Wednesday, May 31, 2006

I hate being fat and having cactus spines in my feet

I helped a friend in her garden this weekend. She has a lot of cactus. Yes, you can grow cactus in New England. I was wearing gloves but I had sandals on. I dropped a piece of cactus onto my foot and I thought I was okay but yesterday my foot started to hurt and it was obvious there were cactus spines in there. These particular cactus have almost invisible (my friend calls them "fiber optic) spines that get you--you can easily avoid the big pointy ones--and these fiber optic spines are also almost impossible to get out. They look like a short blonde hair growing from your skin and if you brush it up against anything....ahhh the pain!
By last night I knew where all the spines were because the skin around them was swelling and turning red. I considered going to the gym even though it was an off-day just to see if the water would pull them out.
Because the problem is, I cannot bend over far enough to get close enough to my feet to see the spines. (I can barely cut my own toenails). I was upstairs in the bed contorting myself and there was no way. Plus it's the leg with the edema so it's even less flexible. I tried to sit down and prop it high up on something but I couldn't even lift it (the leg is just so HEAVY--it's got to weigh 60 pounds or more). My husband lifted it for me, but then the pressure of what I had it propped on was too much and I had to take it down (or he had to, I couldn't lift it enough to even roll it off the container it was propped on).
Eventually I coated the top of my foot with Elmer's glue and peeled it off when dry. I did this about four times and finally all the spines came out. Relief! But what a difference from the spines that wiggled through my gloves. I simply went into the bathroom, turned on the bright light, and picked them out with tweezers.
If you can easily touch your feet and clip your nails, you have no idea what it's like not to be able to.

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

fat ladies and animal-related clothing

My friend called me last night and I told her how this site it up to 50 hits a day. (Again, thank you) and she suggested I find someone to make some nice clothing for overweight women. She made a really funny comment which is SO true. She said everything offered to fat women is either an animal print or has an animal on it--a cat or a dog usually. And then she said "It's not their fault that there's nothing else to choose from."
I never thought of myself as clothing retailer, but if people would buy it...sure.

Saturday, May 27, 2006

Fat kids turn into fat teenagers. Duh.

I don't understand this kind of research that seems so OBVIOUS. Fat children will grow up to be fat adults. They had to do a STUDY to figure this out? That's like saying a high percentage of women with blonde hair this year will have blonde hair next year (bottle blonde or natural). Duh. Guess what? My kitten will probably grow up to be a cat, want to give me some money to study the possibility that it might turn into an orangutan?

as if my boobs weren't big enough

now I have to worry about getting breast cancer in them. How the hell am I supposed to find lumps in these things?
Women who gain weight as adults face a higher lifetime risk of all types of breast cancer, researchers reported on Monday.
The study adds to a large body of evidence showing that weight and breast cancer can be closely linked. ....Breast cancer risk is linked to increased levels of the hormone estrogen and fat tissue produces estrogen, adding to the risk.
Great, just great.

sad child

This little kid's mom claims he is the fattest child in the world. He is SIX years old and weighs about 210 lbs.
He lives in Russia and people pay his mother money to meet him and get their photo taken with him.
His mother claims he doesn't eat much (but we all say that, and at least sometimes it's not true) but the reporter saw the kid eat 4 ice cream cones in four hours--bought by strangers.
That is SICK. You see a kid on the street who is so fat he's barely human, and YOU BUY HIM FOOD? His face is so fat I don't know how he can see. The article describes him:
We should mention at this point that Dzhambik, who most of the time looks at the floor, is really very fat indeed. His eyelashes are forced upwards by the rolls of fat that are his eyelids. His thigh fat hangs over his knees. His wrists look as if they have been swollen by bee stings. When he walks down the stone staircase inside the school, it thuds.
I think the stone staircase thing is an exageration. I weight more than that kid and I've never shaken a stone staircase.
Dzhambik does not so much lie down as bellyflop on to the carpet. His huge stomach means he can't stand up normally by bending his knees. Instead, he must get into the start position for a press-up, and slowly edge his hands and feet closer together until he can balance and bend his back upright. It is as if his limbs are held straight by plastercasts of fat.
The article describes how every piece of furniture in the house had been broken by this fat kid. Obviously he is TRYING to break it. Only ONCE in my life have I EVER broken a piece of furniture (a wooden chair) and it was because the person next to me had sat down after me and accidently locked the leg of their chair behind mine, so when I pushed the chair back to get up, the leg broke instead, spilling me to the floor (detouring first to slam my head into the wall). My point is, I weigh 100 lbs MORE than this kid and I don't break every stick of furniture in the house and NOTHING is reinforced or specially made.
The half-assed descriptions don't really get to the horror of what it must be like for this child to be so large and have his own mother pimping him to make money to buy him food to keep him fat so she can pimp him to buy him food to keep him fat so she can....well, you get it.

Friday, May 26, 2006

health food makes you fat

Just what I always wanted to hear!

