why am I afraid of new food?

Last night my husband got grilled shrimp skewers over flavored rice for dinner. It looked yummy. He said it tasted yummy. Absolutely nothing was stopping me from putting out my hand and saying "let me try one". I wanted to say it. I really did. I couldn't. It's almost as scary as contemplating petting a tarantula (I hate spiders).

Why does this happen to me? I've never been poisoned by unfamilar food (at least not in this lifetime). And even if I was, this is food I've seen before. Shrimp, while I've never eaten it, is not weird or wild food. People eat it all around me, all the time (my dad loves it).

Okay, how about chicken? I already eat chicken. But do something different to the chicken and I can't do it. I can't eat it. I feel anxious and sick and trembly. I almost want to cry.

I see pictures of food in magazines and online and on menus and I think to myself "I bet that's really yummy....for someone else." Not me.

There's some kind of fucking wall inside me. I can't get over or through or around it. I don't know what to do.

I would rather exercise like a crazy person than change my diet. It's easier for me to hurt myself working out than to try to eat a grilled shrimp, or a piece of chicken in unfamilar sauce, or a new kind of fruit.

What is wrong with me? How can fix this?

3 hour long musical rant

Hate this radio station. Hate oldies. Hate 70's crap music.

Hate hate hate the Doobie brothers. The repetitive keyboarding reverberates through my brain and causes me physical pain. The volume being cranked to maximum doesn't help either.

Hate this whiny shit. "I always thought I'd see my friend again" and calling for help from Jesus.

Hate the oldies which are now commercials. Hate commercials.

Abso-fucking-lutely hate disco. "dance boogie woogie dance" I am going to rip open my own throat with my fingernails. ..... Does this song ever end? I hate men who sing with high-pitched voices. Grow a set of balls, asshole.

Whining love songs from the 60's. Slow and, you'd think, non-offensive. But after being assaulted by disco and other assorted crap, even a song might not be so bad sounds like crap. The crap rubs off on everything it touches. CRAP. It's all crap. Now we've got "mr big stuff" with all these trumpets. Trumpets are hardly ever acceptable to me.

A 10 minute block of commercials & talking about stupid stuff. Hyundai (I own one, what can I say?), debt free (too good to be true) and then I stopped listening because I had actual work to do.

Some kind of drug-worshiping song....with fucking trumpets. Such nonsense lyrics, worse than Nirvana. Judy in the sky with her cross-your-heart bra. Whatever.

I love Elton John, but this is the worse song of his they ever play on the radio--this disco "don't go breakin my heart" with the disco chick. What was he thinking? AND THERE'S TRUMPETS. What is it with trumpets today? Why couldn't they have played "Tiny Dancer"?

"When a man loves a woman" a classic song, but overplayed in commercials and movies. Too bad. Commercialism ruins everything. The Navy used that great Godsmack song in their TV commercial and ruined that too, for instance. At least there's no trumpets in this song. Or in Godsmack, for that matter. Not like Big-Dick oldies (that's what everyone calls it) station would ever play Godsmack. Can the DJ's really LIKE this music?

Hollywood gossip. Who gives a shit?

Lottery commercials--a tax on people who are bad at math. Hospital cancer wards. Stop smoking or die of cancer (fear fear fear fear)--nice juxtaposition with the hospital ad! Acne treatment--how many teenagers listen to oldies? Stupid.

"I'm a soul man" isn't this the blues brothers? It’s got trumpets. Today I just can't deal with brass instruments. If all they played was this, and man loves a woman, and even the bad Elton John, I wouldn't be complaining. It’s the other 70's crap and whiny crap that ruins it.

Billy Joel is okay. Hint of trumpet, but good piano. This I can deal with. It's very singable. "You hadda be a big shot didncha?" It's the kind of stuff you like to sing along with while drunk.

<>begging for blood now--save a life. I pass out when I give blood, sorry. Remortgage your home. Some brand of supermarket that we don't have around here. (what assholes are selling these inappropriate ads?) Contest rules--but for what contest??

More trumpets-don't pull your love out on me baby. Sounds pretty gay to me, since it's a man singing. Or like a bad method of birth control. Is this even 60's? I think it's 50's. I wasn't even born yet.

