Monday, September 13, 2004

Food & Thoughts

I am keeping a food log. I debated putting it online, but if any of my friends stumbled upon this site (how or why that would happen, I don’t know) they would know it was me instantly from the food lists. Anyway, as I suspected, I do not eat a lot of food. I do give a lot of food to my spouse. “here honey eat this I’m full”

I called a bariatric surgeon to make an appointment. First I have to go to a lecture, which isn’t for a few weeks. The lecture is designed to answer most common questions (I guess it’s an verbal FAQ). I know I’ll have to visit a nutritionalist, a psychologist, and some support groups too. The food log will come in handy then.

But what are they going to say? I don’t really eat that much. So they’ll staple my stomach, make it even smaller. I don’t think food going into me is the problem, though. Maybe it’s the wrong types of food, but I’ve been trying to change that. Less fried stuff, more spicy stuff (spicy food increases the metabolism).

Things skinny people NEVER think:
Will I fit in that booth? Does the table move? Will I need a seatbelt extension on the plane? Will I fit between those two parked cars?

It's all about size. I know I am enormous, but how big is that? It's hard to eyeball. If only I had whiskers, like a cat. Nothing's worse than not being able to get out of your car because you parked too close. Except sitting for a whole meal with the table cutting you half because you can't move the table or the seat. Or how about sitting in a wooden chair and having it EXPLODE underneath you, sending shards of wood throughout the room? Happened to me. Yeah, that was fun.

Your perceptions of color change too. If I wear purple, I look like a giant eggplant. If I wear yellow, people think the sun has fallen from the sky. Anything neon is just frightening. White makes me look like the 2/3 of an iceberg that's usually hidden. Black is just black. At least it doesn't reflect light like white does-that's why so many fat people wear black. They (meaning magazines, or jerks) say to wear all one color, it's slimming. Yeah, I look so lovely in head-to-toe orange. There are no words for it. Really.

Well-meaning people are the worse.

"Oh, if you just exercised more." Let's see, I get out of breath going outside to get the mail. What do you suggest I do for exercise? Get the mail twice a day?

"Oh, if you just ate a little less" hmm, like a 1/3 of a hamburger instead of a whole piggy 1/2 of one?

"What if you only eat when you're hungry?" I'm rarely hungry, so I'd just die of malnutrition.

"What if you eat six small meals a day?" Didn't you just tell me to eat less? Would you like me to take my 1/2, sorry, 1/3 of a hamburger, which is one meal, and make it last for two or three meals? Give me a fucking break. I eat two meals a day and I'm not hungry at one of them.

"Drink more water, it will flush out the fat." Says who? All water does is make me pee once an hour, and the pee is clear; no lumps of fat that I can see. Then again, I'm not getting out a microscope.

My personal favorite: "eat just salad" Oh, I could STRANGLE these goddamn salad-bunnies. #1 I hate lettuce. Lettuce has no nutrional value. You are telling me, in effect, to drink more water. We've already discussed water. #2 I hate salad dressing. Why take perfectly good raw veggie and pour OIL all over them? Oil=fat. Pretty stupid. What do the salad-bunnies say? "the dressing makes it taste better" --yeah, that's because salads are 95% lettuce and LETTUCE IS JUST WATER. Just drink some fucking salad dressing from the bottle and get the fuck out of my face.

Hmm, what else do they say, those well meaning skinny S.O.B.s?

"Try the South Beach Diet" Have you read that book? Where's the diet? He keeps going on and on about how great his diet is and how he can explain it in a paragraph but he never bothers to. It's hundreds of pages of fluff. Waste of $20.

"Try Atkins" I've tried Atkins, and yeah, I lost weight. And got stupid. And tired. And dizzy. And I dreamed about Italian bread. And then gained all the weight back. That pretty much sums up the Atkins experience for most people I know (although men seem to do slightly better than women at it).

I was thinking the other day, what if I listened to everyone who ever told me to change my diet?
Let's see, start off by being a vegan. That's no animal products at all, no milk, no cheese, no butter, no meat.

Then we take away carbs, those are bad. No rice, no potatoes, no pasta, no bread, no crackers, no pitas, no wraps, no cereal. Don't forget sugar carbs: no fruit, no chocolate (if you can find it without milk products), no fruit juices, no carrots, no corn.