'Healthy' foods can be pitfall for dieters
....It turns out those "healthy" foods were just as fattening as the chips and soda they replaced: The yogurt was filled with Reese's Pieces and the low-fat cookies were brimming with sugar that kept her hunger on razor's edge.

As concerns grow over rising obesity rates, so does confusion about the difference between what is healthy and what aids weight loss -- with many believing the two are interchangeable. ....

Foods with wholesome images -- nuts, yogurt and granola -- are often consumed with abandon by dieters and end up sabotaging them, she said. Many brands of granola, for example, can be packed with up to 600 calories per cup and are loaded with more sugar than a cup of Cap'n Crunch. ....

An ounce of Pringles potato chips contains 160 calories, for example, while potato chips made by the organic food company Barbara's Bakery have 150 calories for the same serving size.

Frito Lay's Tostitos Natural Blue Corn Tortilla Chips and the brand's Restaurant Style Tortilla Chips each have 160 calories per serving.

Yet people seem to binge on "natural" snacks free of guilt, even though there is virtually no calorie difference in many instances....

That's nice, huh?

Actually, it is. It just proves to me that nothing is perfect and you can't believe everything. Yes, organic food may have less chemicals (different ones at any rate) but that doesn't affect the calorie content, only the price. And the label "reduced calories" it could mean that it's reduced by 10%. So it could go from 200 calories a serving to 180 and people will eat double because it's a "diet food"
God I hate the word diet.

2 milestones

Last week, this blog had an awesome *50* hits a day!
It's a Fat Life: The Life of a Great Woman

-- Site Summary ---

Total ........................ 2,687
Average per Day ................. 50
Average Visit Length .......... 2:05
This Week ...................... 348


Not that I make money or anything from visits...but it's nice to know people care. Now please, post some comments while you're here!

The second milestone: I made level 5 in Yahoo answers--see my badge! But I still can't seem to get onto the top 10 in Yahoo health even though I have more best answers than the 10th person. Very frustrating and I can't seem to get an answer out of anyone.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

funny cartoon

Frank & Ernest by Bob Thaves

Thursday, May 18, 2006

addition to book review "passing for thin"

I forgot to mention the other aspect of her weight loss (besides the lack of exercise) that bothered me. She was really strict on the 3 meals a day. I can't see how she didn't damage her body. At least eat a bunch of small meals to raise your metabolism while you're dieting if you aren't going to exercise. No wonder she's got loose skin hanging everywhere.

Is this what OA tells you to do? Another reason why I don't like them. Besides the god thing.

another place I fit

I'm just racking them up, aren't I?
It's my parents' bathroom.
They have this weird arrangement. Right behind the door (so the door can only open to a right angle, not 180 degrees) is a linen closet which sticks out. The tub/shower is tucked along the same wall but doesn't stick out as much. The sink is opposite the tub. There's overlap between the linen closet and the sink's edge so that the space is very tight. For a while I was turning sideways and sucking in to get through.
Last week I walked right to the toilet before I realized I hadn't had a problem.

My Yahoo Avatar

Yahoo! Avatars

I wish I was this thin.
But overall, it matches my personality. I'm an angel who loves all animals. If I could have more animals on my avatar, I would. Notice my dragon? And my unicorn friend. And my snake necklace. And my new upswept hairdo for summer.
Of course, this might change as I change my avatar, so who knows what I'll look like in a few weeks?

new routine for working out

Yesterday my husband set up our bowflex again (he'd moved it from the garage where there's plenty of room to the basement where the ceiling is too low).
Starting this weekend, my routine will be: Monday-Wednesday-Friday Pliometrics/pool (lower body 60-80 minutes) and Tuesday-Thursday-Saturday Bowflex (upper body) 30 minutes. Yay!

Tomorrow I'm working out with my trainer again. So I should learn something new or how to make something "old" more difficult. I'm starting to get bored. Even the up-out-down-out-up-down exercise is easy. I can bicycle forward and backward almost equally. I don't move at all except when I'm balancing on the underwater noodle--and I think that's because of my posture, which is because of my body shape, which I will ask her about tomorrow.