If all my dreams come true I'll be spending time with you. Maybe you need some more ambition, lady. (and you know, I can't tell--is it a lady or another castrato, predating the screaming 70's?) Love is not about completion, it's about complementing. And of course the trumpets in the background. Why did I never notice all these trumpets before today??

Here’s a really inane one-just these people screaming "good love" over and over. Much too fast-paced. I think they were all high. These songs are all about sex anyway. Or drugs. I DO NOT want this crap implanted into my brain! It's brainwashing. Now I will think all I need is "good love" in the morning and evening. It will echo in my mind for days.

All you want to do is use me again. Hello, you can only be used if YOU allow it and set it up. Duh. It does have nice background music, kinda slinky, sans trumpets. That’s cuz the song's about sex. Kinky sex, I think.

Hippy love song: c'mon people smile on your brother. Good sentiments, too fucking sappy. Too saturated with dope smoking.

sappy love song: working my way back to you with a burning love inside. I think you need to see a doctor for that burning thing!

I can't even understand most of the words to this drug-induced fantasy, except for "along comes Mary" and "sweet as the punch" (is it about abuse? I don't get it at all.)

One of these nights from the Eagles. Acceptable music in small doses. Although toward the end it gets a little castrato and goes on for much longer than it needs to. At least there's no trumpets.

More begging for blood. Six flags. Cable TV vs satellite TV. Oreos and milk. (again, improper ad for this station.) Local weather.

A song that starts with a trumpet flourish probably won't get any better, and then goes right into whining about dreams coming true and the much too cutesy "me n' you" (me n u=menu=food, let's go have lunch!)

Ah, the Rolling Stones. Like balm on my sore ears. Angie. I don't care if it's sappy.

Local NASCAR racing. Subaru sale. Oriental rugs.

Andy Gibb. King of castrado-rock. Need I say more?

Christmas Tree Shop. Bob’s discount furniture wants managers. See clearly method (probably a hoax). Sexual enhancement (hoax).

Cisco kid was a friend of mine. A little too much like chanting, but at least no trumpets. And it’s a story, not whining for love or sex.

Slow dancing swaying to the music. Too sappy for me. Like something played at a wedding.

You’re back in my arms again right by my side. Kind of O-C stalker, ain’t it?

David Bowie? Are they high? Someone must have put in the wrong CD. Ch-ch-changes.

Will power it’s now or never. I’ll rape you if you don’t submit, that’s what he’s saying. Nice.

Geckos doing the robot. Eczema and dry flaky skin and people with no social lives.

Let your love flow. Sounds like some kind of VD—get that looked at, that’s no better than burning.

I don’t know the name of this one. It’s kinda whiny. “oh my love my darling I hunger” it’s really classic but has incomprehensible words. Another overplayed commercial/movie song. I think maybe it was in Ghost?

Signed, sealed, delivered, I’m yours. Isn’t this from a commercial too? This station is like the soundtrack to commercials. That’s STEVIE WONDER? I thought it was a GIRL. Whew. Steve, where the hell are your testicles?

Back to Hyundai commercial again. Meat. (yeah, a commercial for MEAT—kind of an anti-vegetarian message. Oh, it’s not, its BBQ sauce. Whatever.) Jewelry store going out of business. Lottery.

I really hate this song. It’s all these people sighing & groaning loudly. “it’s the time for the season for loving” and all these people groaning. It’s totally hippy shit.

Yeah, Rolling Stones again! “This could be the last time.” Only because they’re coming nearby pretty soon.

This Shambhala song sucks too. “The rain of shaam-ball-ha.”

And then I went to lunch.