Then we take away anything in the deadly nightshade family. No potatoes (again), no eggplant, no tomatoes.

And fat, fat is bad, fat makes you fat. Nothing fried, no salad dressing (awww), no margarine, no olive oil, no peanut butter.

What exactly is left? Yes, my old pal LETTUCE, and the stand-by of all those who want to eat yummy food but not put anything bad in their bodies: soy & tofu. Of course to make soy/tofu taste good, you have to add things for flavoring, all of which are banned.

I don't even need to say that salt is bad, right?

And of course black pepper is bad for your heart because it's a stimulant. And it has insect parts in it. Do a search on "black pepper" and "acceptable filth levels" and see what you get. Yecch.

Well, now that I've ruined what little appetite I had. . . I'll be off for now.


Tuesday, September 07, 2004


I'm a big fat woman. And this is no joke.

I'm tired of being fat.

I'm tired of non-fat people not understanding what it's like to be fat.

So I am starting this anonymous blog to talk about being fat. Maybe someone will listen and be moved--a thin person to compassion or a fat one to action.

I will post no profile, no information about me except this: I am fat and I am female.

Do you really need to know more?

Of course, more may be revealed as I write. But I will change the names of the guilty and the innocent alike, so expect no clues there.

So what is it like, to be fat?

Well, last week I was in a store and I heard a child say "mommy why is that lady so fat?" The Mommy did not bother to reprimand the child or apologise for its rudeness. Obviously it is acceptable to say such things, LOUDLY, in public. Can you imagine if I walked up to a black woman and said "Why are you so dark-skinned?" Prejudice! Rudeness! But to an overweight person, obviously it's acceptable.

What's it like to go out to eat when you're fat? Hmm. No matter what I order, people look at me. If I order something healthy, their thoughts are "poor thing she's trying to lose weight" and if I order something unhealthy, their thoughts are "no wonder she's fat if she eats like that."

How much do I eat? You've probably heard on TV about some obese person who hasn't gotten out of bed in three years and who eats four chickens and a dozen loaves of bread every day. I'd puke, honestly. (And who are the enablers who are bringing this immobile person all that food? No one ever talks about THEM.) I could MAYBE stuff four pieces of chicken (PIECES, not CHICKENS) in me in a meal. Maybe. Usually I'll have one or two pieces, some potatoes, some beans, and maybe some biscuits. By "some" I don't mean gallons. I mean a scoop or so on the plate. More than a serving? Probably. But not four whole chickens and a dozen loaves of bread worth. In fact, those who know me say that I don't eat very much at all. I eat lunch and dinner and sometimes popcorn at night. I don't snack all day. I don't sit in front of the TV watching soap operas and getting stupid.

I admit that I eat the WRONG things. I'm not a big fan of salad, for instance. I dislike lettuce on principle (no nutritional value, so why eat it?) and dislike all salad dressings (gross, all greasy and nasty ruining perfectly good tomatoes and carrots). And I am overly fond of chocolate cake. My response is not to have chocolate cake in the house, therefore I don't eat it. I know when I buy a cake, it will get eaten in a couple of days. So it's a rare thing. I'd rather pay for a single slice at a resturant (as much for that slice as a whole cake at the supermarket) because it's a smaller portion. So when I do have that cake in the resturant, people are looking. "Look at the fat woman eating chocolate cake." Do they notice that half my entree was wrapped to take home? Nope.

Nothing is STUPIDER than the parents' rule of "eat your whole dinner or you can't have dessert." How many fat children has that rule caused? I deliberately don't finish my meal so I have ROOM for cake, and then I get another whole meal to eat the next day. Is it better to stuff myself with the entire entree just so I'm "allowed" to have dessert?

And I often eat alone, reading a book. This is MY choice. I have people I could eat with. Perhaps they were not available, or perhaps I was shopping nearby and it was mealtime and I didn't feel like driving home to eat. I know that looks even more pathetic--look at the fattie eating by herself, so fat she has no friends, no boyfriend.

This has already gone beyond the scope of an introduction, so I will end now.


If you want an answer to your comment, please don't post anonymously! Or email me. Wholelottarosieyoung at yahoo dot com.