Ode to Slimfast

I really like Slim-fast. It tastes good. It's cheap. I lose weight.
What's not to like?
Here's what I do with my Slim-fast--I buy the powder (Flavor: Chocolate Royale). I mix it with 1% organic milk (Regular milk makes me puke. Literally.) and a scoop of protien powder.
I found a nice 24 oz plastic "sport bottle" for around $2 at the grocery store. I marked 8 oz and 16 oz on the side. I pour in my milk, add my various scoops of powder, use my hand-held battery-operate dshake mixer (which I paid about a dollar for a couple of years ago) and I'm ready to go.
I drink the first half in the car on the way to work and the second half at my desk while answering Yahoo Answer questions (I'm nearly to level 5--today or tomorrow! Yay!).
I do this Monday-Friday for 2 meals (a total of 10x a week). I eat one meal of food on those days, and I try not to eat very much.
On Friday night I have tea and cookies with my parents. On Saturday I eat lunch and supper and usually a dessert. On Sunday I have breakfast, supper and a snack. Monday I'm back to Slimfast and usually grateful.
Do I ever cheat? Of course. Every other week or so I have Burger King for lunch instead of Slim-fast. Most of the time I don't have dinner on those nights so it works out, but sometimes I do. And I don't beat myself up. Oh, I ate a whopper patty, I might as well go out and have a gallon of ice cream. No, that's stupid. I used to think like that. That's addict thinking. I might have obessive-compulive disorder around my food but I am not going to think like an addict. Besides, I like beef and I don't eat it much. When I do out to eat I tend to get chicken. Once a month I make Hamburger Helper and about as often I make roast beef. Other than that, I don't eat beef if I don't go and get myself a Whopper patty.
I USED to go to Burger King 4 or 5 days a week for lunch. Now I go once every other week. That's quite a change. I save money, of course, because my Slim-fast meal doesn't even cost me a dollar. And a Slim-fast shake is about 200 calories. I have no idea what a Burger King meal is, but it's a lot more than that, even with diet soda. Of course within 45 minutes to an hour it's in the toilet so none of the calories should count, but somehow they do!
It's funny that I have no problem with a 8 oz glass of chocolate milk (essentially) as a meal-replacement but I can't do the meal replacement bars. To me, a little granola bar is a snack. And it's not enough. I'll eat two at least. But liquid fills me up.
There's two problems with slim-fast. (Not every frog is really a prince.)

  1. Sugar. Lots of sugar. 17 grams of carb per serving (not counting what's in the milk).
  2. Habit replacement--as in, it doesn't teach me to make good food choices. It just replaces eating unhealthy things like Burger King with chocolate milk. Better, but not good.
BUT IT'S WORKING. How can I stop? Why would I want to stop? It's not that it's addicting. It's not. It tastes good going down but leaves a bad taste in my mouth afterward. But losing weight, that's addicting. Being smaller. Fitting into things--clothes, chairs, changing rooms.

more on being fat

I just read a comment on here where the person mentioned going on rides at an amusement park.
I wouldn't even go.
I can't imagine either being told "you won't fit" or trying to squeeze myself into some tiny car or seat and having to get out in shame.
And desks-how could I have forgotten? A few years ago I decided to start taking classes at the community college (I have a degree, I just wanted to learn web design). I went there to register and saw all the tiny combination table/chairs and went into shock. I had to go to about five different people, getting more and more embarrassed with each retelling, asking what room my classes would be in and what kind of desks would there be. It was agonizing. I almost gave up and got my money back.
Are you thin? Can you IMAGINE that? Something you really want to learn, so much that you're willing to pay money and give up your free nights and Saturdays to learn, and now you CAN'T, you literally CAN NOT take the class because you are TOO FAT to fit in the goddamn seats.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Being fat

Every once in a while I like to talk about what it's like to be fat.

  • People either don't look at me or stare rudely.
  • My thighs are always touching. My pants wear away at the upper thigh and have to be discarded after a season. When I walk, my thighs do this sliding thing--one's in front and then when I swing my other leg forward, the fat squishes around so the other thigh is in front. I mean literally the fat of one thigh goes in front of the other one. From above my thighs aren't two round disks. They are more like a tai-chi (yin-yang) symbol.
  • I can't cross my legs. It's just not possible. I can't lift either of my legs high enough to get over the other thigh. I'd probably fall backward out of the chair trying.
  • I can't use a laptop on my lap. My breasts and stomach are in the way. I have a lap (I don't know why people say the overweight don't have laps)--it's not as large as it could be because my stomach's sitting a little on my upper thighs, but there's room for a cat. Except that when I sit, I let my thighs splay and relax. It's just not comfortable to try to keep them pressed together in a ladylike fashion. It's not like I'm wearing a short skirt and someone can see my panties.
  • There's a constant worry--will I fit? Will I fit in that booth? Will that folding chair hold me? Can I walk between those two cars? Between those two grocery carts? Since I've lost weight and toned up I pretty much fit in booths. (Outback's are still tight getting in and out because of the weird wooden lip they have, but once I'm past the lip I'm okay.)
  • Everyone looks at me when I eat. If I eat a salad (not that I would--you know how I hate lettuce), they think I'm on a diet. If I eat a cheeseburger, then I'm on a binge. I was buying a hotdog platter yesterday and talking to the woman who owns the restaurant. I've been going there for years. I told her I lost 35 lbs this year. The person behind me in line just looked at my hotdog like "yeah right" but you know what? I did lose the weight and I did it still eating a hotdog once in a while. Could I lose it faster if I never had a hotdog or fries? Yes, but then I'd feel deprived and unhappy and then I would go on some kind of binge. Although my "binges" are laughable in comparison to what I read. I might eat four whole hotdogs. Four. Champion hotdog eaters eat more than that in a MINUTE.

I'll have the lot with the eggs on top. And don't skimp on the pate.

Everyone's seen Monty Python's Meaning of Life, right? The scene when the extremely obese Mr Creosote orders everything on the menu, in a bucket, with the eggs on top? It's satire. It's funny.