I'm going to gnaw off my own limbs, or why I hate commercial radio

COUNTRY MUSIC OLDIES. Could I be any more tortured? If gnawing off a limb would get it to go away, I think I'd do it. The radio is next to me, but my boss is in the other room, so the volume is head-splitting, yet he gets annoyed when I try to tell him something and he can't hear me over the radio's red blare. So I turn it down, and he comes out here and turns it back up. ARGH. Why can't he take it into his office and shut the damn door?
And the fucking commercials. Erectile dysfunction. Eww. I'm at WORK, I don't want to think about penises. Scaly itching skin. Could it get any worse? Oh yes, it can. Stop smoking or die. If this station is getting this kind of crappy advertising it's got to be on its way out. The work-friendly station I prefer, which is owned by the same corporation, has REAL commercials. (Not that I like them any better, but most of them aren't offensive in nature.)
Shall we rant about advertising? I took classes in it in college (minor in Communications).
Advertising is designed to do one thing: to sell. The way advertising sells is to make you feel inadequate, and then suggest that their product can overcome the very fear they just instilled in you. "IF YOU KEEP SMOKING YOU'RE GONNA DIE" --oh god, oh no, he's right, now what do I do? Oh, I buy this product and I quit in just 3 days. And then I won't die. Phew, that's a relief.
MEN ARE YOU OVER THE AGE OF 25? Then you need this product to enhance your sexuality-your size, stamina, desire, frequency. Keep your woman happy or she'll leave you for someone with a big dick who can make her happy multiple times.
DO YOU WANT TO FIT INTO A BIKINI THIS SUMMER? This product will help you lose all that unsightly bulging fat. You mean my fat is not only bulging, it's ugly? Oh no. I never would have known that if you didn't point it out. In gratefulness and gratitude, I will buy YOUR product, since you told me about my problem.
It's all fucking bullshit. I was trying to explain to my husband how to tell if a product is a scam. #1 it relies heavily on testimonials. #2 it offers outrageous money for those testomonials. "Send us your before and after photos and we'll send you $500." If the product works as good as you say, everyone should be able to send in great photos and make back what they spent buying your product, right? If a product just says "we'll post before and after pictures on our website" and they pay you nothing, that's a little different.
There's also the language.
Protected by five US patents. Yeah, so what? Any moron can get a patent. Or a copyright. You don't even need to prove that your invention works, or your work is well-written. Just fill out the application and send in your money!
Scientifically formulated. (meaningless)
Space-age technology. (we live in the space age, so any technology qualifies)
Space-age polymers. (that means plastic).
Doctor reccomended. (Could be just one doctor, and he could be on their payroll, and he could have bought his degree online. Or could be a dentist, or someone with a PhD in Art History. "Doctor" means lots of things.)
Clinically tested. (I can call my garage a clinic and set up testing that doesn't follow any kind of scientific standards.)
FDA approved. (If it's not sold by prescription, and it's not food, the FDA has nothing to do with it.)
And on and on and on. There's whole sites devoted to this, no doubt. Just be an aware consumer. Know WHY you are buying the product. Is it because it has shiny or cool packaging? (I'm guilty of that--buying those overpriced gold-wrapped chocolates which are packed in a clear plastic pyramid cuz I want the pyramid, although the chocolates are yummy too.) Or because it comes with something free, or it's 25% larger? if it's something you buy all the time, like shampoo, and it comes with free conditioner, that's a bonus. Except if you never use conditioner! Sometimes toothpaste comes with a free toothbrush.
There are lots of valid reasons to buy something. You stay at a friend's and borrow her shampoo and you really like it. You're going to buy it even if you don't have a coupon and it's not on sale. You love a certain brand of frozen dinners and they come out with a new flavor--you're going to try that before you buy cheaper the store brand. See, it's not always about price. Some things I will only buy brand names of: hershey's syrup, heinz ketchup. other things I don't care what brand it is and I'm happy with the store/generic or what's on sale.
I try not to be influenced by this unwanted advertising pouring into my ears for the 21 hours a week that I'm at work. Most of it doesn't concern me. I don't care about electrolysis or stopping smoking and I don't have scaley skin or erectile dysfunction. I don't want or need a new vehicle. I don't have kids. I don't shop for clothes at the stores advertising on the radio (simply because I don't fit into a size 12). I don't need new flooring or windows or siding. I'm good. I'd like to have more money, but I'm not taking out another mortage. I don't care about my credit score. I am fine with my bank.
Play music I like. Don't talk about stupid shit. Don't play any commercials.
When I am home, I listen to Launchcast. I have an SBC account, and I get it commercial free. Yay. Only the music I pick out. Nothing else.

left arm

I don't like this at all. My left arm is starting to swell like my left leg. It's really noticable to me. I wish I had a tape measure. I tried with a piece of paper and it seems to be about 1/2" bigger around at the wrist. I'm going to the ND today for accupuncture so I will talk to her about it. I am also not happy that my period, after deserting me for so many months, has now come twice in three weeks. Grr.

