorb them. It seems to be caused by a lack of vitamin B1 (thiamine). It affects the brain and nervous system, with symptoms including double vision, eye movement abnormalities, unsteady walking, memory loss and hallucinations. Very scary. The article says it can be treated by immediate injections of B1 but some people have died.
Did I say "very scary" already? TAKE YOUR VITAMINS. Don't screw around.

why drinking too much water is bad for you....

It has been scientifically proven that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli (E. Coli) bacteria found in feces (body waste).

In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of Poop.

However, we do not run that risk when drinking wine (or rum, whiskey, beer or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling or filtering and/or fermenting.

WATER = Poop

Ergo: It is better to drink wine and talk stupid than to drink water and be full of shit.

(for those with no sense of humor, this is a JOKE)

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

trim 500 calories per meal?

This article says you can lose a pound a week without trying and how easy it is to cut 500 calories per meal.
Then it does the usual substitutions of foods I've long since given up (like non-diet soda, which she assumes is 2 20 oz servings a day for 400 calories) for other foods I don't eat either.
Things to give up:
Bagels with cream cheese, coffee with cream/sugar.
I would never defile a bagel with cream cheese (not that I've eaten one in years) nor do I drink coffee with or without cream and sugar. I might drink tea, with 1% milk and fake sugar.
She also tells you to dump your OJ and the "second glass of wine" (this is listed under BREAKFAST). I still haven't had a FIRST glass of wine in my life and I have OJ about 6x a year.
She suggests you dump your daily snack of non-diet soda, a candy bar, and chips. What if you don't have such a snack? And I think anyone who is eating that type of snack EVERY day knows it's contributing to his weight problem.
For dinner, one of the things she says to get rid of is "buttery vegetables." WTF are those? She says to substitute spinach with 2 tablespoons of olive oil. Which is pure fat, like butter, so what's the difference between spinach soaked in oil (makes me gag to think about it) and a "buttery vegetable"?
I just love these articles that ASSUME what people eat.

Friday, March 09, 2007

yoga balls for fatties

My personal trainer wanted to get me sitting on a yoga ball. It's good for the abs, the lower back, the hip joints, and it burns calories. I was resistant.
I bought a 55 cm burst-resistant one from Wal-Mart. I blew it up and looked at it. It had a burst strength of 300, less than I weigh. I instinctively felt that if I sat on it, something bad would happen. That ball would have detonated like a bomb. Plus it seemed way too small (although it's the right size for my height). I lowered myself onto it with my trainer and my hubby holding onto me and the thing compressed to about a foot tall. Not gonna work. Your thighs should be parallel to the ground when sitting on it. Instead my knees were up around my chin.
My trainer said a friend of hers has an awesome ball which he got in New Zealand. I did some research online and found it. It's called a Duraball and it's wickedly expensive. (And from Australia, but not improbable that her friend got his in NZ.) It's got a huge burst strength, I forget what, but a picture online shows a baby elephant leaning on one. I hope I weigh less than a baby elephant. Some days I don't feel like it.
Bored and at the mall one day, I wandered into the unfortunately named Dick's Sporting Goods. There I found a lovely-looking extra heavy duty burst resistant ball in 65 cm (the next bigger size) in a beautiful shade of purple. I purchased it on the spot, brought it home, and inflated it....only to find it had no plug in the box. The CSR was nice enough but it took 2 weeks for the plug to come and for me to LOVE my ball. Love it so much I went right out and got the 75 cm green on which I now use as a chair at my writing desk (where I am now). The 65 cm is great for perching on to watch TV and to work out with but it's too low for me to reach my desk. My thighs aren't really parallel to the floor when I'm on it. But the 75 is too big for working out. It's enormous. I suspect even though the burst strength is outrageous it can't really compensate for my big ass pressing down on it. It's not spherical anymore; it turns into an egg when I'm bouncing on it.
Pretty funny that as I was working on this entry, my trainer called. We've been playing phone-tag (and email tag) all week. I haven't seen her in 3 weeks. She had finals at school (for massage therapy, which she's adding to her repertoire) and then we couldn't agree on a time to meet...but now we've talked (and she thought it was funny that I was writing about her as she had a sudden impulse to call me NOW) and we're working out early tomorrow. Even though I already worked out today. And sat on my ball 2 hours.
I hope my abs are ready for the punishment she dishes out to them. But she said she'll give me a partial massage afterward to make up for it. I've never had a massage that felt good. Only painful ones, to loosen the fascia tissue on my edema leg and to move the ripped ligaments and muscles around my broken tailbone. A nice massage. I can't imagine.

Thursday, March 08, 2007

new half ton man

A half-ton man in Mexico left his house for the first time in five his bed, but out of the house, according to this article. He has lost weight, going from 1235 lbs to 840 in a year, on a "high protein" diet. (Later on in the article it says it's the "Zone" diet.)
If I lost 395 lbs in a year I'd cease to exist. Wow.
This is the same guy I reported about a while back, who was offered free bariatric surgery and turned it down.