Last night I was listening to the TV (I don't much like to watch it) and I heard an ad for KFC and I thought it was a joke, part of the program I was watching (Comedy Central). It was something about layering potatoes and corn and chicken and god knows what else in a bowl and then pouring gravy on it. My husband made some kind of remark about it and I said "it's just a joke" and he said it was a REAL KFC commercial. And shortly after, it aired again. It's The Crispy Chicken and potato Bowl, or something like that. IT'S A REAL PRODUCT.

How disgusting! Eww. I am so grossed out. Putting your food in a bucket with the eggs on top is supposed to be a JOKE...not something close to reality.

Personally, I never mix my food together. I don't put gravy on potatoes--only on meat, and the potatoes are on a separate plate so they don't touch the gravy. Eating a big meal with me means lots of small dishes. At home I use a divided Tupperwear dish to keep my food apart. The thought of mixing up everything and then pouring gravy on it....people are PIGS.

Monday, May 15, 2006

kicked out of the pool AGAIN

Second Monday in a row that I got kicked out of the pool when I was still doing my warm-up.
Last week it was due to poo.
This week, it thundered.
One fucking bit of thunder during a rainstorm (no lightning) and the pool closes for a hour.
Since at 2 p.m. it closes again for therapy, that doesn't leave me with any time for a 60-80 minute workout after 1:30.
Damn it.

book review: passing for thin

My therapist gave me this book to read, about a NYC literary agent who loses over half her body weight with OA.
As a writer myself, I found her style pretensious. She had to make everything into a metaphor and many of them just didn't work. She called the place she came from "planet of fat" and described herself as an alien--that worked. But when she was thin it was the "planet of girl" which didn't work for me. She talks about two guys she dated and calls them both "boys"--she is in her 40's, she shouldn't be dating "boys" and it's too cutesy and much too annoying. Boys are under 22.
She skims over her weight loss, making it sound easy that she went 590 days without flour or sugar to lose 170 lbs. No cheating, no back-sliding...NO EXERCISE. She says her sponsers (I think she's in OA but she never actually says it, but all the references to 12 steps, sponser and reading the AA book make me believe that's what it was) didn't exercise, in fact hated exercise and were proud to lose weight with only dieting.
And then she complains endlessly about her 15 pounds of lose skin (get it cut off or shut up) and how "ugly" her body is when she reaches her goal weight. Yes, it's true that skin will only shrink so much, but exercising helps. As does drinking water. She mentions her chain-smoking and her diet soda consumption as well.
Over all, it's an okay book, and it can be funny and inspiring if you aren't critical like I am.
She dwells quite a big on her incontinence--she claims she was always someone who peed herself due to her weight (starting weight 313). I weigh more than her and I don't pee myself. So I'm not sure being overweight is an excuse. Then when she's thin, she says she doesn't have big thighs to hold in the pee and she has to keep leaving work to change because she peed her pants, until someone tells she she can buy a sixpack of underwear at the drug store. God, even I know that--you can buy a sixpack of underwear at Stop and Shop even. Or, if you know you're having a problem, bring spare underwear with you. Be a grown-up.
She has surgery when she's thin because she has bad intestines due to an earlier surgery to get rid of a 36 pound tumor she didn't know she had because she was so fat. While they were in there, why didn't they take up her loose skin?
I can empathize with her "fag hag" lifestyle, hanging out with gay men because they're safe. Not that I do that--I have some gay friends but it's just due to how many of them are in the world, you're bound to bump into some and like them. I'm not attracted to friends because of their sexual orientation (I have a friend who is, and I think that's a form of prejudice). But I know what it's like to be the "friend" girl and never the "girl friend." In fact, I used to hang out with a bunch of guys (I was the girlfriend of one of them), but they were so used to my presence (and I have a masculine nickname in my real life--remember that when I walk down the street I'm not Rosie) that a few times they literally forgot I was a girl and I got some fascinating glimpses in the male mind. Especially about sleeping with other men's women. Wow. I tried to make myself very small and very quiet in the corner during that discussion!
She had some insights of course--what happens when you reach your goal weight and you're "done"? And your life doesn't change? When you fall in love for the first time in your 40's and still react like a teenager to a broken heart? (I fell in love as a teenager so I don't have to worry about that problem.)
I was very disappointed that she ended the book by going back to god/church. It seemed weak. It seemed like giving up. She did all the work herself, with help of her sponsors and OA friends, with her personal strength, and then she has to run back to god when her life isn't perfect?
The "powerlessness" and "pray to god" aspects of OA were one reason I didn't like it. (Plus the people at that meeting were jerks, honest to god--it was in Southington and they were just awful, with all these rules, you couldn't TALK ABOUT FOOD--it's a meeting called OVEREATERS Anonymous and FOOD TALK WAS FORBIDDEN. Ugh. )

Thursday, May 11, 2006

sick-withdrawal-side effects

Drugs suck.

I'm coming down to the wire on my Phentermine so I'm weaning myself off it. I've been having dreams and falling asleep easier so I know I'm getting used to it and I also don't have that same sense of distain for food that I'd had last month so I know it's wearing off.