Water Pliometrics

Actually I have no idea how to spell it. Plyometrics, Pliometrics. Anyway, I started it yesterday. I just did a Google search and both spellings come up, but what's described is NOTHING like what I did yesterday--even the stuff they describe as pool work isn't what I did.
A friend of mine is going to school to become a physical therapist & personal trainer. She is already a Yoga instructor and a Reiki master. I am her project for this summer. Yesterday was our first session. I lasted over 2 hours.
Basically, this is water aerobics of a sort. No-impact (as opposed to what comes up when you google either spelling). I did various movements like jumping jacks, reversed arm jumping jacks, kick backs, cross-country skiing, and crunches. The point is that you do all exercises from your core and don't move in the water. By "don't move" I mean you pick a spot in the pool as if it's marked with a X and that's where you stay, no matter what exercise you're doing. We only did shallow water stuff, as the person's pool we were using doesn't have a deep end.
I am EXHAUSTED today. My triceps ache, my legs, my back, my stomach. All good aches, working-out aches. Yesterday's marathon workout was less than a day after I spent the afternoon in the same pool, moving constantly for several hours, so I was already tired.
We are going to shoot for 2-3 sessions a week, as our schedule permits. My friend might be able to get us into the pool at my college since a good friend of hers works there. That has a deep end. I know someone else with an in-ground pool but, except when I was at a party there last week, I hadn't talked to her in ten years so I feel funny about calling and asking if I can use her pool, even though I am sure she'd say yes.
I have to get the opposite of a weight belt--a float belt. I am very floaty but I was having trouble with some of the exercises and we had to use noodles, which are for fun, not for support during aerobics.
After all that work and water immersion, the swelling in my leg WENT DOWN.
In a couple of weeks I am having another liver flush. Combined with this exercise, I think it should help a lot. I am going to look into taking some kind of lymph flush pills again too.

body disphoria

I probably spelled that wrong.
There's a lady who works in the same building as me and I see her in the hallway when I am making a bathroom run. She's a little shorter than me and very round. When I see her from a distance I think "at least I don't look like that--or walk like that." Fat people tend to walk very slow, ponderously, flat-footed, often hunched over. I keep my head up, my back straight, and I walk with straight steps (which I can prove by showing you my shoes which are not warn to the inside or outsides like people who do not walk with straight steps). When I am walking I am very aware of my body. I have a certain image in my mind of how I look--an overweight woman, yes, but one who walks with some dignity.
I feel like my upper abdomen is pudgy, but acceptable, I feel tall (which I'm not, I'm about 5'4"). I know my butt sticks out and my upper arms are large but I hope my bearing makes up for those minor flaws.
Then I see myself in a monitor and I look just like that round ponderous woman. Only fatter.

stuck

I feel so stuck and unhappy. It's the first day of summer. I need to be light and free.
I met with the girl who's going to be my physical therapist for the summer, doing water aerobics and pool therapy (actually in my other therapist's pool!). I could be excited about that, but I'm not. I feel so blah. My damn boss brought me a donut. He knows I'm not supposed to have donuts but it does it anyway, and makes it seem like I've put him out because I don't want it. So I ate it, and now the congealed grease is making me nauseated, and I can still smell/feel the grease on my lips. Ugh.
I went to a nice solstice ritual last night. Met nice people. One lady gave me her card. I lost it, or left it behind--I didn't have my purse and no pockets, so I don't know what I did with it when she gave it to me. I thought I might have carried it to the car and put it in my purse there, but I didn't. Unless I left it in my husband's car. But I honestly don't think I took it. She was writing on the back of it, then she wanted my address and number, and then I left--I think she still had her card in her hand.
My husband said he thought I looked like I lost weight. Like I said yesterday, I feel like I lost weight. but I gained. Numbers. I hate fucking numbers. Calories, fat grams, steps walked, pounds lifted, pounds gained, inches lost, BMI, fat percentage, carb grams, points--it's all evil, designed to overwhelm me and make me give up.