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

diet pills: phentermine

I am constantly being IM'd and emailed about Phentermine and where to buy it on the internet.
People, it's $30.32 at Wal-Mart for 30 37.5 mg pills.
If you are fat enough to need it, you can get a real prescription and go to Wal-Mart and buy it.
If you are NOT fat enough for a doctor to prescribe it, you shouldn't be taking it. That's why it's a prescription drug, a controlled substance. It has side effects--hot flashes, insomnia, rapid pulse, etc. A doctor, a real in person doctor, needs to monitor your blood pressure and other stats while you are on it.
There is NO PLACE to buy prescription drugs LEGALLY without a prescription. The online places have well-paid doctors on their staff to "prescribe" your order to you. Which is why you pay 3x as much online.
Guess what? Pharmacists don't care what prescription they are filling. They aren't laughing at you for buying it. In fact, the last time I had mine filled, the assistant pharmacist asked me questions about how it worked because she wanted to try it. I don't understand what the issue is with people not wanting to go to the pharmacy.
I'm not a doctor. I'm not an expert. I don't even have a lot of common sense sometimes, and it scares me that people come to ME for advice on a prescription drug. Call your doctor. Call your pharmacy.
And the other question I get "Where can I find a doctor to prescribe phentermine?" If you need it, your doctor will prescribe it--and yes, you can ask. He (or she) has a big fat book of prescription drugs and can look up the parameters. At over 300 lbs, there is no question I qualify. If you weigh 150, you probably won't get it and don't need it and don't waste anyone's time asking.

prescription diet pills--orlistat

I was out the other night with two very overweight friends. We were talking about diets and diet pills and somehow the subject of Orlistat (now available OTC as "alli") came up. Turns out both of them tried it. They agreed that it's disgusting. According to their experiences, weird orange oil LEAKS (yes leaks) constantly from your butt. Your butt feels greasy all the time and washing doesn't alleviate this. AND....the crowning don't lose weight.
Sounds like a plan to me. Orange grease coming out of my butt, well lubed butt cheeks and being fat as ever.
Sign me up.

fat burning

I was excited to see an article on how to make your body burn fat on its own.
I should have known it was too good to be true.
To sum it up:

  • Work out.
  • Eat less.
Go ahead and read it if you want.

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

decoding the twinkie

This sounds like an episode of Dirty Jobs: some guy went and found out what every ingredient in a Twinkie is. Maybe I'll see if the library has the book.
At the heart of the book is the fundamental question: why is it you can bake a cake at home with as few as six ingredients, but Twinkies require 39? And why do many of them seem to bear so little resemblance to actual food?
TWINKIES bear little resemblance to actual food!
Even so, it can be unsettling to learn just how closely the basic ingredients in processed foods resemble industrial materials. Corn dextrin, a common thickener, is also the glue on postage stamps and envelopes. Ferrous sulfate, the iron supplement in enriched flour and vitamin pills, is used as a disinfectant and weedkiller. ....Still, it gives you pause when he describes calcium sulfate, a dough conditioner, as "food-grade plaster of Paris."
Yum. Plaster of Paris.

Saturday, March 03, 2007

people who just don't get it

I don't usually read articles pertaining to kids. But this one was about Pizza Hut's reading program (I didn't know Pizza Hut had a reading program) so I glanced through it and was appalled at how STUPID some people can be.
The gist of this Pizza Hut Book It program is that kids read a set number of books between October 1 through March 31. If they reach their goal, they get a coupon for ONE PERSONAL PIZZA at Pizza Hut. For SIX MONTHS of reading. Personally, I wouldn't think it's worth the effort. What's a personal pizza cost, $3? That's $.50 a month. However, I read like a fiend and I always won the reading awards as a child so I'd be raking in the ONE pizza as every year. (Not that I ate Pizza Hut as a child. I didn't start eating it until after I graduated from college, actually--I have a good friend who LOVES it. I hardly eat there anymore because all the ones nearby have closed.)
The controversy is that children think they have to be rewarded to read. (Like one personal pizza in six months is any kind of a reward.) "In the name of education, it promotes junk food consumption to a captive audience ... and undermines parents by positioning family visits to Pizza Hut as an integral component of raising literate children" What did I miss? How is ONE visit to Pizza Hut in SIX MONTHS an "an integral component" of teaching kids to read?!
You know I don't usually defend fast food...but in this case, the arguments against it are just so STUPID. A school principal decried the program, saying, "I don't want to see kids gorging pizzas." GORGING!? ONE PERSONAL PIZZA IN SIX MONTHS?!
No wonder our eating habits are screwed up from the get-go if this guy considers eating a PERSONAL pizza (ie, made for ONE person to consume) GORGING.
I'm going to go bang my head into a wall.