I've been getting headaches, too, wicked ones. When I have a headache in the morning I don't take my pill because it raises the blood pressure.

I haven't taken it for a couple of days and today I feel light-headed, my head hurts, I'm nauseous, and I feel exhausted.

No wonder my friend who's been on Phentermine for years can't get off it. If I'm this bad after only a couple of months what must it be like for her? She said she can't get out of bed or function if she doesn't take it.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006


Due to some extremely rude comments that have been posted here, I am now moderating all comments.

This is a place where I share myself in order to heal, and to offer the honest truth to those who are interested. It's not a place to bash fatties or be mean.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

poo in the pool

Yesterday I went to the pool as usual after work for my 80 minutes.
A few people got out after I got in: A really fat old lady, a really skinny old lady, and an old man. The skinny lady and the old man I see there all the time; the fat lady was new to me.
I've just finished my warm-up and I'm transititioning into my next level of workout when another lady I don't know comes into the pool room. She was wearing a bathing suit with a skirt, which prompted me to write my skirt post earlier.
She walked down the ramp and just as she got to the bottom (her skirt was barely in the water) she stopped and made a fuss. The lifeguard guy working there went and got the skimmer and scooped something from the bottom of the ramp. I had just come down that ramp 15 minutes before and not seen anything, btw. He looked at the contents, showed them to the therapist who was working there, and she went over and said something to the lady, who went stomping out of the pool in a huff.
There was another lady in the pool working out, and a guy getting therapy. We were kind of watching what was happening, wondering. The therapist and the lifeguard went into the office for a minute and then came out and said they had to clear the pool, that there had been an "accident". I was pissed because I'd lost my workout. Due to my schedule, and the pool's schedule on Monday, if I can't work out between 12 and 2, I can't got at all. It was only 12:45.
I went in and the shower was going on the other side. I found a set of keys on the floor, put them on the bench, and went into a stall to undress, dry, pee, etc. I take a long time to do all that. Still the shower was running. The other lady was talking to the lady in the shower but I couldn't really hear anything--something about poop on the floor in a toilet stall (she didn't say poop, I'm filling in the blank).
I got out and was sitting on the bench getting dressed and talking to the non-shower lady. The other lady was STILL in the shower. Remember, she had been only at mid-thigh in the water. This other lady and I had been immersed. I mentioned to the lady that I'd seen the toilets sprayed with urine from little boys and also the time the woman had taken off her kid's bathing suit and it was literally full of poop (and not a swim diaper) and how people just don't care anymore. The woman in the shower started yelling "don't talk about it, don't talk about it" and basically just wailing and completely freaking out. Talk about over reacting. If she is immune-compromised to the point that a tiny piece of poo in a giant pool is going to make her sick, she shouldn't be in a public pool. And if she's not immune-compromised, shut up and deal with it. She's never changed a dirty diaper, or a cat box, or stepped in dog poop? Give me a break. People are wimps.
I went home, scrubbed myself double with salt scrub, and took a nap.
BTW, my bet is on the skinny old lady for the poop.

not saying someone's fat is lying?

I can't remember where I read this recently but it pissed me off.
It was an article talking about lying and white lies. The white lie they used as an example was not allowing your children to point out the fat lady in the pool and say that she's really fat.
This just happened to me, if you remember, so that's probably why I was sensitive to it.
This article (and I WISH I could remember where I read it) said basically that by teaching your children that it's not nice to insult the fat lady in the pool, you're teaching your child that it's okay to lie!
No, it's teaching your child it's okay to be mean and inconsiderate of other people's feelings. No where have I said that I want someone to come up to me and tell me I look thin and twig-like. It's nice when people notice my weight loss, but not necessary. But to come up to me and say "you're fat"--how does that solve ANY problem? How is that telling the truth and giving someone a positive role model?
What if the descriptive word the child wanted to use wasn't fat, but instead was nigger or faggot or lesbo or redneck or ugly? Would those words be okay if THEY WERE TRUE? No, they're not. Why is fat okay?
You can look at me and think I'm fat all you want. I can't stop you. But unless you have constructive comments to make about my fatness ("I know a good bariatric surgeon. " "I lost 150 lbs in therapy with this woman." "I'm a weight-loss counselor and I can help you") then shut the fuck up. I don't care if it's rude and lie. Just shut up.

fou-fou bathing suit

I got a new bathing suit a few weeks ago. It was on a pre-season sale and I had a coupon code for 30% off so I got it for around $30 (It's really around $89 which is outrageous for a bathing suit).
It's got one of those little skirts.
I don't like the little skirts. They call them thigh minimizers. My thighs are as big as a small child. Draping a little fabric over them isn't going to hide them.
The bathing suit comes, I try it on, it fits okay, but I hate the damn skirt. My butt sticks out so far in the back that the skirt doesn't even cover my whole ass and in the front the skirt hangs to mid-thigh. It looks awful.
I'm not a seamstress but it seems like the skirt can't be removed. I'll live with it.
I go into the pool, swim out to the deep end, and the damn skirt floats up, gets tangled in my float belt and just generally makes a nuisance of itself. And the lovely plunging neckline does NOTHING to keep my HH-cup boobs restrained inside. They are floating free every chance they get to escape.
This isn't good.
I had to go home and tack the skirt down to the hips of the underlying suit. It doesn't entirely keep it from floating around, but it's a lot better. And I also took a few stitches on the chest to keep the suit from separating. Now I just have amazing cleavage. Not that I don't have cleavage anyway, but when in the bouyant water, it's really a sight to see.
The picture is the suit I bought (I think--it's changed since I got it). Expand that woman about 2.5 times and that's me.