sleep apnea mask

The company sent a representative out last week and gave me a tiny little mask (a "nasal pillow" which is basically 2 fat prongs to go up my nose and a long corrugated hose (so I look like an elephant instead of darth vader). It's much more comfortable but I still can't wear it for more than 3 or 4 hours. It forces air down my throat and into my stomach, it makes my ears pop, and I've been farting like crazy--and I think it's from all the air I've swallowed. If I happen to open my mouth while it's running, this great sucking noise comes from my throat and air rushes out of my mouth like I am trying to breath fire or something.
I haven't gotten the bill for it yet.

hate myself

I've been very physical the last few days. Swimming, working out in the yard, doing lots of physical labor to the point where I hurt and am exhausted. My back feels like it's a different shape, and my stomach feels a little smaller so I weighed myself this morning and I gained weight again.
I've also been eating even less, splitting most of my food into 2 meals. I am so unhappy. What more can I do?

cult of children

Honestly, I really don't like kids. Kids of my friends I can deal with, when I have to. But hordes of them, and strangers' kids, I have no interest in and no use for. Babies are the most boring creatures on earth when they are not howling or shitting. I can't imagine what makes previously intelligent women suddenly start to babble and coo over some cross-eyed baby who only wants a tit to suck on.

Today I had to come to work by a different route, because I had to stop at the bank. I guess I figured that school must be out for the summer, but it's not. At 8:50 there are school buses everywhere, and frightened mommies, and hysterical crossing guards prostrating themselves in front of cars AFTER the cars have already come to a complete stop at the stop sign and have begun to move forward.

When I was 8, my parents gave me a key to the backdoor on a long string to wear around my neck, and that was it. My mother went back to work full time and I cooked dinner. Yes, on the STOVE. And I was EIGHT. And I WASN'T ABUSED. No sex pre-verts came after me as I walked home alone with my hidden key. I did not burn the house down (I did burn myself once, but I was 13 by then). In the summer they'd put me on the New Haven bus to go visit my grandparents. ALONE. On the CITY BUS. I would walk from home to the bus stop, and then from the bus stop to my grandparents. Also without any abuse by pre-verts or anyone else.

I don't remember having any fear (except that I'd miss the bus and get stuck home alone all day because my parents were at work and couldn't drive me to my grandparents). Nor did my parents have any fear. My grandmother's biggest fear was that I would befriend a black child and bring it home. ("Pickaninnies" she called them--"You can talk to those pickaninnies on the bus but don't bring them home!") What can I say, she's from a different generation and to her that's acceptable behavior. During the day at my grandparents' house, sometimes I'd walk over to the park (by myself) and play on the swings and the first time I ever got bothered I was about 15. Yes, I did this bus thing every day in the s ummer from when I was about 8 to when I was 16 and got a car and a part time job at McDonald's.

I am telling these stories to illustrate the point that children on their own are not instantly molested/kidnapped/murdered. One of my friends used to walk from her mom's house to her dad's condo to go swimming, about 5 miles, by herself in the summer, and she was never molested, kidnapped or murdered. The only kid I know who ever got molested was a BOY, and he got molested at the ARCADE when we were in high school.

So it's really annoying that all these mommies are so paranoid. Kids who live on my old street, which is about a mile from the elementary school (half that if you take the shortcut), are driven to school by their parents. And then these same parents say "why is my kid so fat?" well, maybe if you let him walk once in a while he'd get some exercise!

And everyone acts like kids are everything. Kids get agitated if there's red ink correcting their papers, so teachers have to use another colored ink. Kids get agitated if they fail a class so there's no more failing grades. Do you who worship the cult of children think these spoiled coddled brats are going to make it in the real world? Bosses don't pull punches because you're agitated. You can't spank your kid, even when he deserves it cuz that's child abuse. My aunt used to spank my cousin so hard with the wooden spoon that the spoon would BREAK and he grew up okay (and I think she was a little excessive in her spanking--today they'd take the kid from her).

I think most kids are spoiled rotten. One of my friends had a baby recently and her house has been taken over by this 15 lb tyrant. There is literally baby stuff in every room of her house. Her life revolves around this baby-its every hiccup and sob is immediately attended to. She has joined the ranks of my Cult of Children friend because all her excuses revolve around the Baby. I talk to her less and less every month--it's too exhausting for me to pit 15 years of friendship against the pull of gravity of 15# of baby.

post-colonic feelings

The swelling in my leg is way down, but not gone. But I think it sometimes takes a day or so. Funny that my left WRIST is kind of puffy. Probably no one else but me could SEE it, but I can FEEL it. I tried to show my husband but he couldn't understand what I was talking about.

I did some "me" time yesterday--had my hair cut at a "real" salon instead of at the hairdressing school. I'd forgotten what it was like to get a competent, quick haircut--less than 1/2 an hour as opposed to 3 hours! She did a good job and I'm going to go back there.

I'm being invaded by bad oldies again today, as usual. Why can't this station play the Rolling Stones? Elton John? Doors? Why does it have to be all this whiny bad-energy shit? Begging for love, whining about not being love. blah blah blah. It all sucks.

how colonics work

I had a comment about how colonics work. I am no expert at giving them, but I'm getting pretty damn good at getting them!
With a q-tip, you're physically gouging out the earwax so yes, you can push the earwax in deeper.
With a colonic, there's no physical scraping involved. Your colon is filled with warm water which softens whatever's stuck up in there, and then it just flushes out the impactions with the water. In fact, you will probably poop more in the next few days because some water stays up in there and continues to soften what's impacted.
Think about when you make a cake. If you don't immediately fill the mixing bowl with water, the residue of the cake mix hardens inside the bowl. If, later on, you soak the bowl, the dried-up mix liquifies and/or softens enough to be rinsed out. That's what's going on in your colon.
I don't feel that there's any danger in getting a colonic every once in a while. I am getting them more frequently than is recommended because my liver is so toxic that everything makes me sick. To counteract the excessive flushing, I take acidolpholus pearls (to replace healthy flora in my intestines) once a day, digestive enzymes with every meal, and also psyllium husk (once a day, but not with the pearls!) to prevent further impaction. I also take various herbal detox remedies and have accupuncture to help with the chronic toxicity. These treatments are being coordinated by a naturopathic doctor.
The International Association for Colon Hydrotherapy details how a session should be done.
I wanted a colonic for years, instinctively, but it is very difficult to get past the "someone's going to stick something up my ass" part of it. In reality, it is not very far up your ass at all, and once it's in there is not uncomfortable. While you're being "filled" with water, you may feel like you have to poop (and I just tell the guy what I feel, and he stops filling me and lets it drain) or kind of cramped. The guy I go to also massages my abdomen during the draining for the greatest "release", as he calls it. It seems like a lot of water but in total is only about a gallon, and it's put up there over a period of about an hour, and you're drained repeatedly.
Once important thing, always urinate first! There's no tube to there, and the filling presses on your bladder and makes you have to pee--and you can't.
I always feel so light and free afterward. My lower back feels different, my stomach area feels different. The fat on my stomach seems less hard, more like jello, with the release of bile and toxins which were stored there.
The guy I go to reccommends a liver flush for everyone first thing, and then if you're cleansed from that, you can get a regular colonic every few months or even a liver flush (two colonics + coffee enema + drinking some salt water, fasting, drinking olive oil) every few months.
To find someone who does colonic irrigation, look in the free magazines at the natural/health food stores, or new age/pagan stores. Someone will be listed in there. Or just ask someone at the store--chances are, they'll know someone.
Good luck getting your butt hosed and please let me know how it goes!

total insurance BS

The guy from the medical supply house just called and said if I try anything on, I have to buy it. There are no samples that get cleaned--they are all brand new. So if I try on 3 more masks, I own 3 more masks. How fucking stupid is that? And since the insurance already "paid" for one (20% measly percent) I have to PAY IN FULL for all these "try on" masks.
I am so pissed.

more good 70's music & contacting me

Yes, my new friend, the Doors are great too! Jim Morrison died on my 3d birthday (now you know how old I am!)