Sunday, May 07, 2006

big surprise: being fat makes it hard to get a job

I was searching for something to support one of my answers on Yahoo answers and I found the American Obesity Association's website. They list on this page lots of stastitics about obesity. This one caught my eye:

Stigma & Discrimination

  • Women with obesity appear to have much more prejudice and discrimination directed against them than men with obesity.
  • Obesity contributes to unemployment for women. After undergoing surgery to reduce obesity, a drop in unemployment rate from 84 to 64 percent was reported for women.
  • Women with obesity face significant barriers in establishing and maintaining social relationships in a society that emphasizes thinness as physical attractiveness.
  • Women with obesity have reported attending fewer years of college and receiving less financial support for higher education than women who are non-obese.

None of this is news to me.
Fat women are discriminated against more than fat men? Hell yeah. No one says anything about men with big bellies. But a woman who's not pregnant with a huge belly--eww, disgusting.
84% unemployment? I believe it. I am under-employed to the point of being unemployed. I make 1/2 what I should make per hour for the work I do and I only work at it part time, so my salary is 1/4 what it should be. I made more on unemployment than I do at this job.
However I did finish my 4 years of college and I'm still taking the occasional non-credit class. I haven't asked for financial aid though.

Friday, May 05, 2006

response to dream

I email my therapist my dreams and then we discuss them at my next session. But the snippet was short and she simply emailed me a response:
"This man is the part of (you) who(se) purpose is to defeat you and make you feel it's no use. You need to deal with him every day - tell him you will not tolerate his discouraging comments; he must mind his own business. You are going for the gold! He can tag along if he doesn't get in your way."
Interestingly enough, I do know what she's talking about. I don't see this part of me as a fat guy in a wheelchair, but it's there. Sometimes I'm putting on body lotion as part of the whole love-myself thing and I can feel how smoothly my thigh now flows into my hip, and the strong muscles underneath the fat. Or when I get out of the pool after a long workout (Wednesday I did 100 minutes) and my stomach feels so flat and tight and good, and I feel good. And then I look into the mirror. Doesn't matter if I was touching my thigh or just aware of my abdomen muscles. And I see the real me, how fat I am, and I'm crushed.
It's the same feeling as in the dream--I've reached a goal, I feel really good about myself, but the REALITY--the objective reality which measures me against the rest of the world--is that I'm still morbidly disgustingly super obese and a failure by any standards.
And of course, at 298 lbs, I would have a 51 BMI and still be super obese, although no longer malignantly obese. (Don't you LOVE these terms?--for a full list see this post.). To slip out of super obesity, I'd have to get down to 290, which would put me at 49.8 BMI and into"Morbidly Obese." To get out of Morbidly Obese and into plain ol' obese, I'd have to drop to 230 (39.5 BMI). And of course to be a normally overweight person (a contradiction in terms, but 2/3 of the population are fat, that's the majority), I'd have to weigh 172 (29.5 BMI). I can barely picture that, much less the golden grail of normalcy: 145 lbs (24.9 BMI).
Current BMI: 55.8, or down about 7 points. The BMI changes so slow at these high weights.

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Balloons again, just in case you missed it

This is from a British web site, because of course we can't have anything that works approved over here. Even the lap-band surgery, which has almost completely replaced bypass surgery in Europe, is frowned on here. Bunch of fucking Puritans, that's all we are in the U.S. Pinch-faced lips turned down noses curled--what's that? That's new. We don't do new here.
The article (well, really, it's an ad, so shoot me for quoting an ad) starts out with this lovely fact:
The World Health Organisation reports that more than 1 billion people worldwide are overweight and at least 300 million of them are severely overweight or obese.
and continues on to say:
The BioEnterics¤ Intragastric Balloon (BIB¤) Program can help you transform your body and lifestyle in a safe and effective manner, improving your health, and enhancing your life. ...

The BIB programme offers many distinct advantages over conventional diets and weight loss programmes:

  • Have a feeling of satiety
  • Lose more weight than with other diet programs
  • Be supported by a team of medical experts
  • Learn principles for long-term success
  • Have the benefits of a non-surgical, non-pharmaceutical approach
.... The BIB is a soft, silicone balloon that is inserted into the stomach and filled with sterile saline. With the balloon you will have a feeling of satiety, or lack of hunger. The balloon will be removed after 6 months. With the help of the BIB, you can more easily adopt the lifestyle changes needed to lose weight.....Individuals participating in the BIB programme can expect to have significant weight loss in the first six months. The amount of weight loss will depend on how well you adopt longterm lifestyle changes related to eating and exercise. Clinical trials have shown an average weight loss is 18kg (~39 lbs) over a 6 month period....