And if you want me to email you back, you have to give me your email address. If you don't want it posted, e-mail me privately at wholelottarosieyoung at yahoo dot com. (obviously change it into real email syntax. I wish I could use Javascript here to mask emails!)

AC/DC cracks top 5 of all time

I have been an AC/DC fan since I was 12. My nom-de-plume, "Whole Lotta Rosie" come from a song off the 1977 album "Let There Be Rock", and of course my fake last name, "Young" comes from Angus & Malcolm Young, two of the original band members.

So it was with great excitement that I read this article on CNN last week. I've reproduced it here since the link will retire eventually.

'Back in Black' cracks all-time top 5
Eagles, Jackson still lead list
Wednesday, June 8, 2005 Posted: 6:39 PM EDT (2239 GMT)


NEW YORK (Billboard) -- AC/DC's 1980 breakthrough "Back in Black" has been certified for U.S. shipments of 21 million copies, tying it for fifth place with Billy Joel's "Greatest Hits Vol. 1 & II" on the Recording Industry Assn. of America's all-time best-sellers list.

The Australian hard rock group's first album with lead singer Brian Johnson, who replaced Bon Scott following his alcohol-related death, "Back in Black" was originally released by Atco and was reissued in 2003 by Epic along with the rest of the band's catalog.

Joel's "Greatest Hits Vol. 1 & II" reached 21 million in 2000. The leader of the list remains "Eagles/Their Greatest Hits" (Asylum), last certified in 2002 at 28 million. In second is Michael Jackson's "Thriller" (Epic), which reached 27 million in an April RIAA accounting, followed by Pink Floyd's "The Wall" (23 million/1999; Capitol) and "Led Zeppelin IV" (22 million/1999; Atlantic).

Elsewhere among the RIAA's May certifications is a triple-platinum award (U.S. shipments of three million) for AC/DC's 1976 set "High Voltage."

Others tipping new multi-platinum heights include Usher, whose latest album, "Confessions" (LaFace) has shipped nine million U.S. copies. Gwen Stefani's solo debut "Love, Angel, Music, Baby" (Interscope) hit the double-platinum mark, as did Rascal Flatts' "Feels Like Today" (Lyric Street) and Chicago's "The Very Best Of: Only the Beginning" (Rhino).

Newly minted platinum titles in May were "Barrio Fino" by Daddy Yankee (VI Music), Jack Johnson's "In Between Dreams" and "On and On" (Universal), Los Tigres Del Norte's "Jefe de Jefes" (Fonovisa), Jason Mraz's "Waiting for My Rocket To Come" (Elektra), Rob Thomas' "Something To Be" (Atlantic) and Queen's now-aptly titled "The Platinum Collection" (Hollywood).

AC/DC's Angus Young, right, and Brian Johnson in full flight.

castrato 70's music

god I fucking hate this high-pitched 70's music. it's a wonder I'm not more fucked up if this is what I had to listen to growing up in the 70's. Why not play GOOD 70's music: AC/DC (who just made the top 5 albums of all time with Back in Black--YAY), Led Zeppelin (also in the top 5 at #4 with Led Zeppelin IV), what else? The Who, Elton John...god, there's so much GOOD music in the 70's, why does this station have to focus on the worse?
Then again, they could be playing disco.

sleep apnea machine BS

My mask doesn't fit. It's too big. it hurts my face. I requested specifically NOT to be given that style of mask. The doctor's nurse said she would take care of it, and I wouldn't be charged any more money. Today the medical supply company called, and said it would be $180 for the "extras" which the insurance wouldn't pay for. EXTRAS? I want a fucking mask that fits so I can sleep. How difficult is that?

colonic/semi-liver flush

I had a great colonic yesterday. My stomach feels smaller (less "there") and I feel less clogged.
Of course, I gained weight. What the fuck. So annoying. He spent an HOUR draining large quantities of shit and bile from my intestines and I GAIN weight? very fucking annoying.