Well, having just lost 30 lbs in 3 months without the balloon, maybe I'm not so impressed. But if I kept to my routine AND added the BIB what would I get?
I like that this program includes exercise and diet support too. Why can't I get it here?

Pacemakers for the stomach

I'm not sure I understand how such a device would work, but here goes. This was posted a few days ago on CNN.

The company that invented the heart pacemaker is employing the same technology to trick obese patients into thinking their stomachs are full. .... While Medtronic is trying to develop a battery-powered gastric pacemaker that causes the stomach to contract, sending signals of satiety to the appetite center in the brain, a small start-up also is working with the famed Mayo Clinic on a device that uses electricity to paralyze the stomach, reducing or stopping contractions that churn food as part of the digestion process. ...(The) implantable gastric stimulator, or IGS, failed to prove effective in a clinical trial in achieving excess weight loss after 12 months. ... the market for all therapy related to obesity is $100 billion; the market for the severely obese is $5 billion to $10 billion. ... (Another device) is ... inserted beneath the skin of the abdomen, with connecting electrical leads placed on the stomach. The electrical pulses ...paralyze the stomach, stopping contractions that churn food as part of the digestion process .....The goal is to slow digestion so that the patient feels sated longer. The device also shuts down the pancreas and the secretions of digestive enzymes. The process effectively causes the patient to absorb less food, and thus calories .... partly the reason gastric bypass surgery works.

This interests me. I have no problems with a small device planted into my skin which electrocutes my stomach. And even if I'd only lose weight for one year and then have it taken out, BIG DEAL--with the by pass you only lose weight for 18 months. So what's the difference? I bet after a few years you could have the device re-implanted (or turned back on if it was left in) and it would work again. It's probably like diet pills and your body gets used to it. Just give yourself a break from it for a while.

I also have no problems with the balloon, which I believe I've mentioned before--it's like a temporary bypass. Available in Canada but not here, not for at least 10 years. Grr.

Weird dream

I don't usually post my dreams here. And I'm not going to post the whole thing.
But part of a dream I had last night was about being fat. And usually in my dreams I'm not a size. Does that make any sense? I'm there, but I just AM--I have no sense of how large or small I am or in comparison with anyone else.
But in this dream I had a definate size. I weighed 298 lbs. And I was damn proud of it, to be under 300 at last. I was at some kind of gathering--I don't remember what it was or why, it was at a hotel of some kind out in the woods. And there was this really, really fat guy there. The kind that's so fat he's in a wheelchair because his legs can't hold him up anymore, and his next step is to be like the Mexican guy I just wrote about and be bedridden. He was in an extra-wide wheelchair too, the kind that doesn't fit through a standard door.
He was HUGE.
One of my friends was there with me in the dream and we were talking about my weight. Usually I don't discuss my actual scale numbers with anyone but my therapist or on here, but in the dream I made an exception and told her I was down to 298, rather than just saying, "I've lost almost 70 lbs" which is what I do in real life.
Wheelchair man was behind us when I said it and he flashed me a big grin and said "We're almost the same! I weight 305!"
And I wanted to go and shoot myself.

free surgery for Mexicans!

Well, one Mexican anyway.
This is one of those stories that piss me off.

A Mexican man who at 550 kg (1,200 lb) is possibly the heaviest person in the world hopes to travel to Italy for a life-saving operation to shed weight. Manuel Uribe, bedridden for the past five years, cannot stand on his own .... (A) surgical team has offered to perform an intestinal bypass free of charge. ... he weighed a more normal 130 kg (290 lb) until aged 22 and did not know what happened to him.

He doesn't know how he got so fat he can't leave the bed. And his wife left him. So who is feeding him and cleaning him up?

This is the thing about bariatric surgery--bypass, lap band, whatever. It's all about HOW MUCH YOU EAT. The doctors talk about "head hunger" and lack of exercise, but the surgery really doesn't do anything for either of those two things--you're still forced to do that on your own. Where are the implants to make me stronger and faster? Hell, they did it to the Bionic Man in the 1970's; it's been 30 years, why can't I be bionic? (What the hell does "bionic" mean anyway? Now it makes me think of Legos' Bionical line. Which I probably spelled wrong.)

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

How to post a comment or talk to me

On the bottom of every post is a little icon which looks like the back of an envelope with an arrow on it. Click that icon and type. What you type will remain on the blog for everyone to see. I will get an e-mail with your comment in it, but I WILL NOT BE ABLE TO ANSWER YOU DIRECTLY. If I answer you it will be through a post.
If you want me to answer you privately (not via a posting) or you don't want to make your comments public, then you have to send me an email.
My address is wholelottarosieyoung (at) yahoo (dot) com. Obviously put it into proper email format with the @ and the . in place of the words.
You can also contact me through my 360 page or Yahoo Instant Messenger ("wholelottarosieyoung").