water weight

I happen to weigh exactly 200 lbs more than my therapist. She said she was carrying a 5 gallon bottle of water (40#) up the stairs and she could barely move, and it gave her some idea of what my day-to-day life is like. I wrote back to her and said "carry FIVE of those up the stairs and see you how you feel."

liver flush #2 for real

Well, kinda for real. I didn't do the initial colon cleanse with the coffee enema. I am just doing the fast/salt water/grease thing. I fasted from yesterday afternoon (no fat/oil/protien) and today I am taking 00 gel caps filled with epsom salts. I found that 4 00 gelcaps hold exactly 1 tsp of epsom salts. You are supposed to take 1 tsp salts in 8 oz water every 2 hours, so I am taking 1 capsule every 15-20 minutes with a few ounces of fruit juice. I am going to have a nasty greasy lunch guaranteed to make me poop, and instead of pooping, I am getting a colonic (assisted pooping). Hopefully I'd get something close to what happened on my "real" liver flush. This doesn't cost $70 extra and if it helps, I'll do it every 3 weeks. (3 weeks was how long my leg was better, if you remember from the beginning of May.)
I was sick all weekend; my grandma was in the hospital; they thought she had a stroke but now they don't have any clue so she was sent home. But I was at the hospital a lot visiting her and I was stressed, and I'm toxic, and I caught some stupid hospital bug. I'd be better today but I can feel the salt working on me. I have 2 more capsules to take but I don't think I'm going to take them. I feel all shriveled inside.
I thought I bought a bottle of malic acid to help with this, but it's not, it's magnesium from malic acid. Piss me off.

sleep apnea machine #2

It hurts my cheeks and my forehead. It's exactly like the one at the hospital which I said I didn't want-it covers my eyes, I can't wear my glasses or read with it on. The only way to sleep is on my back, which I can't do because of my large breasts. I am going to call the doctor and complain. She said I would be given a selection of masks and special pillows to try, and I wasn't. My cheeks and forehead feel bruised all the time. This can't be good for my skin or the underlying muscles.

pit of sadness

I feel so sad, so detached and disconnected from everyone.
I don't want to go to therapy anymore. I don't feel like it's helping. We just go off on tangents about her life, and things that have nothing to do with my problems, and it's not like we make up that time; she always has a client lurking just after me.
I did not have much dinner last night. I had some popcorn later. I had a handful of popcorn for breakfast, and cut up watermelon for lunch/breakfast at work, and then forgot it. I have therapy as soon as I leave work, and then accupuncture, and I'm HUNGRY. My therapist does not like me to have food right before I come over because she feels like my energy is going to digesting rather than healing. But if I don't eat, I have no energy for healing.
Always a rock and a hard place for me. More powerlessness.

powwow diet & sleep apnea machine

I tried the one day fruit fast advocated during my healing session. I love fruit. I told myself I could eat only fruit for a day. But I got my period that morning, and I felt sick all day, and I wasn't sure if was that, or the fruit, or what. Lots & lots of bile. Dizziness. I almost had lunch, and then I drove to a park and ate my fruit there, far from Fast Food Row. But I had to have supper. I was about to pass out.

My sleep apnea machine cost me $75. I could deal with that, but it also costs $25 a month to RENT. Rent? So what did I buy for $75? The mask hurts my cheeks. I slept with it 5 hours the first night about about 3 last night.

I think I lost 2# eating fruit. If I could eat only fruit every day, would I lose 10# a week?

my secret identity

I don't think I'll ever reveal my identity. It's too freeing to be able to say whatever I want without censoring myself for fear that someone will recognize her/him self and be offended.

sleep apnea machine

I'm supposed to get my sleep apnea machine today & I just found out that I have to pay 20% of the cost. How much can it be? fuck, fuck, fuck. I have no money. I can't even afford another colonic, or to get my house cleaned. I spent more money than I should have at the pow-pow this weekend. Damn it. Fucking insurance companies suck ass. Won't pay for anything, but keep raising their premiums. Meanwhile convicted child molesters and sex offenders get their Viagra paid for by medicare and people on DEATH ROW get free ORGAN TRANSPLANTS. What the fuck?!