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

double chin exercise

I've posted this often enough on Yahoo answers, so I might as well share it here.

This helps a flabby chin. It's not meant to replace losing weight, just to supplement it:

Open your mouth and look straight ahead. Then tilt your head straight back as far as you can, until you feel a pull in your throat. Now close your mouth s-l-o-w-l-y. Tilt your head back forward and repeat.

I am about 10 best answers away from being #10 on the Health & Fitness board so today I am answering questions like crazy. I'm at around 130 best answers and the number 10 guy is at 140.

milestone & weight loss

I lost another 5 lbs. That's about 34 lbs since February. (My scale isn't the most accurate--it doesn't go up to my full weight and there's no way to reset it to zero and it's not at zero so it's double guess work.)
Last night I was at a meeting I go to a couple of times a month. There are two types of chairs-regular kitchen chairs and white resin chairs (like you'd have in the yard). I usually sit on a wooden kitchen chair because the resin chairs are too tight for my butt. Last night the furniture got moved around for part of the meeting and the kitchen chairs were piled up so I had to sit in a resin chair and I fit! And my legs weren't crunched tightly together either. Wow.
I'm beginning to think that I won't have a problem in 2 months taking a plane.

Monday, May 01, 2006

healthy food versus healthful food

Healthy is an adjective. That means it modifies a noun. A noun is a person, place, or thing. (Don't you remember School House Rock?)

HEALTHY means: "enjoying health and vigor of body, mind, or spirit : WELL or evincing health"
HEALTHFUL means: "beneficial to health of body or mind"
(quoted from dictionary)

So when people talk about food being isn't healthy. Raw vegetables are alive but dying. Cooked vegetables are dead. Meat is dead. Dead isn't healthy.
However, eating these foods can promote health, so they are HEALTHFUL.

However, the trend is toward making "healthful" obsolete and using healthy for everything. The further dumbing down of our language as the population gets stupider because stupid people breed more than intelligent ones.

fat kids get surgery

When I look at how much the world has changed in the 30 or so years since I was a kid (or the 20 years since I was a teenager) I don't blame my grandmother for not wanting to leave her apartment. She talks about everything she's seen in the almost 90 years she's been on this planet. Well I haven't even been on this planet HALF that and I've seen plenty.
But giving fat kids bariatric surgery has to rank up there as one of the worse of the changes.
As the waistlines of America's young keep expanding, more hospitals are establishing weight management centers for kids. The programs offer a variety of resources, from nutritional counseling to bariatric surgery for the most extreme cases. ... Nearly 1 out of 5 is obese, according to government figures... parents must be involved if a child is going to succeed at keeping weight under control.Children usually aren't shopping for food or making decisions about what to eat for dinner....the biggest challenges is finding a way to pay for the weight programs, which usually aren't covered by insurance. Thanks to a $3 million federal grant, the Pittsburgh clinic doesn't charge its patients for the service.....

I can't believe it. Adults who have been TRYING for years to lose weight have to fight with insurance companies (as I have given up on) to get this surgery covered. Fat little shits get it for free, and who knows what it does to them as they grow up with their stomachs resectioned and their intestines re-routed?
I've said it before: kids are spoiled and lazy. They get driven to school door-to-door by Mommy or by the nice Mr Bus Driver. They don't play outside because of all the (invisible) child molesters. They just sit inside in front of a computer, a tv or a video game and eat snacks and get fat.
I try not to watch TV when the audience is kids or mommies because it has the most annoying advertising. But sometimes some of that advertising spills over into the things I do like to watch (history and science shows, comedy, forensics). A lot of food commercials glorify the "after school snack" --what the hell is that? I didn't get fed the second I walked in the door--I got home at 3:30 and we had supper at 5:00 so why did I need to eat?
Commercials have a HUGE impact on children. I remember crying and crying for toys I'd seen on TV and my mother telling me that what the toys did on TV they don't do in real life. (At least she was smart enough to know that). I remember using my allowance to buy Sea Monkeys and never even getting to open the package--my parents returned them and got my money back. I don't think we even left the mall. Of course I wanted sea monkeys--the pictures show little mer-people with tridents and castles and all sorts of cool stuff. I know now that what you get is brine shrimp, which are little fuzzy things that look NOTHING like mer-people and most definately don't have limbs or weapons to carry in them.
Advertising is even worse now. The government could start by regulating how products are marketed to children or evaluate whether children's programming should have ads at all.
The article above said that kids don't food shop or choose food. That's totally bogus. How many times have you been in the supermarket and heard a squalling brat screaming for some stupid cereal that's 80% sugar? Or throwing cookies and chips into the carriage? You never hear a kid crying for more carrots.
I mentioned the horrible family I encountered last week at Burger King. The sanctimonious mother ("This stuff is all crap") ordered a salad for herself but did she offer a salad to her kids? Did she take the option of getting a different side than greasy fries for them? Or a bottle of water instead of soda? No. She said "What do you want?" and didn't try to guide their choices toward more healthful selections.